Friday Night Lights
by twinerdforlife
Summary: The lights shine brightly on the green turf every Friday night, casting a glow on the heroes of our small town. Most will never leave, but Edward and Bella are dying to get out. Football is his ticket, but will he take it when it's time to say goodbye?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to the brilliant Stephenie Meyer**

This little plot bunny is a culmination of a few ideas that have been bouncing around in my head. I saw the banner on christag_banners page and I couldn't stop flirting with the idea of this story.

This will probably be longer than a drabble, but maybe not as long as a full length fic. We'll see how it goes.

Oh and this is not beta'd so I apologize for all of the ugly grammatical errors and typos that you see.

So, here is cowboy/footballward and Brilliant Bella.

**Everybody Dies Famous in a Small Town**

**Chapter 1**

Raw Raw Ree, kick 'em in the knee! Raw Raw Rass, I want to kick these bitches in the ass. These skanks are the most annoying people on the planet with their high squeaky, "let's go tigers," voices and their overly short blue pleated cheerleading skirts. Cheerleaders are the damn bane of my existence, especially Alice Brandon.

She's all of five feet two inches and has shiny black hair that hangs at her chin in the oh so perfect little bob. And everyone thinks she's perfect too. She comes across as little miss do gooder. Yeah, she's a do gooder alright, good at getting the whole football team off on Friday and Saturday nights and walking in like Suzie Freaking Sunshine at church on Sunday. She even teaches the toddlers Sunday school class at the United Method Church of Brilliant. Freaking fake as hell whore is what she is.

I sound bitter, but it's only because she was my best friend until our eighth grade year, then she made the cheerleading squad and became the super bitch that she is. She ignored me, and also laughed and made fun of me to her new so called friends, AKA, "The Whoreleaders." They lead the whores of the school and soon enough Alice was right there with them as Captain Whoreleader. She's a stupid cunt and I'm glad she's out of my life.

She's supposedly dating Jasper Whitlock, who is also a member of the football team, number 39 to be exact. Yeah, imagine that captain of the cheerleading squad dating a football player. Freaking shocking. He doesn't seem to mind that his girlfriend messes around with his football buddies. It's a completely jacked up relationship they have and I really try to stay the hell out of her business. I just wish she would do the same with mine.

Instead she still likes to ridicule me for my economic background or lack thereof. I think this pisses me off the most because she knows how sensitive I've always been about this. My mother Renee died when I was only seven years old and so I've only had my daddy Charlie since then. He's just your typical low class blue collar worker in this little historical mining town. He works his ass off for our community to stay in business is what he does. He helps keep her in her posh little four bedroom white house with the matching picket fence in the yard. Yet, the bitch wants to make fun of me and him for it.

One thing is for certain though; Alice and I will never be friends again. It'd be a cold day in fucking hell before that happens.

I let out a loud angry sigh that my best friend and the reason I'm here, Kate thankfully mistakes for boredom as she gives me a sympathetic smile. Yeah, that little smile is not getting her ass out of this. She owes me big time for this shit and she knows it too.

I'm still not sure why I let Kate talk me in to coming here tonight. Well, that's bull shit actually. She's crushing on the tight end, Garrett, and I'm the exceptional, can't say no when she pulls the best friend card, sucker sitting right here beside her at a damn Brilliant High School football game in the big town of Brilliant, Alabama.

No shit, the name of our town is Brilliant and it's obviously not named after the village idiots that live here.

So, now here I sit, freezing my bony little behind off, bored out of my mind and wishing I could be anywhere but here as I pull my tiny black leather jacket closer to me. It belonged to my mother and it's my favorite thing that I have left of her. Daddy told me that she wore it all of the time when they first met and he knew that I would love it just as much.

I look just like her he says and from the pictures I have of her, I have to agree a little bit. Even though I have Daddy's same dark chocolate eyes, I have her same long brown hair that gets a little wild and crazy in the southern humidity. I also have her nose and chin that juts out from time to time in defiance and self-preservation. A constant reminder from her in heaven to keep my chin up. That's what I like to think anyway.

I don't allow myself to get sad as it's too loud at this stupid football game. I swear our community prides itself on our football team. That's all they seem to focus on, thus proving the fact that our town is lacking in brilliance. We'll unless you listen to Coach Banner, because he genuinely believes that the town name came from our "brilliant football team." No shit.

They are all dumbasses here and I'm just dying to get away, but leaving here at the end of next semester is nothing more than a sad pipe dream. I'll never get away from here and the Alice Brandon's of the world. I have to stay and help Charlie out. That's my job, the consummate caretaker.

Sure he's told me and even encouraged me to get out of this town and chase after my dreams of becoming a nurse. Ever since mom's death, I've wanted to be the one to help take care of the sick. My mother had the most amazing nurse named Anne and she forever changed my life and made me want to be just like her someday. It's sadly something that I know will never happen. When Mom died, I made a promise to myself and to her that I would always watch over him and take care of him and I fully intend to honor that promise. So, if that means working as a waitress at the local diner all of my life, then so be it.

Kate leans over to me and asks me if I'm alright. She knows what this look on my face means by now, that I'm thinking of my mother again. They say it gets easier with time, but that's pretty much bull. I had to grow up at too young of an age and now I'm just an old soul roaming the halls of a high school that I really don't belong in and outgrew years ago.

"I'm fine Kate, really. Just watch the game and that cute little tight end that you are lusting after. I gotta admit, he does look pretty damn good in those football pants." I try to divert her attention from me, back to the reason why we're here, freezing our asses off at a damn high school Friday night football game.

It obviously works because she's once again slobbering on herself over number twenty three again. He's cute enough, but I'm really not that interested in boys, especially none of the moron's here. Our school is mostly comprised of your typical jocks and their groupies. Yes, sadly our football players have their own groupies, like they are some professional football player.

They play for an AA team for crying out loud. However, they are considered gods among men here and it makes me want to vomit. The alleged "hero's" of this town will never leave, as they would be nobodies if they did. They are royalty and their parents were royalty before them. That's the way it works in small towns, because everybody dies famous in a small town. Especially the Brandon's, the royal family of Brilliant. Which makes me hate Alice even more.

She never gets in trouble for anything and never will, because her dad is the only one that makes any money in our little town. He's a big shot lawyer in the city and is only home on the weekends. Mrs. Brandon loves it because she has her little flings during the week with Mr. Newton while he's away and I'm sure he's no saint while he's not home either. Everyone just turns their head, because they think our town couldn't function without them.

It seems the apple didn't fall far from the whore tree with Alice, like mother, like daughter, as that's what she does a lot of. The only person she hasn't sunk her mouth on is Edward Cullen and even though she acts as if he's a nobody, because, just like me, he's poor too, I know it kills her that he won't give her the time of day.

Don't get me wrong, Edward's extremely popular, but that's probably only because he's the quarterback for our precious fucking tigers. His dad left him and his mom when we were in junior high and now she has to work as a cashier at the Wal-Mart a town over.

Edward is like me in the sense that he doesn't ask nor want anyone's pity. He works hard in school and will probably be our Valedictorian. He doesn't go out to parties on the weekends and neither do I. Instead he works at the local sporting goods store, stocking shelves on the weekends, to help out his mother. He's a good guy and insanely attractive, but he's still a dip shit from Brilliant and I don't date guys from Brilliant. We're actually not even friends. I basically have Kate and that's it.

Kate is mildly popular and has that girl next door cuteness to her with her long blonde hair that has the perfect natural wave in it, without spending hours with a curling iron on it. The Whoreleaders are all jealous of her, because she's just an effortless beauty and it goes deep into the inside as well. She's the nicest person at our school and has been voted as such by the entire school, for the past three years. I'm pretty fortunate to have her as a friend and she's loyal to a fault and will never let anyone talk shit about me or anyone else for that matter.

I'm sad as hell too, because Kate will be leaving me to go to college in Mississippi next fall. I'm trying not to dwell on that too much, because we still have several months before that happens, and obviously, several more Friday night football games as well. Oh freaking joy, and oh yeah, Go Tigers! Yeah, now I'm really nauseous, school spirit and I will never go hand in hand.

I stare out at the field and it takes all of one point two seconds before I find him, Mr. unbelievably perfect, yet imperfect, Cullen. I once again have to remind myself that he's just another football player and he means shit to me. My only concerns are graduating and finding a way to help support Charlie. That's it, but he sure is nice to look at.

I don't have to be close to know that he has a brilliant, pun intended, shade of green eyes and under that football helmet is a sweaty head of beautiful bronzed colored hair that most girls would love to run their fingers through, but would never admit it, because, he's a Cullen and he's poor and considered white trash, like me. He's sorta perfect though, but like I said, I don't need a distraction and I certainly don't need a boy in my life. That would just be drama that I don't need. I don't want to be the famous one of this small town. I'll leave that to our heroic, excuse me while I laugh my ass off, boys on the football field.

It's not even half time and I'm already trying to plan my escape, but sadly, I know I'll be stuck here in Friday night light's hell for the rest of the damn football season, because my best friend is in lust and knows that I'll never make her go alone. It's going to be a long and cold season.

**A/N: We'll see the cowboy side of footballward soon. I hope you enjoyed this first chapter and learning more about the people of Brilliant.**

**I really have no idea how often this will update, but hopefully a few times a week.**

**Thanks for reading! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to the brilliant Stephenie Meyer**

**Thank you all so much for the alerts, faves, and reviews. You guys are the best.**

**I love that so many of you are from small towns and you just get it. I'm from a tiny town in Arkansas, so trust me; I understand the politics of them. Glad most of you can relate.**

**This is not beta'd, so I apologize for all of the ugly grammatical errors and typos that you see.**

**Let's hear from Edward…**

**It's All Part of the Plan**

**Chapter 2**

It's another Friday night in this damn one horse town. I can't wait to get out of here, even though that means leaving my mom behind. Part of me feels as if I should stay here and help her out. I don't want her to feel like she's losing me or that I'm like my asshole father, who chased skirts all the way into the city. Good fucking riddance to him, but my mom, she's my rock and I just can't hurt her like him.

The thing is she wants me to go just as much as I want to. She wants me to be better and do more than she was able to. Mom told me that she would kick my ass if I didn't get out of this rumor filled town. The main reason she picked up extra shifts at Wal-Mart for the past few years, was to save for my college. Call me fucking cheesy, but my mom, she's my hero for sure.

That's why I'm out here under these bright lights that shine on me like I'm a damn celebrity on a Broadway stage. I guess you could say I'm a bit of celebrity, at least here in Brilliant. I honestly couldn't give two shits about this place and my skin is just itching to get out of here. I'm suffocating under all of these pads, this helmet, and the constant scrutiny and fame that come with being the quarterback of our football team.

It feels like I'm the fucking mayor of the town or something and they treat me and my fellow teammates as such. We could get away with murder here and they wouldn't do or say a damn thing about it. Hell, the law enforcement would be helping to hide the gun and bury the body for that damn matter. It's sick and twisted how things run in a small town, such as ours. I need to get out and I'll do whatever it takes to do so. Even if it means, taking hits and tackles, bruising my body until it's purple and aching to the touch. Football is my ticket out and I'm going to fucking take it concussion, sore muscles and all. It's all just part of my plan.

A plan that consists of getting a football scholarship to the college of my choice, I'm not sure where that is yet, and making something of myself, not only for me, but for my mom too. She deserves to see me succeed. She's sacrificed for me too and she's my biggest fan, sitting up there in the center of the cold metal stands under her blue Tiger blanket, wearing my number on her back, number seven. Yeah, it's both of our lucky number and it's proved to be so over the years. It led me to this coveted position and it's not something I take lightly. I'm doing this for her, well for us.

It's with these thoughts that I reluctantly put my football gear on, making sure my pads are properly in place and waiting until I'm walking out of the locker room door before placing my helmet on my unruly bronze haired head. I've thought about shaving the shit off numerous times, as it just seems to attract unwanted attention from the skanks here like Alice Brandon.

Alice, that girl needs to get a damn clue. I mean she's dating one of my teammates for damn sakes, but that doesn't seem to stop her from working her way through the whole team. Jasper's a cool dude and all, but I just don't understand why he's not beating the shit out of all of the guys on our team. They have one fucked up relationship, but honestly it's not my drama to deal with. I'll leave him to it. I just wish he'd tell her to back off my cock a little bit.

I'm not here to date, I'm here in this high school to make good grades, play football and leave these jokers behind. I seriously think I might be the only virgin on the team, it's something the guys give me hell over, but I don't care. I've got time for girls and the fucking drama that comes with them later on in life, once I've settled down in my career. As it stands right now, my dreams of becoming a lawyer are slim, but I'm nothing if not driven and I never give up on my dreams. I've come this damn far and I won't fail, ever.

I'm pumped up now and the music is blaring from the speakers as we do our usual run through and destroy the banner that the cheerleaders made. Adrenaline is coursing through my body and I'm now getting focused on this game and everything that's riding on this season. It's the first game and it's the most important since I'm a senior this year and the scouts will be out on the prowl for new recruits. I have to show them that I'm more than capable of being a vital member of their team.

But first, I look into the stands, finding her sitting just where I knew she would be, with her blue mesh jersey, matching my own. My mama's beautiful with her auburn hair and blinding smile. This season is dedicated to her. I give her a smile and a two finger salute. This is our signal to each other and we do it before every game. It means, victory is ours, not mine, not hers, but ours and it will be too.

I start to turn back around and head over for the coin toss, but something, no, someone catches my eye. Sitting beside Kate Allen is her black leather jacket wearing best friend, Bella Swan. What in the hell is she doing here? Bella and I are not close, but I do know enough about her to know that being caught at a Brilliant High School football game is the last place she'd want to be on a Friday night. In fact, I think this is the first Tiger football game she's ever been to.

I'm suddenly perplexed as to why she's here now, our senior year? Is she trying something new in an effort to be popular? No, that doesn't sound like her; I don't give a shit attitude, at all. Then why though and why now? And furthermore, why do I fucking care? I don't. I shake my head to clear it and head over to the ref's and the other team's captain and get ready to call the coin toss that will lead to our victory.

The ref tosses the coin and I shout tails as the other captain shouts heads.

"Tails, call your play Tigers." The ref seems a little impatient tonight, which hopefully won't be to our disadvantage.

I don't' even have to think about what play we want to start the game with. We won the toss, the weather is perfect, cool and crisp the way we like it, and this game is ours.

"We want to receive." I show the confidence that only a senior captain can and I walk back over to my team as the ref does the kick motion, as a signal that the other team will be kicking and we will be receiving.

Our goal for this game is to show no mercy, start strong and finish stronger. We're gonna bury this team out here tonight. They are a team of poor defense, so we know it will be a high scoring game for us.

My cleats dig into the green turf leaving destruction in its wake, our bodies, won't be the only thing taking a beating in this game. We enter the field, a green turf full of hope and promise and leave it broken and destroyed from our bodies in a conjoined battle cry of victory and a sad dusty cloud of departing weeping of the losers bolting out of here to lick their wounds in peace and solitude on an old yellow school bus.

First, I have to wait my turn and impatiently stand on the sideline until time.

We get the first down and I hustle out onto the field ready to get in on the action. We're on our home turf and we will use it to our advantage. The team is in line and the play has been called. Before I know it, I have the other team on me like white on rice. It's time to make my move. I'm groomed for this position and it's effortless at this point. I make the snap to Marcus and he takes off running.

Marcus makes it halfway down the field before he's tackled to the ground like a rag doll. This team might not be the best at defense, but they do have some pretty big defensive players. They obviously just have a shitty coach. We do too in a sense, hell Banner would ride your ass for the littlest things, but he's also the coach with the most wins that our town has ever had.

He's been with Brilliant High School for twenty years now and has won numerous state championships. Banner's hoping for the same this year and sees me as his golden key to success. Meanwhile, my body as well as my teammates' are sacrificed for not only his, but the towns glory. It's complete bullshit, but it is what it is.

We head into the second down and this time I snap it straight ahead, directly into Jasper's arms. He bolts out of the oncoming tackle and straight for the goal line. And thank fuck, he makes the touchdown. That's right bitches; this is how you play high school football, take notes.

The game continues that way and we end up slaughtering the cobras. I just hope the rest of the season will continue this way. We do our huddle and thank God for another victory and safety for all players and I try to head off to the locker room.

I can see Alice from the corner of my eye as she yells at Jasper not to touch her, because he's all sweaty and gross. Yeah, this is why I can't stand girls like Alice, fucking haughty bitches that are holier than though and never get in trouble for shit.

I'm trying to hurry my ass up and push past the crowds to avoid her and the other girls that just want my dick. I hate to sound like an egotistical prick, because I'm not. It's just that these same groups of girls have literally tried to grab my crotch on more than one occasion and frequently make lewd sexual innuendos that I refuse to give into.

Before I can escape to the sanctuary of the locker room, I have to find my mom for our congratulatory hug. I make a few steps and then I see that damn black leather jacket again. Once again my interest is piqued as to why she is here. I look over at her and her blonde friend and see a ghost of a smile form on her face. I've never really found many girls beautiful, cute and pretty sure, but beautiful not so much, in that moment though, with the wind slightly blowing her hair into her face and the bright stadium lights shining down on her, she looked almost heaven sent.

I look away as I hear my mom approach. "Great game kiddo. You feeling alright?" She always says the same thing, followed by the typical parent response of how I'm feeling. She knows, that I'll never tell her just how badly I'm hurting, although it's not too bad after this game.

"Thanks Mom and yeah, I feel fine, great actually." I catch a look in her eyes that's a tad mischievous and I'm wondering what it's for. I suddenly panic, thinking maybe she caught me looking at Bella and then I'm wondering what my expression was while I was glancing her way. Was it awe or appreciation or wonder, maybe a mixture of all three with slight confusion thrown into the mix as well.

"I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean, Mom, but I'm really okay, not too sore tonight. You still want to head to the diner for our usual cheeseburger and fries?"

It was custom now for us to celebrate after each game with a good ole' greasy cheeseburger and rehash various plays from the game.

"You sure you don't want to go hangout with your friends? You know it's alright with me. You don't' have to entertain this old woman every Friday night. Live a little kiddo." As she says this I see her eyes wonder over to where I know that Bella was standing a few minutes ago. It was only a slight glance, but it was there nonetheless. I knew she saw something. Shit!

"Ha, ha! You're not old and you know it's our tradition, Mom. Now, stop trying to get out of it." I sling my arms around her shoulders as we walk towards the locker room.

"Now, go own and get our favorite booth and I'll be there in about fifteen. Love ya, Mom." I don't care if others hear me say this. I love my mom and have the utmost respect for her. The guys are used to me saying it by now and don't give me shit over it anymore.

"Love you too kiddo. See you in a few." She turns around and heads back towards the parking lot as I walk into the locker room, looking for my sweet relief to these aching muscles in the form of a hot shower. Thankfully I only have a few aches which is altogether not bad for the first game of the season.

I turn the shower off, get dressed and throw on my favorite black cowboy hat. I'm a country boy through and through and regardless of where I go, my hat will be there with me. It's my one piece of comfort in this crazy town.

I say goodbye to my teammates and head out with my head held high. I survived the first game of the season, now if I can make it through the rest just the same and stick to my plan, I'll be on my way of vacating the shitty town of Brilliant, AL.

**A/N: Thanks so much for reading guys! Hope you are enjoying it. I really love this Edward. I have two boys and hope they will be mama's boys like him. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to the brilliant Stephenie Meyer**

**Thank you all so much for the alerts, faves, and reviews. You guys are the best.**

**This is not beta'd, so I apologize for all of the ugly grammatical errors and typos that you see.**

**Brilliant Bella's up…**

**The Meeting of the Eyes**

**Chapter 3**

The clock wound down and I couldn't be fucking happier. To say it sucks sitting here on a Friday night would be a vast understatement. I think I lost a few brain cells just watching these heroes of Brilliant and their whoreleaders.

I noticed that Alice looked my way a few times, more like gave me a Satan stare, yes because I'm the evil one. Her heart is sure to be as black her jet black hair. I try to avoid watching her for the remainder of the game, but unfortunately she catches my eye a few times and I can't help but watch who her gaze is upon and it certainly wasn't her boyfriend. Whatever, she's a whore, end of story.

As the buzzer sounds and the commentators announce us the winners, we stand from the cold bleachers and I swear that I can't feel my ass. I think it's literally frozen off at this point. I guess if I'll be attending anymore of these, which from the looks of Kate's gaga eyes for Garrett I will be, I might want to bring a blanket like the rest of the folks here.

I stretch my arms and legs out because I sure as hell didn't stand up and cheer throughout the game, like the rest of these wackos. No way in hell am I vying for Ms. School Spirit. I'd rather walk around with sign on my back that says, "I'm Alice Brandon's best friend." Yeah, not fucking gonna happen.

Kate grabs my hand and I let out a large sigh of annoyance, but she ignores it and tugs me out to the field. She owes me big for this shit and I don't just mean a Route 44 Cherry Limeade either. I'll have to think long and hard about what I want in return.

We see the team in their huddle and hear them finish their prayer. I see Alice again darting over to Jasper and I think I'm going to puke, because her eyes are anywhere but on him and I have a feeling I know just who she's looking for as she squeals for Jasper not to touch her because he's all icky. For fucking real, this skank said icky. No shit, you dumb bitch, he just got done running and being tackled and beaten for a few hours. Did you think he was going to smell like roses? And the winner of the most annoying person on the planet award goes too… Alice Brandon.

I can't help, but let a small smile creep up over my face at my snark. It's short lived though, because I see that Kate's left me standing there by myself. Well, sort of anyway. She turned her back to me and is now talking to Garrett. I'm proud of her for being so bold though, so my frustration is short lived.

I keep my back to them giving them some semblance of privacy and pull my hair back in a ponytail and tie it up with the black band that I keep around my wrist for such occasions. The wind is blowing it all in my face and I'm sick of it. I just want to get out of here and take a hot shower, put on my warm flannel pj's and curl up with a good book. Yes, I have such an exciting life for a high school senior.

While I'm standing there, I start taking inventory of those around me. Not everyone here is pathetic and annoying, but I still feel as if I don't belong here and I so badly wish I could escape. Just as I'm about to turn around and beg Kate to take me home, I see a flash of sweaty bronze hair, standing next to an attractive older woman. I know instantly who it is, because let's face it; you know everyone and their mama in a small town.

Ms. Cullen is beautiful and one of the sweetest people in this town. She's been done wrong and lives with pity glances from everyone in this town and it pisses me off. I'll never treat her as a victim that she undoubtedly is. She deserves respect not pity. She works hard to provide for her son and she's always, always there to support him or so I hear anyway. This is my first time to witness them together like this and it's nothing short of touching.

They are so incredibly sweet with each other and I suddenly feel jealous of that. I feel robbed that I don't have a mother that is there supporting me in everything that I do. I don't have a mother to give me hugs for a job well done. It hurts, it hurts so damn bad and I'm instantly clutching my stomach and simultaneously willing myself not to cry right now. The lights are shining too damn brightly out here and everyone will see me as nothing more than a crybaby. And just like Ms. Cullen, I don't want nor need their pity.

I have to get out of here now. I tap Kate on the shoulder and she turns around and just knows that I need to leave. I love her for that, because I don't think I could've gotten the words out without letting the flood gates go as well.

"Here are the keys, Bella. Why don't you head on out to the car?" I appreciate her so much for this, because she's letting me escape and giving me a few moments to myself before she questions me further.

"Later Bella." All I can do is offer a wave over my shoulder in response to Garrett. I know he'll think I'm a super bitch, but right now, I couldn't care less. Plus, he seemed to be pretty interested in Kate, so maybe she'll be enough of a distraction that this will be a non-issue.

I make it back to her little red Honda Accord and crank up the heat and let the tears fall. I'm safe here. It's dark and I'm alone. That is until I see that same damn head of hair again. Fucking Cullen is stalking me it seems. Well, maybe not, but tonight, he just seems to be a constant in my line of vision.

He stops for a moment and looks in my direction and I swear it's as if he can see me. It seems we are having a meeting of the eyes. Although, I know he can't see in, the windows are darkly tinted and it's pitch black out here in the student parking lot. Most everyone is still up on the field celebrating a win and planning their party route for the night. I'm thankful for this little red safe haven that is Kate's car. A second later he breaks the trance and continues on his way. My eyes don't leave him though.

I see him quickly make his way over to his beat up old blue Ford pickup truck. I wonder where he's in a hurry to get to, as I know he doesn't really party it up on Friday nights. Then, I remember hearing Kate say one time that he always goes out to eat with his mom after every game and I'm back to the damn tears. I just start to wonder if my mother and I would've had our own traditions like Edward and his mother. And gosh I fucking miss her, so much right now. I could really use her in my life. Being a teenager is hard, but being a teenager to a single parent father is even harder. I can't stop nor do I want to, the tears that freely falling down my pale face.

It's no wonder that moments later I'm screaming at the top of my lungs as Kate climbs into her car, effectively scaring the ever living shit out of me. She starts to laugh and then stops, when she sees my tear streaked face.

"Oh Bella, what happened? Did someone say shit to you? Was it fucking Alice?" She's getting pissed and looks like she's ready to cut a bitch.

I laugh lightly at her protectiveness. "No, no, calm down fucking mama bear. I'm just having a sad night is all. It's nothing really."

She looks at me for a moment and I know she doesn't buy it, but she doesn't question it either. She knows I'll talk when I'm good and ready.

"You know you're a shitty liar Swan, but I love you and I'll let it go." I offer her another small smile in appreciation of her friendship and thoughtfulness.

"So, you up for going to a party at Garrett's house tonight?" Her voice rises in excitement and I hate knowing I'm about to bring her down with my negative, loner attitude.

"Yeah, you know I wouldn't be caught dead at one of these lame ass high school parties Kate?" She looks pissy for a moment and I hate that I'm making her feel this way. She's done so much for me and a good friend would do this for her. A good friend would suck it up and suffer through one night of high school hell for their best friend, but I just can't do it. Not tonight, and not after witnessing Edward and his mother's tender moment. Not when I miss my own mother so much that I can't fucking breathe and just want to go home and be a big titty baby about it.

"Fine, go home and sulk Bella, but it wouldn't hurt you to socialize with others aside from me everyone once in a while. I mean we've known these people since kindergarten and in just a few months we'll be leaving here and them all behind."

She's trying desperately to get me to cave, but it won't work. She also doesn't know that I'm not going to be leaving here. I won't be leaving anyone behind, but I'll be the one left behind come next August. I'll miss her, sure, but I have to think about Charlie and my promise to my mother. Plus, she'll come back and visit and I can sorta live vicariously through her and her college experiences. It'll have to be enough.

I turn around and face the window before responding to her. "I'm sorry Kate, I just can't tonight. You know maybe next time or something."

This time she doesn't push, just lets out a loud sigh and lets it go. She turns up the radio to our favorite old school rap station and we get lost in the music and the rhyme. Before I know it, we're pulling up in my driveway and I see that Charlie's home from work. He'll know something's wrong and part of me doesn't care nor have the energy to hide it from him tonight.

Kate puts the car in park, but leaves the engine running. She shifts in her seat to face me and offers me a hug in apology. I readily accept it, because this is what we do. She's my only true friend and I can't stand upsetting her or disappointing her. This is her way of saying, it's alright and I forgive you.

We end the hug and I climb out, waving goodbye to her as I watch her headlights retreat and head back to the street and to a social life that she so desperately craves. I walk into the house and see Charlie sitting in his faded brown leather recliner, reading one of his favorite books.

He's clearly where I got my love of books from and after mom died, I think we both found ourselves devouring book upon book, losing ourselves in happily ever after's, that we knew we would never have.

I walk over to the couch and plop myself down. "Hey dad. Whatcha reading?" I'm sure it's one of the timeless classics. I find it kind of funny that this big burly man that works in a mine likes to come home and curl up with a good old fashion classic novel. I love this man.

"Hey baby. I didn't even hear you come in. How was the game?" I hear the sarcasm dripping from his voice as he knows that I can't stand anything related to our town heroes.

"Har Har, Daddy. You know I can't stand this stupid school spirit crap." I try to add a sense of cheerfulness to my voice to hide the hurt from earlier. I'm not fooling him though.

"Bella, baby, what's wrong? Did something happen at the game?" I hate that I'm scaring him a little bit.

"No, dad, I just had a rough night and I just-"I start to tear up again and he's over on the couch wrapping me up in his strong, warm arms instantly.

"I just freaking miss her dad, that's all." I could feel him nod his head as I'm safely tucked under his scruffy chin.

"Shh… I know you do baby. I know you do. I'm here though. I know I'm not her, but I'm here and you know you can talk to me about anything. And I miss her too baby. I miss her so damn badly." And my heart breaks even more for him and all that he's lost. I had her for seven years, but he had her for so much longer.

She was the love of his life and his fucking soul mate. I know if it hadn't been for me, he would've given up and died right alongside of her. I just can't imagine ever having a love like that. That all-consuming and powerful. I don't' know that I ever want that, because if something were to happen to that person, I don't want to have to go through what I watch him go through every day. The sadness is always there behind his crinkled brown eyes.

I feel tear drops land in my hair and I just can't take this anymore. This constant cloud of gloom that we'll forever live under. It's not fucking fair that we can't have her here with us. That she was taken away from us too damn soon. We need her, now more than ever.

It's at this exact moment that I realize I suddenly hate Edward Cullen. I hate that he has a mother and although he appreciates her, I still hate him. I hate that he gets to have hugs from her and know what a real mother's love is like. I hate how fucking close they are and that they have their own fucking traditions and get to go out and celebrate good things. I'll never have that and it's just not fair.

I break away from Charlie's embrace and suddenly feel so selfish. I have Charlie and he's amazing. The best father that ever lived in my opinion, so why isn't' he enough? I feel like I'm suffocating all of a sudden and I just need to get out of here. Out of his too warm arms that are suddenly too strong and too masculine.

I tell him I'm sorry and that I just want to be alone for a while and he doesn't push. He lets me go like always. He has his moments too. I guess like father like daughter. I run up the stairs two at a time, my vision blurry with the constant tears. I throw open my door and frantically search for my comfortable pj's and her old college t-shirt. I need to feel close to her tonight and it's the only thing that will allow me to do so.

I find them both and throw them on, taking a moment to inhale the old t-shirt, trying to find remnants of the sweet floral scent that is long gone. I angrily toss back my covers and climb into my cozy, comfortable bed and cry myself to sleep. Dreaming of a beautiful man that could save my broken heart and take me away from this tiny town and the years of hurt that it has caused.

**A/N: Thanks so much for reading. I appreciate you all so much. Hope you enjoyed more Bella. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to the brilliant Stephenie Meyer**

**Thank you all so much for the alerts, faves, and reviews. You guys are the best.**

**Still not beta'd, so yeah, read at your own risk.**

**A little Edward for you…**

**Dinner and Questions**

**Chapter 4**

I couldn't shake the feeling that I was being watched or followed, as I made my way to my old Ford. I like to call her Sally. Yeah, I know most people call their mustang's Sally after that horrible song, but my Sally is different. She's dependable and the perfect shade of blue to match my bluesy attitude. Sally aside, I still feel like I have a stalker in the midst. It's probably fucking Alice, trying to once again get me alone in the dark and think I'll give into her. Not ever gonna fucking happen.

The goose bumps rise and my arm hair is standing on end. Forget this shit, I'm not a coward and I'm gonna find out who the hell is after me and why. I turn around to do just that and freeze dead in my tracks. There in front of me is a faded red Honda that belongs to none other than Kate Allen. I can't help, but think that it's someone in that car that's responsible for giving me this feeling. I don't think its Kate either, as I saw her up at the field waiting on Garrett to get out of the shower.

Was it Bella perhaps? That was the only logical conclusion as the two seemed to be joined at the hip. But, why would Bella be staring at me? _Hell Cullen, she might not even be in there. _It's not like I can see shit anyway. Kate's tint is too damn dark and it's a wonder she hasn't gotten a ticket for it. It's not like she would though, as her dad is the chief of police here. She's not as bad as Alice of course, as far as not getting into trouble, but she could get by with a lot if she tried. Kate's not like that though. She's likable girl and typically stays out of trouble. She's one of those that is well liked by all and I get it, she's cute, if you like the blonde hair, blue eyed type, which is really not for me. I'm beginning to think I'm into dark eyes and dark hair, like fucking chocolate colored or something. Damn, now I'm craving chocolate.

I take that as my cue to break my stare with the Honda's window pane and head back to Sally, so I can meet my mom for some grub. A huge ass greasy cheeseburger is calling my name and so is a pretty lady with my same eyes and hair.

I throw my gym bag into the passenger seat and tune the radio to my old favorite classic rock station. I freaking love me some Lynyrd Skynyrd and even though it's a tad cliché, I fucking love "Sweet Home Alabama."

I'm jamming out, radio on full blast and singing at the top of my lungs to my favorite classics; yeah I might have been doing a little head banging too. I'm always my most relaxed after a big win and tonight is no different.

Moments later, I arrive at the diner, as it's only minutes from the school. I walk in, take off my hat, because I've have impeccable manners, and see my mom sitting in our favorite booth. I love this woman so damn much, because she's already ordered a large Dr. Pepper for me with extra ice.

"Hey pretty lady, is this seat taken?" Yeah, I'm fucking cheesy, but I know my mom loves it, so I'll do anything to see her smile.

"Har Har, son. You know I only reserve seats for the cutest boys." My mom is fucking adorable and I tell her so too.

"Oh, so you were waiting on a cute boy? Well, don't let me get in the way then. I'll just go sit in that booth over there," I tease, pointing to the booth clear across the diner.

"Sit your behind down and let's eat. I'm freaking starving to death after all of that cheering I did tonight." My mom is can be stern when she wants to be, but I know she's only teasing. She loves cheering for me and I love it too.

"Oh, right. Yeah, I heard that there was some crazy lady up in the stands tonight hat was hooting and hollering and jumping up and down so much that she put a huge dent in the metal bleachers. Pretty incredible if you ask me." I love our easy banter and I know I'm about to catch shit for that last little comment.

"Oh you little punk, I did no such thing. You must be talking about Mrs. Whitlock. I hear she gets pretty loud and crazy at these games cheering for her son." Yeah, my mom's a fucking riot and I love that she just took a jab at Mrs. Whitlock.

Don't get me wrong, they have no problem with each other, they're actually friends and were even best friends in high school. As time went on and kids came into the picture, they drifted a little. They still like to ham it up at our games. I think they just like to relive their old cheerleading glory days, but I'll never say that to her.

The waitress comes over and takes our order, though she knows it by heart now as we get the same thing every time we come in here. She still scribbles it down, like she'll forget, collects our menu's and leaves us to our chatter.

"I look up at my mom and can tell she's on the verge of asking something, something that she thinks is going to make me uncomfortable, but something that makes her incredibly happy. I can tell by that coy little smile she has going on. Oh I'm about to be in some shit. I can just fucking tell.

"Spit it out." I say this, but inside, I'm dying because I know I'm not going to want to answer if she asks me a personal question.

"So, speaking of people hooting and hollering in the stands, it seems there was a new face there tonight." Yep, I knew she saw something.

I look down, suddenly finding the old faded orange Formica interesting and I begin tracing the cracks with my fingers.

"I don't know what you're talking about Mom." Yeah, I know she's not gonna buy that shit and my current girly blush is giving me away. I inherited that shit from her too.

She places her hands on mine, forcing me to stop my tracing and look up at her.

"So, that certain girl, that I caught you staring at with a small wistful smile on your face, wasn't anyone then?" I lower my eyes once again and feel my ears burning. Freaking A, does she have to be so damn perceptive.

"Nope, there wasn't a girl. I was just staring off into the distance, thinking about that last play of the game." I know she's not buying this shit for nothing, but I just hope she'll drop it and let me die of embarrassment in peace.

"Hmm…maybe you're right. Maybe she was just an apparition coming down from the stadium lights." All I can offer is an hmm of my own in return.

"Yeah, that had to be it then. I mean no girls ever hold your attention or cause you to smile like that. In fact, I've never seen you look at anyone that way." She's trying desperately to make eye contact with me all the while shrugging in indifference before she continues.

Meanwhile, I'm wishing these little cracks would swallow me up before she goes any further with her interrogation of my love life or lack thereof. Wishful thinking on my part, however.

"Yeah, I think you're right, it had to be that last play that caused you to be that happy. It was a great play after all." She's all smiles and nearly laughing at her lame attempt at a joke.

Shit, she really wasn't going to let this go. That's the one thing about my mom; she loved to razz me about shit. I guess it was her rite of passage as a parent.

I still didn't budge and was still praying that she would drop it, but I know better than that. She's a persistent little thing.

"Oh come on! I know I'm not one of the boys, but I'm still pretty cool, right?" Of course she's cool, which is why I guess I'm gonna have to give her something.

"Okay mom, you caught me alright. Yes, I saw _her_ and don't even play like you don't know who _she_ is." Mom just nodded, because I'm right. Everyone knows everyone in this town, especially when there is drama surrounding that person. Mom and I are all too familiar with that.

Before I can continue, I'm thankfully saved by our food. I immediately start stuffing my face with juicy cheesy meaty deliciousness. I hope that if my mouth is full and stays that way, she won't ask me anymore questions. I mean, she is the one after all, that told me it's not polite to chew with my mouth full. I'm nothing if not respectful.

I catch her eyes over my burger as I go in for bite number three and heaven help me she is just not gonna let this one go. I guess it would have been helpful if I would've dated or shown interest in any girls after all.

"You're not gonna let this go are you?" I couldn't' help but ask her after I took a sip of my DP.

She looks right at me with the biggest shit eating grin and says, "Not a chance. I mean it isn't every day that my little boy, who has sworn off girls until after he graduates, takes interest in a certain town beauty."

She's right, of course on all accounts, especially the beauty part. It's just weird that I've never noticed that about Bella until tonight. I mean we've gone to school together since kindergarten, went through our awkward phases together and I must have missed it when she emerged from hers a true Swan in every sense of the word.

I'm slightly pissed off at myself for that, but it's not like I've just been sitting around scoping out the chicks of Brilliant for the past few years. No, I've been busting my ass to get good grades, excel in sports and get the hell out of here. I never wanted to see what was right in front of my face, because part of me, I guess, is afraid that I'll become just like my father. I don't want to be a womanizer and a cheat. I've seen what it's done to my mom and even though I know better, I can't help but fear that it's some sort of genetic trait that I might've inherited from the asshole.

It's with that thought alone, that I freeze and realize, that no matter how beautiful I just found Bella to be, I can't do that to her. I can't be anything to her, because she's had more heartache than any of us here in Brilliant could even fathom. I lost my dad, sure, but he's still here and there is still hope that he'll come back someday, slight hope, but still it's there. But, Bella, she'll never have her mother back, ever. I won't be the guy to hurt her any further.

I continue to eat in silence. My mom knows when I'm lost in thought that it's best not to push. She knows that if I want to really talk about it, I'll come to her. It's a mutual respect we have for the one another.

We both finish up and I grab the check before she can. I make a little bit of money from my part time job and I'm a man and supposed to pay for these things. I like being able to help take care of my mom, because she's done more than her fair share of taking care of me for eighteen years now. She still tries to fight me on it though, but I'll have none of that.

I walk up to the cash register and I hear her let out a resigned sigh. Yep, it annoys, her but I think she secretly loves it. She doesn't date, so she never has a man take her out to wine and dine her. And while going to the local diner for a cheeseburger and milkshake is not exactly a fine cuisine, it still puts a small smile on her face to be cared for in this way. I know it's the little things she misses the most.

I walk back over to her and pick up our coats, helping her into hers, before placing mine over my broad shoulders. I place my black cowboy hat back on my head as well. Then, I make sure to open the door for her my mother as we walk out. She's a lady and deserves to be treated as such.

"So, I'll see you at home in a few?" I'm not sure why she asks, she knows I always go straight home after our dinners.

"Yep, see you in a few. Wanna race?" I can't resist teasing her as she is slower than Christmas when it comes to driving. She'll be home ten minutes after I am.

"Oh kiddo, you are just so full of the jokes tonight aren't you? Give your poor Mama a break kid. I'm old and crotchety and can't see over the steering wheel anymore." She gives me her best old lady voice and I'm once again smiling.

"Good to see that smile again. I was worried about you in there." I hate worrying her, but I couldn't help but feel sick as to why I was so quiet in there.

"Yeah, sorry about that mom, I guess I'm just tired. See you in a few." I wave goodbye and hop into Sally, hoping some good tunes will ease this new ache in my heart.

Five minutes later, I'm pulling up into our old ranch style home and grab my bag as I climb out. I give Sally one last goodnight pat and head towards the door. I see the headlights coming and give a slight chuckle, as it seems Mom, might have actually gone the speed limit tonight and not ten miles under.

I wait for her before entering the house and sling my arm over her shoulder once she approaches. As soon as we enter, I start to head off to my room, needing to be alone with these new thoughts of me not being able to pursue Bella. It sounds noble in my head, but in reality, I'm I just being a dip shit about it? I'm not sure and I really need to figure this shit out.

My mom stops me before I make it two steps. "Listen kiddo, I know you, and I know what's going through your head." I'm not sure why I'm having trouble making eye contact with her tonight, but I find myself looking at the fluffy beige carpet.

I open my mouth to speak, eyes still downcast, "I just don't want to hurt her Mom. I mean I'm leaving here in a few months and she's had enough heartache in her life. I don't want to go messing with her head and well, honestly, she might not even like me like that."

"Oh son, you are just precious, you know that?" She grabs my face and forces me to look up at her to see the truth in her eyes. "Son, I know the real reason you are afraid, not just of Bella, but of any girl for that matter. But Edward, you are nothing and I mean nothing like your father. You are respectful, sweet, kind and loyal. You want to know how I know this?"

I nod my head yes and stare right into her eyes which are twinkling with tears as she continues, "Well, it's simple really. I know this, because_ I_ raised you to be better, not _him_. Just think about that kiddo, before you start going all saving her for her own good crap, okay?"

She doesn't let me respond, just pats me on the head and walks toward her own room. Before she shuts the door, I hear her say, "Oh, and Edward, she'd be a fool not to like you and let you in. Goodnight, I love you son."

I'm frozen in my spot, letting her words play in my head for a moment. I realize I'm much too tired to really contemplate this tonight and so, I head to my room.

I place my cowboy hat, back on it's hook in my closet, as I'll never just toss this old thing around. It was a gift from my grandpa after my father left and I'll cherish it every single day for the rest of my life, because of the story that goes along with it.

I then change into my favorite grey sweat pants and my old black Skynrd concert T, it belonged to _him_, but I still fucking love it. I pull back my covers, grab my TV remote and turn it to Sports Center. The last thing I remember are thoughts of kissing the most beautiful dark haired girl with the sweetest lips ever created.

**A/N: Hmm… So, yeah here's the thing… I will not, I repeat, will not, do the Edward leaving for her own good thing. ARGH! Sick of reading that in fics.**

**As always, thanks for reading guys! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to the brilliant Stephenie Meyer**

**Thank you all so much for the alerts, faves, and reviews. You guys are the best.**

**Still not beta'd, so yeah, read at your own risk.**

**Nuisance**

**Chapter 5**

I wake up Saturday morning, disoriented from my dream of the mystery boy that made me feel so safe. I don't fool myself into typical teenage fantasies of some sweet boy coming in and sweeping me off of me feet. I'm not your typical girl and I'm not looking for my Prince Charming.

Plus, I'm still pissed this morning over the whole Edward thing. I know it's not fair, because he doesn't have a father, but he could have. His father could come back at anytime and be a constant in his life again. Then he would have the perfect mother and father. While, I, will never, ever have my mother back.

Is Charlie enough? Yes, of course he is. He's the best father ever and he's enough. Do I still long for a mother and someone to gush over boys with and work out my feelings with? Of course I do and it kills me that I'll never have that.

Oh well, I need to just get over this shit, because she's never coming back and I have to accept my lot in life.

I push the covers down and roll out of bed. A quick glance in the mirror on the way to the bathroom proves that it was rough night of sleep. My hair looks like I got into a cat fight and my pillow won. First step, find a brush to tame this wild mane.

I take care of my business and make my way downstairs. I have no idea what time it is, but it's obviously mid to late morning, judging by the blinding sun peeking through our windows. As I squint my eyes and feel my way to the kitchen, the phone rings. I quickly make my way downstairs. I guess I left my cell down here last night. I know who it is though, without even looking at the caller id.

"Good morning Kate." She's the only one that calls at this time on a Saturday morning and I'm sure she's chomping at the bit to tell me all about her night.

"Hey girl. Whatcha doing?" I don't know why she even bothers, as she knows I'm just sitting here doing nothing.

"Oh you know, finding a cure for cancer and ending world hunger." My inner sarcastic bitch is not a morning person.

"Glad to know you didn't lose your sense of humor over night? I'd sure miss Bitchy Bella."

"Why don't you just cut to the chase and tell me all about Gar-rett." I can't help but sing his name in a teasing tone.

I take a seat on the kitchen bar stool, as I know this will be a long conversation and I'm sure she's about to be in full on gushing mode.

"Well, since you asked so nicely, he's great. Well, he's amazing actually. I really hate that you didn't come last night."

I roll my eyes at that, glad that she can't see me as she'd want to kick my ass for doing so.

"That's awesome Kate, I'm so glad you had a good time. You know, that those parties are not my cup of tea. Plus, my dad would worry and he worries enough about me. Why add to his stress?"

For some reason anytime I want to do something fun, I feel guilty about it. Like, why is it alright for me to have a good time and go out with friends, when Charlie doesn't? He works hard, then comes home and spends time with me or reads. People around town gossip that I'm acting too old or too mature for my age. Yes like that's a bad thing?

The truth is though, I have to be. I basically had to grow up at seven years old. I had to learn to cook and clean to help my daddy out. So, now I'm an old soul, wiser than my years and people in this shitty little town see it as a bad thing. I'm not complaining about that one bit. At least I'm levelheaded and make smart decisions. It's more than you can say about these gossiping bitties' children.

I guess I've zoned out on the conversation for too long, because Kate is screaming in my ear. Freaking hell she's loud.

"I'm gonna hang up if you yell in my ear like that again." I add in a chuckle to let her know I'm just teasing. The last thing I need is a pissy Kate.

I drum my fingernails against the countertop as she goes on and on about how great Garrett is and how much fun she had. She even tries to convince me that Alice's blonde bob twin, Jane Morgan, was halfway decent last night. I almost choke on air with that comment.

"You're shitting me right? You mean to tell me that you hung out with Jane last night and that you actually had a decent time? Are you feeling okay? Do I need to bring over some medication or something? I mean you're clearly delusional."

I hate to admit that I'm sort of jealous that she had a good time without me last night and with one of the Whoreleaders at that. I just hope that her new interest in Garrett won't be the demise of our friendship. I don't know what I'd do without Kate. Her and my daddy are all I have. Although, I guess I need to get used to the idea of her not being around, as she'll be leaving sooner rather than later.

I act like I'm into the conversation, adding my own comments in here and there, but I'm really starting to feel even more bummed out by our conversation. While I'm mature in many ways, in others I feel that I'm being bypassed. I'm not growing up and gaining the life experiences that my peers are. Now, I just need to figure out if I need to bite the bullet and put myself out there and learn some things of my own? It's a scary thought and I've been content in my own little bubble of school, Kate and my dad for so long, that I just don't know if I can or want to do it. I don't know if I want to let someone in my inner circle, and give them the chance to leave or hurt me.

I focus back on our conversation, because I don't want to think about those other thoughts right now. I don't want to worry about anything, but being excited for my friend and her budding new romance.

As she carries on, she does relieve my fears, in that she didn't associate with Alice all night. In fact, she said Alice was all tied up in the various bedrooms with various football players, before going home with Jasper. All the while, Jasper was just happy as a clam, sitting around drinking beer and playing poker with some of the other members of the team. Freaking weird shit if you ask me.

I know I shouldn't ask this, because I hate him, but something about that dream and the fear of being left behind, makes me bolder, so I do. "So, um… was Edward there last night?"

I wait not so patiently for her answer. I squeeze my eyes shut so tightly that I start to see spots when I open them.

"Edward? Why would Edward be there and why do you care?" I don't' even know how to answer her, because I myself don't know why I care or why I want to know. I just do.

"Um—I don't really, I was just curious. I saw him after the game, while I was waiting for you. I was just curious if he ended up there last night is all."

I know she's not buying my bullshit, but she answers anyway.

"No, you know he doesn't go to those things. He always goes and eats with his mom and then straight home. He's a lot like you actually. Well according to some of the things Garrett said about him last night."

And this is why I didn't want to say anything to her. I knew she would push this. "Listen Kate, I know what you're doing here, so just don't. Don't play matchmaker. I'm not interested in dating anyone. I want to graduate and move on with my life."

I can feel my agitation grow and I hate that I'm feeling like this towards Kate. I know she means well.

"Okay, I'm sorry. I'll drop it, but like I said last night B, it wouldn't' kill you to have a little fun. It's alright, you know?"

I feel tears stinging in my eyes, waiting to flow down my face. I'm so ready to end this conversation, head back to bed and try to start this day all over again in a few hours.

"I do have fun Kate, you know that. And plus, I mean, Edward's probably leaving here in a few months along with all of you. Why would he stay?" Honestly, why would anyone stay if they didn't have to or they have the last name Brandon and they know they will be shit if they go anywhere else.

I let out a loud yawn. I guess this conversation has exhausted me and going back to bed, really does sound like a good idea. I'm a teenager, isn't that what we're supposed to do?

"Okay, okay, I get it. You're bored of this conversation. I'll let it go, and let you get back to bed. Call me later cranky pants."

I stand up, already making my way back up the stairs. "You are just so funny this morning Kate. I'll call you later, promise. Now go back into your Garrett love craze haze."

She giggles before saying her final goodbye. I waste no time, crawling back under my cozy comforter. Hoping I'll have more dreams of my actual dream man.

Hours later, I wake up and know that I've slept too damn long and I need to get my lazy butt up. I've got homework to do and need to help my dad with the housework.

I make my way downstairs and try to find him to see what needs to be done. I'm sure he has a mountain of laundry piled up in his room that needs washing, but he hates to ask.

"Dad, where are you?" I walk into the living room after looking in the kitchen and find him sitting in his recliner curled up with the same book from last night. My dad is just adorkable. He's so into his book that he doesn't hear me enter the room.

I bend down right to his hear and yell his name again. This makes him jump so high and clutch his heart. I can't help but laugh.

"Oh, Daddy, you are so easy to sneak up on."

He closes his book and I take a seat on the loveseat beside him.

"Sorry about that baby, you know how much I get sucked into these damn things." He holds the book up shaking it slightly to prove his point.

"You know I do and you know I'm the same way. Anyway, I was wondering what was on the agenda for today?"

I tuck my legs under me to get more comfortable and wipe the sleep from my eyes while I wait for him to respond.

"Oh, you mean besides sleeping all day? Gee I don't know. I guess we could continue on with our sloth and lie here all day and read." Seems my dad has found a new friend, sarcasm.

"Yeah, yeah, sorry about that. I'm a growing girl and need my beauty sleep Daddy." I try to throw in some southern belle charm to get him to crack another smile.

"Well, I don't think you ever need to sleep again, because you're already the most beautiful girl in the world. It's just not fair to the others really." And there he is, the sweet Dad all girls wish they had, but I'm blessed with.

"Oh Dad, you're so sappy, but I love you anyway." I give him a wide smile and a very girly giggle and he gives me a grunt in return.

"I love you too pumpkin. Now, I guess we do need to get some stuff done today. I'm gonna go clean out the garage, so would you mind running to the sporting goods store for me? I need one of those fishing rod holders for all of those fishing poles that I never use, that are just hanging out in the garage."

How right he is. I remember when he bought all of that fishing gear, thinking we could start a new hobby and while we went a few times, it never really stuck and now all of that stuff is just cluttering up our garage. I guess if we're not going to get rid of it, it'd be nice if it was at least somewhat organized and not just one big tangled mess of fishing lines and lures.

I reluctantly stand from my comfy position on the couch and immediately stretch it out, before responding to him.

"Yeah, okay. You're right; we do need one of those things. I'm tired of that crap being strewn all over place. Now, give me some money old man." I love teasing him like this. It's fun to make fun of typical teenage girls and act like I'm begging my daddy for money. I'll never be a ditz with Daddy's credit card and I cringe just thinking about it.

He shakes his head and laughs at my lame attempt at a joke. "Nice try Bella, but you just can't pull off that Valley girl act very well."

I snap my fingers. "Darn, I thought I nailed that Alice Brandon act perfectly." I knew I shouldn't have said her name the second it came out of my mouth. Dad hates when I talk about anyone in a negatively and I usually don't, mainly just her and only because she hurt me in the past. Oh and she's a major bitch too.

Dad leans up in his chair and really looks me in the eye. Yeah, he's trying to be the stern father for a minute. "Now Bella, you know she's not that bad and her father does a lot of good for our community."

I roll my eyes in typical defiant teen behavior at his words. He doesn't understand and I've never really told him just how hurtful Alice has been over the years. I don't want him to worry about me anymore than he does. I'm a big girl and I can handle catty girls like Alice.

"Yeah, you're right. Sorry about that." I try to hold a miniscule amount of truth in my voice. I want him to buy it a little bit anyway.

"So, yeah, I guess I'll see you in a bit." I start to head towards the door, thinking I have a pair of shoes over there and I can just slip them on and head out.

"Um—Bella you gonna wear your pajama's out?" Well shit! I forgot I was in my sleepwear still. Not that it matters. I'm not trying to impress anyone. For some reason, a thought slips through my mind. _Edward works at the sporting goods store_.

I let out a loud groan and head back upstairs. When I get there though, I decide I don't really give a shit and slip on my tennis shoes and my leather jacket over my pajamas. Yeah, I'm totally gonna make a fashion statement with this shit.

When I get back down stairs, Dad takes one look at me and shakes his head and laughs. "You're one of a kind darlin'." I take that as a compliment, give him a wide smile in return and head out the door.

For some reason on the drive over, I'm a little nervous. Part of me still hates Edward and part of me, the part from my dream that thinks the guy somehow reminds me of Edward, is a little fluttery and that shit scares me. Why in hell am I fluttery? Bella Swan doesn't do girly and butterflies over anyone.

I don't have a lot of time to think about it though, because I'm already in the store parking lot. I pop a piece of gum in mouth, because yeah, I'm skanky and haven't brushed my teeth yet. I don't want to blow the cashier out of the store with my Billy goat breath.

I walk in and keep my head down. It's not that I'm embarrassed; I just don't really want to see or fake niceties with anyone. I'm not sure what aisle this fishing rod holder thingy is down, so I'm just searching aisle after aisle. I feel someone approach me from behind and I turn around and bump right into them.

"Son of a bitch! Did I just run into a fucking rock wall?" I hear a deep manly chuckle coming from in front of me.

"No, not a rock wall, but thanks for the complement. I work out." He's fucking kidding me with this shit right?

I look up into his green eyes and I'm not falling all over myself like Alice, but I can see the cuteness to him, but, "Did you really just say you work out?"

He just chuckles again and continues to stare into my eyes. It's creeping me out and making me have those stupid flutters all at the same time. I hate him remember? Yeah, I need to work with that emotion.

I take my eyes away from his gaze and slightly push his chest away. It's a nice chest, but still, he's too damn close and I can't think, let alone breathe.

"Yeah, so how is that working for you, Edward? Are the girls falling all over your awesome pick up lines? Hmm? Why don't you try using them on Alice, I'm not biting."

I look up at him again and see a little hurt in his eyes and it makes me feel bad for a second, but then I remind myself that I don't care and don't have time for boys.

"O-kay well, sorry about that Bella." Something about the way he says my name, makes those fucking girly feelings appear again. Freaking shit! It's my senior year and I've gone this long without these feelings, why do I have to have them now?

"Shit, I'm sorry Edward. I'm just a grouch today." He gives me a slight smirk, but I can tell he's still scared to talk to me after Bitchy Bella surfaced.

"It's no biggie. By the way, cute pajama's." And fucking hell, I guess I should've changed my clothes. If I knew Edward Cullen fashion police was going to be out today, I might have.

I tug my jacket tighter, trying to find comfort in it, when I all I want to do is up and run from here and Edward's entrancing gaze.

I keep my eyes downcast, suddenly nervous in his presence. "Yeah, sorry I slept in and just had to come over here and get one of those fishing pole holder thingies. So, do you know what aisle I can find them on so I can get out of here?"

Before the words are completely out of my mouth, he's moving and motioning for me to follow him. I do, because he seems to know where he's going and well, I have to admit I liked he's view from behind.

Dammit Bella! You hate him remember? We walk a few more aisle's over and I see it before we even get to it. I grab one, but Edward stops me.

"Here it's kinda heavy. Let me carry it up there for you and out to your truck. After all, I'm a rock wall, remember?" Shit! I'll never live that down.

I give him what I hope is a snarl, but I'm also fighting an actual smile too, because his teasing is kind of cute, but I hate him.

"Fine, suit yourself." I don't wait for him and I make my way up to the cash register. It seems Edward is doing a little bit of everything today as he scans the holder and rings me up too. As soon as I pay he's hot on my trail, carrying the holder like its tiny stick. I want to look and maybe gawk at him, but I don't.

I remind myself once again that he's just a nuisance. A nuisance that has a mother that loves him. A nuisance that will be leaving this town behind like a bitter memory in a few months.

Edward loads it into the back of my truck and just stands there looking at me again. He's blushing and it's kind of adorable.

I turn around and walk to my driver's side door and pull the handle. I turn around and see that he is still standing there staring. It's a little weird too. I'll admit that. I'm not sure what he's waiting for, but a take a stab at it anyway.

"Well, thanks for your help. See you at school Monday." He's still standing there in a trance it seems.

"Oh, yeah, um Monday, at school. Yeah, cool, see you then Bella." I wave goodbye as I climb in and I hear him say, "Oh and you're welcome."

I drive off and chance a glance back at him and see him standing there with a goofy grin on his face and nuisance or not, I can't help but let a matching smile takeover mine as well. But, I still hate him.

**A/N: Thanks so much for reading guys. It means so much to me! **


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to the brilliant Stephenie Meyer**

**Oh my goodness guys… you are all wonderful. I feel like someone rec'd FNL somewhere and if you did, thank you so much. There was an influx of alerts and faves over the past few days, so thanks to you all. **

**Hope you all had a very Merry Christmas!**

**Taillights**

**Chapter 6**

I'm frozen in my spot and I'm pretty sure I have a job to do that consists of stocking fishing lures and various sports equipment. All I can do though is stare at the taillights of an old beat up red Chevy. I guess I'm hoping that she'll turn around and confess her undying love to me. Freaking A talk about a cliché. This is real life, not a damn movie and she pretty much made it clear how she feels about me.

I'm not a complete idiot. I can tell I annoyed her. I just don't know how to get to her. It's like she's walking around with this chip on her shoulder. I'll be damned if I don't want to crumble that chip into a million pieces and be there to catch her when she falls from the weight of losing it.

I shake myself out of my Bella induced haze and head back into the store. It's a good thing I have a pretty much mindless job, because my mind is doing a step by step break down of my ten minute interaction with her. She's making me feel like such a girl over this, all up in my brain and not leaving and shit.

It's no wonder that Mr. Newton is telling me it's time to go home hours later. Time sure did fly by with my Bella Brain. I take off my name tag and clock out, making my way out to Sally. Once there, I don't even jam out to my classics. This is fucking ridiculous.

I pull into the house and walk in and wait to be grilled by my mom. She'll know as soon as she sees this expression on my face that something is up. I just hope that she'll help me make sense of it all and come up with a plan.

I walk into the kitchen and it smells amazing. Mom must be making my favorite, chili. I'm about to tear that shit up too. I'm a growing boy, so I hope she made a double batch.

"Hey Mom! I'm freaking starving and it smells awesome." I'm trying to keep my voice even and distract her. I should know better though. She never misses a thing.

She doesn't even turn around from her spot in front of the stove, just dives right in. "Nice try kiddo, mind telling me what that tone is in your voice? I'm sensing some excitement, so go on and spill."

She keeps stirring the chili and I take a seat at the table, placing my elbows on it and my head in my palms, giving my face a good calming rub down. "Well, um—well." Shit, why can't I just tell her about what happened?

"Well um, what? What's got you all nervous kiddo?" She turns around to look at me and gives me a sympathetic smile before continuing with her stirring and mixing of ingredients. "Hmm… would this have something to do with a certain girl?"

I can't help but chuckle. I think my mom has waited forever to be able to talk with me about girls. She's gonna milk this shit for all it's worth too. I guess I gotta give her a little then.

I keep my head down and talk to the table, thankful that her back is still to me as well. It would be hard as hell to talk to her about this kinda stuff eye to eye. "Um, yeah, it's about Bella. She came into the store today, Mom and now she's completely messing with my head."

Mom, just lets out a hmm, and it agitates me. I'm gonna need a hell of a lot more than an hmm, to help me out. "That's all you got is a hmm." I don't snap at her, because I'd never disrespect her that way. I just tease her a little.

I look at her and see her shoulders shake with laughter. Great, now she's laughing at me. I can't help, but laugh as well, because I feel like I'm losing my mind over this girl.

"Well son, I'm afraid I'm going to need more than, 'Bella came into the store today,' to help you out here. Maybe tell me what happened and what was said." This time she turns the burner off and walks over to me, taking the seat in the chair across from me. I guess we're about to have a serious conversation here.

"Well, aren't we nosy now, Mom?" I'm nervous and she knows it. I always try to deflect by teasing her.

I sigh and place my hands out on the table between us. She grabs my hands and I continue, dinner forgotten for now. "Okay, so she came into the store and she didn't see me at first, but I saw her wondering down the aisles, like she was on a mission for something." I chuckle again, thinking about how frustrated she looked roaming the store.

"Oh my goodness, I like this girl already if she's bringing this big smile to your face and that happy laugh into our home." I can't help but blush again at her words. She's right though, this house, while not completely depleted of happiness, doesn't just exude warmth and joy most of the time.

I give her hands a good squeeze and continue on. "She looked so darn cute too, Mom. She was wearing these flannel pajamas and that old black leather jacket that she's always wearing. She's just so different from all of the other girls in this town, you know? I mean she just doesn't give a shit about what she's wearing or if her hair is fixed or any of that girly stuff." Mom just nods and smiles, waiting for me to continue, as she knows I'm far from done with this story.

My stomach though, has other plans and lets out a rumble so loud that we both crack up over it. I guess it's pissed off at me because I didn't eat lunch today. I was too busy and distracted I guess.

Mom stands up and walks over to the cabinet, grabbing large bowls for the both of us, then spoons us out enough chili to feed the entire Brilliant football team, which she's been known to do from time to time.

She places the heaping bowel in front of me with Frito's, cheese and sour cream. She's knows me too well. I love some Frito Chili Pie, especially hers. I'm stuffing my face and she just continues to stare at me, as she gracefully brings a small spoonful into her own mouth.

I guess she's waiting for me to continue. "Gah! Okay, so anyway, I could tell she was looking for something and I thought I'd help her out a bit. You know, be a gentleman and all. I thought chicks liked that sort of thing. I guess she didn't though."

Mom places her spoon down with a little more force than normal and it makes a loud clanging noise against the bowl. "Son, first off, you never and I mean never, call a girl a chick, ever. Please, tell me you didn't call her that to her face, please." She looks so serious and I just crack a big shit eating grin at her. I'm gonna make her suffer a little bit.

"Yeah, so? Do you think that hurt my chances with her? What's wrong with the word chick?" Oh this is too easy to get a rise out of her. I know better than to call a girl, chick or babe or any other slightly derogatory term, but it's fun to watch mom squirm a little.

"Oh my goodness child! What am I going to do with you? I thought I raised you better than that. Now how am I going to help you fix this mess with her? Oh geez kiddo." I have to cut her suffering off now, before she grabs a switch from outside and spanks me with it.

I drop my spoon mid bite and grab her hands again. "Mom, I'm kidding. I know better than to use a term like that. I was just trying to get a rise out of you and it seems it worked." She swats my hand and resumes eating, but that smile behind her spoon is worth the teasing. She's beautiful when she smiles and I wish she would more often.

"Well, let's get to the good stuff kiddo. Did you speak to her at all, or just stalk her around the store?" Oh she is just eating this shit up and I'm gonna let her.

I put my spoon down for good this time until I finish this story. "No, I talked to her. I went up to her and approached her from behind. I must've scared her, because she turned around and slammed right into me." I stop, gauging mom's reaction again and her smile doesn't disappoint.

"Anyway, she mumbled something about running into a rock wall and Mom, I couldn't help but gloat over her words. I actually thought it'd be easier than I originally thought it'd be to get her to talk to me, to get to know her better. I mean I can't believe we've gone to school together this long and I feel like I know nothing about her aside from the fact that her mother died of cancer when we were young and she's really smart. Oh and she likes to wear that old black leather jacket."

I hear Mom giggling at me again and I look into her eyes to see what's so funny. "I'm sorry Son, but it seems like you know more about her than you think. And if you really give it some thought, you will discover how much you do know about her." She pauses giving me a knowing look before continuing, "But, I do think there is still a lot left to learn about her. The question is, do you want to and does she want to know about you in return?"

I let her hands drop and sigh in frustration as well. "I do want to know about her, Mom and I want us to get to know about each other. I've never felt so flustered over anyone before."

Mom picks up her spoon and continues eating, letting me work out my thoughts and what I want to tell her. "Okay, so there's more and I need you to help me figure this out. You're a girl, you understand how they work. Tell me why after she said that thing about the rock wall; she acted mad at me and angry that I was even there in her space at all?"

I'm angry now, because she just busts out laughing at me. "It's not funny. I mean she was right there in my arms and I steadied her and it felt like we had this moment. Yeah, I know that sounds cheesy, but I don't care. Anyway, we were staring at each other one minute and she's pushing me away the next. I just don't understand."

I shuffle in my seat when she holds her hand up to stop me. "Hold on, let me ask you something. So, after she called you a rock wall and you had this so called moment. Did you say anything in between that, which would've caused her to push you away?" Hmm… I had to think about that. Did I say something? And then I remembered. Shit, I'm an ass.

"Yeah, I might've said, something along the lines of, 'I workout.' Yeah she didn't seem to like that too much." Mom just groans and now I know I made a compete fool of myself.

"Oh kiddo, don't ever, ever use pick up lines on a girl you really like, especially not a smart girl like Bella Swan. I'm sure that went over really well, obviously." She just looks down and shakes her head. "So, tell me what happened after that."

I tell her how she snapped and then apologized and how she seemed a little moody actually. Mom just laughed and said that's just how girls are. I continued telling her the rest of our interaction, how I helped carry the fishing rod holder out to her truck. She doesn't interrupt, just let's me continue. I get to the part where she thanks me and tells me she'll see me at school on Monday and how awkward and tongue tied I was when I tried to say goodbye to her.

So, why do you think you were so nervous, son?" Oh like she doesn't know. She just wants me to outright say it, to straight up tell her how she makes me feel.

"Alright old lady, that's enough prying for one night. That's all you're gonna get out of me, now you just need to tell me what to do next." I sit and wait for her words of wisdom with my hands in a steeple and chin resting comfortably on them.

"Oh my beautiful boy, you know I can't tell you what to do. What do you want to do and more importantly, what do you think you should do?" Well, shit, if I knew I wouldn't be asking my mother for her opinion.

"I don't know Mom, should I call her and ask her out or something? I mean do you think she's even interested?" I'm so fucking nervous just thinking about this.

"Chill out Son, first, no, I don't think you should ask her out yet. Oh heavens, you are not even near ready for that step yet. Why don't you think smaller? What do you think the next step should be?"

She sat back in her chair as I thought it over. So, it's too soon to ask her out, but is it too soon to call her? "So, what if I called her today or tomorrow and asked how the rod holder worked out? Do you think that would be too much too soon? Should I just wait and try to talk to her Monday? I'm just at a loss here Mom. I don't know the first thing about girls and what they like and what to do and not do. Throw me a bone here, please." Yeah, I was not above begging at this point.

"Well son, I don't think a phone call will hurt, but why don't you give it a night before you call. You're all flustered and confused. Take tonight to collect your thoughts and what you want to say. Ladies like a man that's honest above all, but also has a comfortable confidence to him." Yeah, all of that sounds good.

I give her a nod and let her know I'm listening and taking her words to heart. I always do. She's a smart lady.

I lean forward and start counting the steps off out loud. "Alright, so first give it a night, think it over. I'll call tomorrow, be cool and collected, but not over the top and cocky."

Mom claps her hand with enthusiasm. "Exactly son, girls like confidence, but cocky and cheesy, like you started out being today, is a major turnoff. Well, for intelligent girls and any girl worth having that is." And oh Bella is super smart and for sure a girl worth having.

We finish up our discussion and supper. I tell Mom to go on and get comfortable and I'll clean up the kitchen. It's the least I can do for her. She's worked hard all day and shouldn't have to do all of the cooking and cleaning too. I'm a grown man and can shoulder some of the responsibilities as well.

She kisses my cheek and tells me I'm such a sweet boy. I just blush at her words that I should be used to by now. I then finish up cleaning and head to my room for the night.

I guess I was more tired than I thought and dozed off early last night, because I wake up with the Sunday morning sun shining through. I panic for a little bit, thinking that today is the day, that I'm gonna call Bella and I have no freaking clue what I'm going to say.

I look at the clock and see that it's only eight o'clock and I sigh in relief. It's way too early to call anyone anyway. Then another thought hits me, one that I've never really considered or worried about before, I'm gonna see her at church in a few hours. She's always there, every Sunday with her father, just as my mom and I are. Why didn't I or better yet my mother either, think of this last night in our plotting and planning?

I jump out of bed and have a mini freak out and like a total girl; I worry about what I'm going to wear. I've never ever had to worry about that shit before and I've seen her there every Sunday since we were little kids. This is so fucking weird and stressful. I take a few deep breaths to calm down. That doesn't work, so I know a nice hot shower will.

Once I'm done in the shower, I get dressed in my typical khakis and a hunter green polo shirt, tan socks and brown shoes. I go back into the bathroom contemplating what to do with my hair. It's usually hidden under my cowboy hat or football helmet and when it's not, it's a crazy mess that looks like it's just been flattened by either of those. But Sunday's, Mom expects me to fix it, or at least run a comb through it.

Now that I like Bella, should I put some gel in it or something? Shit, why am I being such a fucking woman about this? I pick up my comb and run it through my hair like I normally do. Okay, so maybe I run my fingers through it a little and fluff it up a bit, giving it a more modern style. I just hope she likes it and notices. Maybe it'll be a conversation starter for us.

Shit! We don't even sit on the same side of the church and her and her dad usually up and leave as soon as church is over. They don't stay around for small town chit chat like the rest of us. So, how in the hell am I going to talk to her today?

I don't know, but I do know that I want to and later as we're pulling up to the Methodist church and I see her climbing out of that red Chevy, I know that I have to. I have to talk to her, because she's looks like an angel with her brown hair swept back in a pretty low ponytail with slight curls to the end. She's wearing a light pink dress that flows so perfectly over her beautiful body. I just want to reach out and touch her flawless pale skin that seems as if it's glistening in the Alabama sunlight. She's gorgeous and there is no doubt in my mind that I want her.

Step one is striking up a conversation without sounding like a total douche. It's a good thing we're heading into church; because I'm gonna need all of the prayers I can get with this one.

**A/N: Thanks again for reading. I hope you are all still enjoying this Edward and Esme after this chapter. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to the brilliant Stephenie Meyer**

**So a quick thank you to two awesome readers that rec'd this fic out, thanks to beegurl13 and blueeyebrat. And thanks to each and every single one of you that have put this on alert or faves and of course for your awesome reviews.**

**Please, please forgive me for not responding to reviews. They and you all mean so much to me. **

**Dropped Bible and Prayers**

**Chapter 7**

As I'm walking into the church, I hear someone shouting my name. _Well isn't this new?_ The only person that usually talks to me at church is my dad or Kate. It's not that I'm a complete outcast, people just know to leave me alone and I think they are a still a little afraid to approach me. People don't know how to react to death and all I ever see is pity out of people's eyes, even after all of this time. I'm so damn sick of pity.

I turn my head once again and see who is trying to get my attention. I'm actually not shocked to see that it's Edward. He was acting a little over eager yesterday. I'm just not sure why now? Why all of the sudden is he interested in me or something about me anyway. And maybe I'm getting ahead of myself here; maybe he just has a question about some homework assignment or something. Although, he's just as smart, if not smarter than I am. Oh well, I guess I'll see what he wants.

I look up at my daddy first, and see him giving me a questioning look as well. "Your guess is as good as mine Dad." He shuffles around from foot to foot for a minute. This is new to him too, having a guy trying to get my attention for whatever reason, is not something that happens to me everyday. Not that I'm unattractive, I have my mom to thank for that, but people still avoid me, especially guys. I guess I just send off that don't fuck with me vibe.

I keep my place staring at the ground for a second longer, waiting for something. Permission maybe or maybe just the courage to step out of my comfort zone and actually talk to someone outside of my inner circle. I guess Daddy got tired of me just standing there, avoiding the situation. "Well, go on baby girl, go see what he needs."

I don't know why his words scare me, but they do, straight to my damn core. I mean I've known Edward since we were kids, but something's different and I don't know what it is and not sure I want to either.

I take a deep breath, give my dad a death glare and turn to walk toward Edward. The gravel was crunching under my heels as I make my way closer to the unknown with each load wobbly step. I just pray that I won't fall flat on my face before I get to him. I look up to see him, giving me that same cheesy ass smile from yesterday and for some reason, those stupid girly flutters come up again. This girly girl shit has to stop right fucking now. This is ridiculous.

I frown right back at Edward, letting him know that I'm not here to fawn over him like every other girl does. I'm just being polite, because we're right outside of God's house and it's the Christian thing to do. I keep walking and see that Edward is also walking closer, thank goodness he's gonna meet me halfway. I mean why should the girl do all of the work here. He's the one that wants to talk to me, not the other way around.

We're just about to meet in the middle and it seems like it's taking us forever, like some slow motion movie scene. Before he even gets to me though, Edward trips on some loose gravel and drops his Bible right at my feet. _Dear God, is this some sort of cheesy sign or something or are you telling me to run away now, before I get hurt?_

I grab Edward and help him steady himself, before I reach down and pick up his Bible. When I hand him the Good Book back, I see that he looks like a freaking cherry tomato. I guess he's embarrassed and for some reason, I want to comfort him and ease his discomfort a bit.

"So, I thought the quarterback would have better hand eye coordination." I thought teasing him would be the best way, but what did I know. I'm a social pariah. What I find humorous and others do, are two different things. I'm a bit of a sarcastic bitch, just smidge.

He blushes again and I really didn't realize that people could turn that red without being exposed to the sun for hours without a powerful sun block, but I guess Edward is proving me wrong. He's so red, it actually looks painful.

He chances a glance to my eyes and his own crinkle in a mixture of amusement and embarrassment. He lets out a small chuckle before responding. "Ha! Yeah, I'm normally not such a klutz. I don't know what's come over me." It seems like he wants to say more or his eyes were saying more anyway. He's keeping secrets or telling me only half truths, and that's fine. It's none of my business really.

I snap out of our staring contest and redirect the conversation. "So, what did you need? You called me over here, was it just to help you walk into the church? If so, I'm sure Jasper or one of your other teammates could help you. I mean I'm strong, but I'm not that strong." I'm rambling and I'm not sure why. Maybe he's making me nervous, or maybe I'm just showing my social awkwardness once again.

He laughs again and I suddenly feel like an idiot and want to escape. He seems to laugh at me a lot and it does nothing but further my discomfort. I'm not that funny and the only thing I can figure is he's making fun of me. I really don't need this crap and I start to turn to leave, wanting to escape into the actual sanctuary of the church.

As I turn, I hear him let out an angry sigh and I know that I need to get away from him as quickly as possible. I'm not sure what he wanted, but it's clear that it isn't anything nice. Two things I don't want from people: their pity or to be the butt of their joke.

I'm walking as quickly as possible in these heels and this gravel to get inside the church and find comfort in God, Kate, and my dad. I hear him shout my name, but I don't stop and I don't turn around. I'll be so glad when church is over and I can escape into some book world and calm down. For now, I'll have to settle for God's word and some comforting prayers.

I reach the door and shake the preacher's hand and give his wife a hug. Pastor Webber and his wife Nancy are two of the sweetest people in this town and their ten year old daughter Angela is just as precious. I give her a giant hug too, before grabbing my program from the greeter and taking my seat next to my dad.

Daddy tries to get my attention and so does Kate, but thankfully I'm saved by the choir as they start to filter in from the side doors and take their rightful places as the pianist begins the first hymn of the morning.

I'm lost in the song, truly feeling it and the message it brings. I really need this, this spiritual healing that only a Sunday morning service can bring. My heart has been heavy these past few days and being here is helping to ease it a bit.

I can feel Kate's eyes on me as we wait for the choir to begin their next song and I stupidly look over at her and mouth, "what?"

She leans over and whispers in my ear, "What in the world was Edward Cullen talking to you about out there?" She points behind her, motioning to the parking lot, but all I can do is shake my head.

"I don't know, but I think he was trying to make fun of me. I don't think it was to be friendly. I guess I'm the target of the Whoreleaders and he's just following their orders." Kate shakes her head no at me, like she doesn't believe that for a second.

"Um—don't be stupid Bella. You and I both know that Edward isn't like that. I mean have you seen the way he blatantly ignores Alice and her crew. In fact, I think they scare him a little bit, with their overaggressive sexual nature. Garrett told me that-" She was cut off again with some shushing coming from old Mrs. Snider behind us.

We giggle, acting like little girls again, before composing ourselves and following along in the song. Dad looks over at us and gives us a little smirk. I think he's just happy to hear me laugh after my sour attitude from my short conversation with Edward.

Part of me is still stuck on what Kate was about to say. What did Garrett tell her? I want to ask, but I don't want to get shushed again, so I'll just wait until after church.

A little later the choir is adjourned and Mr. Webber takes his place behind the podium. I try to focus on what he's saying, but I let my mind drift in and out. I also look around the church a little bit to see who all is in attendance today. Thankfully everyone seems focused on either their Bible's or the preacher.

I see Alice, dressed to the nines sitting with her oh so perfect little family and Jasper and Jane sitting on the same pew with her. Oh yes, we have to keep up the perfect appearance, right down to the football player/ dedicated boyfriend and the sweet little best friend. I want to puke.

I keep up my perusal of the pew crowds and see Ms. Esme and then my eyes land on those crazy bronze locks of his and I see him staring right at me, blush and all. I just don't get him though. Why is he looking at me like that? He acted like I was a joke out there earlier and now; he's just a blushing fool as he gazes at me from across the church aisle. This is just too weird and I don't like it at all.

I break our stare and focus back on Pastor Webber. I have this weird feeling now that someone is watching me, and I know that it's Edward, but why? Good gracious guys are unnerving. I just want church to be over and to get out of this place. What felt like a safe haven moments ago, suddenly is making me feel claustrophobic.

I try to take some deep breaths and keep my eyes on my Bible, making it seem as if I'm actually following along. I usually am, but not today, not when I can feel those green eyes on me. I'm starting to sweat and it's not even hot in here. I take off my cardigan to try and cool down. Kate gives me a questioning look and I move my head to point towards the back of the church where Edward and his mom always sit.

I see Kate look back and I nudge her hard in the ribs. She turns around and she's smiling at me, with a big shit eating grin. She nudges me right back and makes the signal for me to look back there again. Against better judgment I do and I once again catch his eyes. This time though, he's trying say something to me. It looks like he's saying "I'm sorry," but I'm not sure if he is and why he would be for that matter.

I reluctantly turn back around. I know I should try to ask him why, but part of me doesn't want to know what he's sorry for. I mean, is he sorry for talking to me, for staring at me, for even acknowledging me as a person? Is he sorry for something he's about to do or better yet what Alice and her crew are going to do to me? I stop myself right there from having any more paranoid thoughts. I'm being absurd now and I know it.

As Pastor Webber preaches on, I keep thinking about what he could be apologizing for and each thought is worse than the last. So, I give up and just pray about it. I am in church after all. I feel better and calmer immediately.

A little later, the choir takes over once again and Pastor Webber dismisses us. Dad and I waste no time, escaping the church. This is just our thing. We don't stick around for pity hugs and lunch invitations. We had enough of that the first year after Mom died and so we stopped sticking around after that. We just get up and head straight for the door, shaking Mr. Webber's hand on the way out.

I'm just about out of the door when I feel someone grabbing my arm. What in the world? I turn around and see Edward once again. I'm at the point where I just wish he'd leave me alone. I've been sitting there stewing in horrific thoughts of why he's even paying me attention, that I'm actually kind of scared of him now. I don't need any more hurt and drama in my life and if that's his plan, I just want to get out of here and away from him and everyone else.

I look in his eyes before saying, "What do you want Edward?" I guess he sees the fear and sadness there, the silent pleading for him not to hurt me, because he lets go of my arm. He then steps in front of me and once again asks me to follow him. For some odd reason I do.

He leads me to the side of the church before speaking. "Bella, listen, I'm really sorry about earlier, but please know I'm not making fun of you." I'm not sure how he knew I was thinking that, I guess my eyes give more away then I thought or maybe Kate mouthed something to him and I didn't know it.

"Edward, I—'' He cuts me off before I can finish though.

"Wait Bella, please let me finish." I nod for him to continue, avoiding his pleading stare.

"I just want to apologize for this morning. It really didn't go like I planned at all." I'm instantly confused, what did he have planned?

"Edward, I just don't understand. Why are you talking to me and what do you want from me?" He lets out a sigh in frustration and squeezes his eyes tightly shut.

"Bella, this isn't going how I wanted this to go." He pushes some gravel around with his polished brown shoes.

I'm watching the way the gravel gets shifted around under his feet, tryng my hardest to avoid his face. I'm looking anywhere but there. "Well, how did you want this to go, Edward? Forgive me, but I'm just a little confused here. You've never talked to me much before and now you're mocking me and then asking for my forgiveness. I just don't understand this at all."

He finally looks down at me with a look of nothing but determination. "Bella, I actually just wanted to um- to um uh, to see how that fishing rod holder worked out for you guys? Was it the right one?" He seems angry as the words come out of his mouth. Is he mad at me? I didn't do anything? He wanted to talk to me.

I decide he's just doing this to be polite. I guess his mom just wanted him to be nice to me for some reason, so I let him off the hook. "Uh, yeah, no more fishing line and hooks to trip and step on anymore. Thanks for your help. I can let the Newton's know that you did a good job, if that's what you're after."

I mean that's the only thing I can come up with here. Maybe he needs a raise or something. It makes sense I guess, because it's just him and his mom and I'm sure he's off to college in the fall and trying to save every penny he can. I can talk him up and help him out. Just because I'm not leaving and living out my dreams, doesn't mean I want to keep others from doing so.

I snap out of it when I hear him groan again. "Look Bella, that's not what I wanted to say. What I really want to know is if I can call you sometime. You know, talk and get to know each other a little bit. Maybe we can be friends or something." And I'm confused again and a little pissed off. I think I was right the first time; the Whoreleaders must've put him up to this.

I push past him and head to the truck, to my dad and closer to my home. I don't even look back and I'm thankful I make it the truck before I let the tears fall. I'm so sick of bitches and sad that Alice seems to have gotten her sharp claws into him too. He seemed so nice, but when he pulled the let's try to be friends shit, I knew he was trying to make a fool out of me.

We get home and I head straight to my room, practically ripping the dress and heels from my body. I'm so upset and hurt over this. My cell rings and I know it's just Kate. I throw my t-shirt and jeans on before answering. She's just gonna badger me with twenty questions anyway. She can wait.

I pick up the phone after about seven rings and answer with my typical "Hey Kate," greeting. I lack enthusiasm though, so I know she's about to attack me and try to make me laugh or ask me what's wrong. I'm shocked as shit though when I hear a masculine voice on the other end that is most assuredly not Kate.

**A/N: Thanks as always for reading. **

**Oh and to wakingsky, I love that you just get this country story, girl and the whole southern church aspect as well. You are awesome! **


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to the brilliant Stephenie Meyer**

**Thanks guys for all of your love and support for this fic! **

**Please, please forgive me for not responding to reviews. They and you all mean so much to me. **

**The Phone Call**

**Chapter 8**

I'm officially the biggest jack off on the planet. I mean clearly she thought I was making fun of her. I should've known it wasn't going to be easy actually talking to a girl I like, let alone one that's as guarded as Bella.

I growl in frustration and kick some gravel around for good measure, scuffing up my brown loafers in the process. I'm about to turn around when I feel someone behind me and so help me, if it's Alice Brandon, I'll scream. It doesn't matter that I'm standing right here in the church parking lot. I don't care. As soon as I feel the touch, I realize who it is before they even speak and I let out a sigh in relief.

"Hey mom." I don't know what else to say to her. I don't know how much she just witnessed.

She gives my shoulder a good comforting squeeze and I relax further. "Hey kiddo, so you mind telling me what that angry lion growl was all about? We're not on the football field son, so what's got you so keyed up?"

I turn around and shrug at her, not that that's going to appease her, but it's the best I can do in the moment. "I don't know Mom, but I think I just blew it." She gives me a kind smile and starts to lead me back over to Sally.

I open the door for her and close it behind her, always the gentlemen. Once I'm in the truck she breaks her silence. "Listen kiddo, I promise I didn't over hear the conversation, but you have to be careful with this one. Bella's had a lot of tragedy in her life. Yes, even more than you and me, but I think you could be perfect for her." She pauses and lets me think that over.

"I know Mom, but you just missed it. She thinks I'm making fun of her or something. I don't understand why or what I can do to prove to her that I really like her and want to get to know her."

I continue to watch the road, instead of trying to gage my mom's reaction. I'm afraid to know what she really thinks. I'm afraid that she'll tell me what I already know, that I blew my chances with Bella.

I cave and chance a glance over at her and see her elbow propped up on the door with her head resting against it, she's shaking her head and I don't know if that's a good head shake or a bad one. I'm gonna go with bad though, judging by her silence.

I focus back on the road and continue our drive in silence, until she finally decides to voice her opinion. "Listen honey, why don't you just call her when we get home. Try to apologize once more and if she doesn't want to talk, then you do. You just start talking about yourself and what you like to do. Let her get to know you and I promise you, she'll eventually let you in."

She grabs my cheek and gives it a squeeze. "Just give her some time, Son. Just give her some time." She drops her hand and resumes her post against the passenger door.

We get home and head straight to the kitchen and Mom stops me right in my tracks. "Uh uh uh, kiddo, you've got a phone call to make and I have some chicken and dumplins' to make. Now shoo, shoo, out of my kitchen." She's practically pushing me out of the kitchen and I go with an extreme reluctance.

I know she's right. I know I need to try and fix the situation, especially before school tomorrow. I mean, I'm sure people saw us chatting outside, we weren't exactly quiet and our church is the see and be seen church of Brilliant. We'll be the talk of the school tomorrow, I'm sure and I need to prepare her and myself for all of that. So, yes, I had an excuse to call her now.

I made my way to my room and sit on my bed, biting my finger nails, trying to dispel this nervous energy. I pick up my phone and realize I don't have her phone number. Shit! Okay, maybe I can get Garrett to get it for me from Kate, but then that'll just raise questions that I'm not ready to answer. But, damnit, I really need to talk to her and try to smooth things over.

I give up and think maybe they have a land line and I can just call her on that and avoid all of the go betweens. I slide over to my computer and type in Charles Swan and bingo, thank you Google.

I sit back on my bed sliding up to the headboard, before starting to dial her number. My hands are sweaty and my fingers keep sliding and misdialing. I need to calm down, or this conversation is going to go as well as the two attempts at church. I still feel like a giant dickwad for that too.

I take a few deep breaths and try to dial again, this time the ringing on the other end lets me know I'm successful and now I want to throw up. I think I should've planned what I want to say. It just keeps ringing and ringing and with each one my nerves grow more and more and so does my nausea.

I'm just about to hang up when I hear her sweet, but annoyed voice on the other end. She sounds like a pissed off angel.

She pauses and that's my cue to speak up and I'm holding back the vomit as I say hello in return. "Hi um—Bella. This is Edward, Edward Cullen." Shit, of course it's Edward Cullen, what other teenager our age has the name Edward. Thanks so much Mom and Dad for the old man name there. I feel like a complete tool and all we've done is utter hellos.

"Edward? Look, I thought I told you to leave me alone. I don't know what kind of shit you, Alice and the Whoreleaders are up to, but please leave me the hell out of it. I don't need any drama, alright?" She sounds so completely sad and I just want to find the right words to soothe her, to let her know that I would never do anything to hurt her.

"Whoreleaders? Ha ha! That's awesome. I love that. And Alice? Trust me; I try to stay as far away from her and her slutty crones as possible." I hear her let out a small giggle and I do a fist pump. I'm really thankful she can't see me do that, but I just had a small victory with her and I want more giggles and to keep her talking. But what to say now?

I don't have to worry about it, because she takes over. "I don't know why I should believe you Edward. I mean you're a football player, she's a cheerleader. And like I said earlier, we've gone to school together our whole lives and you've never said much more to me besides pleasantries." She takes a deep breath and I'm just shaking my head, wanting to cut in and tell her I'm sorry for not ever truly speaking to her, for not getting to know her before now, before our senior year.

She chimes back in before I can though. "What I really want to know Edward is why now? What's changed?" And the truth is I don't know. I just know that it has, but how do I say that to her without sounding like a complete ass?

"The truth?" I don't know how I'm going to respond. I hold the phone between my ear and shoulder and wipe my sweaty hands on my pants and wait for her response.

"Yes, I want the truth and don't feed me any bullshit lines Edward. I'm not buying them, alright?" She's right and plus, I don't know any lines. I'm not exactly a ladies man.

"Okay, here it is Bella. I don't know what's changed. I just saw you at the game and away from the classroom. You were standing under the stadium lights and you just had this beautiful, peaceful look on your face and all I could think was-" Man, could I really say this to her? I've never told a girl I thought she was beautiful before or that I liked her. I know I have to be careful though, and start out slow. I can't scare her off again.

I'm silent for too long and she chimes in, "all you could think was what, Edward?" She didn't sound angry exactly, but she still sounded cautious. Could she be as nervous as I am? Shit? Why am I even asking myself that? I'm sure she is. I'm sure this is just as new to her as it is to me. I mean I've never seen her really talk to anyone longer than five minutes aside from Kate. I had to be the man here, the leader of this conversation.

I lay my head back against the headboard, close my eyes and just let the truth come out. "All I could think was, my gosh she's gorgeous and why have I never noticed her, really noticed her before. At that moment Bella, I just knew that I wanted, no needed to get to know you better." I'm silent for a moment, thinking I've said too much too soon and I probably have.

"Wow, okay, that's some admission. A little cheesy too, I might add. It still doesn't make sense Edward and how do I really know that this isn't some grand, screw Bella over even more scheme, that Alice has planned? I don't know anything about you at all, aside from the small town rumors and the basics."

She's right of course. I don't know how I'm going to convince her otherwise and maybe I should just give up and cut my loses. I mean, I'm gonna be leaving in a few months. I really don't have time to focus on a girl or anything else aside from football and school right now. I don't need anyone interfering with my plans. As I'm thinking this though, my heart is doing this weird clinchy pain thing. What the fuck?

Before I know what I'm doing, my mouth is moving. "So, every Friday night I have this ritual that I do. I go into the locker room and a say a special prayer for everyone's safety. Then I put on my gear and head out to the field. The first thing I do when I get there is look for my mom." I have no idea what I'm saying or why I'm telling her this. I guess I'm just following my mom's advice and telling her about myself. Showing her who I am and trying to gain her trust. So, I continue filling her in on my Friday night routine and explaining the special bond that I have with my mother.

The whole time, she's silent. The only way I know she's still there is when I hear a sniffle on the other end, after I told her about my Friday night dinners. I just pray it's a good cry and not a bad one. I know I shouldn't ask. I know I should continue talking, but I ask anyway. "Bella, I'm sorry are you okay? Did I say something wrong?"

I hear a few more sniffles before she speaks, "No, Edward, you didn't say anything wrong. Thank you for sharing that with me. I've got to be honest though, I'm still leery of you and what your intentions are. I'm sorry, I just am."

I nod my head, even though I know she can't see. I understand why she's scared and unsure. I'm not giving up though and I will wear her down. Even if I get nothing more out of this than a new friendship, I know it'll be the best friend I've ever had. I just know it.

"Look Edward, I gotta go. I'm sorry, I just need to go. Thanks for calling." I can hear the tears in her voice. I can tell that she's holding back a giant sob and my heart hurts, physically freaking hurts for her. I want to keep her on the phone, but I know she needs time to process this. I've stirred something up inside of her and I hate myself for it, hate myself for making her cry.

She's always got this tough girl exterior and tries her best to keep others away, now I'm seeing or hearing rather, a different side of her and I honestly wish I was there with her, holding her and wiping away those tears. For now though, I have to respect her wishes and let her go, let her run from me and my words.

"Alright Bella, I'm sorry that I've upset you. I just hope that you believe me now, that I don't want to hurt you. I just want to get to know you." I should shut up now, but I don't, "I only told you that little bit about me, so you could know me. The real me, not the stupid quarterback of the football team that everyone else thinks they know me for."

I keep on, even though I still here her sniffling a little. "I want you to know the real me, because I hope someday you'll let me get to know the real you. That's all I want Bella. Please if you get anything out of this conversation, just understand that, and get that, please." I know I said please twice and sound like a beggar, but I just really want her to let me in and see me for a good guy. I'll never be her villain, never.

I can hear her trying to sober up enough to speak. "Okay Edward, thank you for calling and apologizing. I'll see you tomorrow at school." I hear the dial tone after that and I'm instantly sad; sad that this conversation had to end, sad that she doesn't fully believe me and above all sad that I upset her somehow.

I click end on the phone, let out a loud groan and pound the back of my head on the headboard. That didn't go as well as I hoped, but she didn't hang up on me either and she let me explain. That's something at least.

I get up and walk into the kitchen, thinking if I help my Mom and talk to her about it; it'll make me feel better. It certainly can't hurt and maybe she can help me come up with a plan to talk to her tomorrow at school, because I forgot to ask her what we should say to everyone tomorrow if they ask why I was talking to her.

I guess we'll tell them we were just talking about school work. I don't want to lie, but I don't know what she wants people to know or think. She's a very private person. _Shit, should I call her back and ask her what she wants or will she think I'm embarrassed of her?_ This sucks and I don't know what the right thing is to do here.

Only one person can help, so I get up and head to talk to my go to girl. She's helped me so far, I'm sure she can help me with this too.

**A/N: Thanks so much for reading guys! You are all the best readers ever. I mean it too. **

**Happy New Year!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to the brilliant Stephenie Meyer.**

**Please know that I appreciate your alerts, faves, and reviews so much. **

**Back to School**

**Chapter 9**

The phone conversation with Edward leaves me in a blubbering fetal position on the soft satin and cotton of my comforter and sheets. I'm thankful that my dad isn't one to just come up to my room and bug the shit out of me. He knows that my room is my personal space, my one place in this house that is private and just mine.

I manage to get up and see the little bit of mascara that I carefully placed on my eyelashes this morning is now thinking its Halloween and I'm the black-eyed raccoon. I walk to the bathroom and get a damp washcloth and scrub my face clean, leaving it bright red, the same red as a certain someone's blush earlier this morning.

I tug at my now loose hair that is framing my face , a face full of frustration or annoyance or maybe despair. Hell a perfect mixture of the three is more accurate. I guess my neat ponytail got damaged in my pity party for one. I give myself another look in the mirror and absolutely hate what I see, no not the fact that I now look like a lion with a crazy messed up mane, it's more along the lines of the pale skin, and sunken eyes.

I'm seventeen years old, I shouldn't need concealer, but yet I should be wearing it all the same. I need to hide the sadness from others. If I can do that, if I can paint my face into a happy one, maybe people will stop looking at me like they just killed my kitten.

I just want to claw at my face or maybe break my mirror. I'm not sure why I feel so angry, so destructive right now. I'm not a violent person, but something that Edward said, just made me feel this way. I know what he was trying to do, but all it really did is just make me feel worse; made me more angry and jealous of all that he shares with his mother.

One good thing came from it though; I don't think he's playing games with me any longer. He was very sweet and that pisses me off too. I don't do sweet. I don't know how to handle that sort of attention from a guy. One thing I do know, I'm not looking forward to school tomorrow. I don't know how he'll act or what we'll say to each other, if anything. Will he ignore me, be embarrassed of me, or make a fool of me? Gah! Why in the hell do I care what he thinks? This is just absurd anyway.

I look at myself once more and give a determined nod. I'm not going to let him have an effect on me and I'm going to just go into that school like it's just another day. My head won't be held high, as it never is, but I'm not going to worry about Edward Cullen or anyone else for that matter. I never do, so why should one phone call from him change anything. It doesn't. With that thought, I clean my face again before heading downstairs to start supper for Dad.

All I feel like doing, is sticking a frozen pizza in the oven, but it's Sunday and I know Daddy likes it when I make my fried chicken and mashed potatoes and gravy for Sunday dinner. He doesn't ask for much, so it's the least I can do for him, cook him a hot meal every once in a while.

I grab the flour, salt and pepper and prepare the grease in the pan. A few moments later, a loud throat clearing startles me. I drop a piece of floured chicken on the floor and try not to let out a curse word.

I clutch my heart, because it's just my dad. Who else would it have been? Then I pick up the chicken and discard it before answering. "Hey Daddy, I'm making your favorite." I try to act as if he didn't just scare me. I'm normally not so jumping, but I'm awfully lost in my thoughts of this crazy day.

He comes in and sits down on the bar stool. I can tell he wants to say something, but is scared of my reaction. "Hey baby girl, it smells good." He's silent after that and it's awkward now. I wish he would just say what he's going to say and get it over with.

I wash my hands and dry them, as the grease isn't hot enough yet to drop the floured chicken in the pan yet. I need to know what's on his mind. We're not super chatty people, but we still talk about important things in our lives. "So, you gonna tell me why you really came in here? You're normally too zoned into your books to come and check on me while I cook." It's the truth and he knows it.

He just chuckles and holds his hands up, his mustache rising with his smile. "You got me baby girl, you got me. I guess I was just wondering if and when you were going to tell me what Edward Cullen wanted at church earlier and judging by the caller id, it seems he called here as well." Oh he is loving this too much, well maybe not because although he's smiling, I can see him slightly cringe at the thought of a boy calling me.

"Relax old man, he didn't really want anything. He called to apologize because I thought he was making fun of me earlier. He says he just wants to be friends." I let the last part out in a frustrated sigh.

Dad doesn't miss a beat, he wrings his hands together and I turn back around to grab the potatoes to start washing them. "So, first, why do you think he was making fun of you? Second, and most importantly, do you want to be his friend?" He sounds nervous. I guess he never thought we'd have to have the boy conversation.

I keep my back to him, trying to really think about how I want to answer that. One thing is for sure, these potatoes will be the cleanest around for as long as I've been stalling and washing them. "Gah! Dad, I really don't know what I want from him. I mean I think between you and Kate, I have enough close people in my life. Don't you?" I'm not sure why his answer matters to me, but it does.

I hear him kicking his feet, as it hits the wooden partition in front of him, just like a nervous little boy would do. "Bella, I don't know what to tell you here. All I can say is it's okay to let someone else in you know. I know that Kate and I are pretty damn great people." He chuckles and I giggle too. "But, baby, maybe it wouldn't hurt to have one more person in your corner. You know, a guy your own age to talk to." I turn around and give him the raised eyebrow look, before I find the peeler and start peeling the potatoes.

"I mean I know your old man is a pretty cool dude, but still Edward seems nice enough." It's my turn to hold my hands up at him, begging him to stop this conversation. "Listen Dad, please do me a favor and never use the words cool dude again. Saying that makes you anything but a cool dude." I laugh, but before I can turn around, he's throwing the dish towel at me and laughing right along with me. We sober up quickly though and I know he's about to get serious on me again.

"Look honey, all I'm saying is, it's your decision, but maybe it's time to open up to someone besides Kate and me. That's all." I have tears in my eyes and I quickly turn away so he can't see them. I hear him huff behind me and get up off the stool. "Alright, I'll leave you alone and let you get back to cooking. Just think about it baby. Oh and one more thing." I don't know why I turn around, but I do. He steps a little closer to me as well. "I love you baby girl, never forget that." I can't hold back any longer and I rush to him and give him a giant hug. He gives me a gentle, but awkward hug and a pat on the back before releasing me and letting me resume my cooking duties.

As he's walking away, I quietly say, "Thanks Daddy. I love you too." He doesn't acknowledge me, just keeps walking towards the living room. Now, I'm once again in a big confused mess of what to do and how to act around Edward tomorrow. Maybe I should just let him take the lead.

-FNL-

When I wake up the next morning, I'm still exhausted and wanting to stay right there in my nice warm bed. Why do I have to go to school again? Getting my GED sounds better and better by the second. It's not as if I'm going to college anyway.

Dad must know I'm reluctant and about to feign a sickness, because he's knocking on my bedroom door, which he never does. "Bella, honey, I know what you're trying to do and it's not going to work. Come on now baby, get up and face the day. This is not like you, to want to hide away in your room all day." He's right; of course, I'm being a chicken shit about it.

I roll out of bed and push the warmth and comfort away from my body. "I'm up. I'm up. You happy now?" I walk to the door and open it up to prove it, giving him my best fake cheesy grin as I do.

He stands there staring at me and even rolls his eyes. "Oh Bella keep up that enthusiasm and you can be Alice's new sidekick." Oh no he did not just say that. I make like I'm gonna kick him and he starts running down the stairs laughing as he goes. He can act like such a juvenile little boy sometimes, but I'm thankful that he knows just what to say to get me to laugh and lighten up the situation.

I close the door with a true grin on my face and start to get ready for my day. Ready or not, here I come.

Once I pull into the school, the nerves kick back in. I mean I know people saw us talking at church yesterday and I'm sure the rumors are flying. Oh gah! I bet Alice is gonna have a field day at my expense with this one, jealous little harpy.

I flip down my mirror, thinking that I need to give myself one last look over, before flipping it back up and deciding I don't give a shit. I climb out of my big old truck and head to the door. I barely make it two feet before Edward is making his way to me once again. _Oh hell, he's gonna make a scene here at school too?_

His footsteps are loud against the asphalt and I'm internally cringing with each step closer he gets. "Bella! Bella, wait up." I think if I act like I don't hear him and keep walking towards the front door, he'll give up and leave me alone. No such luck.

"Bella, I know you can hear me. Please stop for a minute." This guy is kind of infuriating, he's like an annoying little puppy. He's kind of adorable, but it's ruined by all of that yapping he does.

I turn around with a loud huff. "What?" I try my best to keep my voice down, so as not to draw even more attention to us.

I guess Edward doesn't care. "Nothing, I just wanted to say hi." He's right up next to me now. I guess he's not going to give up. Yep, annoying little pup is what he is. Damn his smile is cute though.

I give him an incredulous look, because I sure as hell don't believe that all he wants is to say hi. "Seriously Edward, what do you need? Just cut the shit okay." I know I'm sounding like a bitch, but I don't like attention and he's currently garnering us plenty.

He flashes those green eyes my way again and for a second I forget where we are and who all is watching. "You're right Bella. I just, um-"Cue his damn blush again.

I cut him off before he can continue. "You know, Edward, for someone so intelligent, you sure do stutter and stammer a lot." Yep, I'm a certifiable bitch alright.

It doesn't stop him from turning beet red and that perma grin is still in place as well. "I'm sorry. The truth is you make me a little nervous." I make him nervous? How in the hell can I make anyone nervous?

He shifts from foot to foot as if reading my thoughts and further showing his nervous energy. I'm just standing there with my backpack slung over my shoulder, hoping that he will finish this soon, so I won't be late to class.

"Okay, what I really meant to say is that I know we didn't talk about how we were going to handle everyone that saw us talking at church. I mean, I'm not embarrassed by it, but I just don't know what you want to tell people. I'm cool with the truth. The truth that I like you and just wanted to talk to you and get to know you. You know, be your friend. We can tell people that if you want." Holy shit! Did he even breathe trying to get that mouthful out? He just sounded like a freaking auctioneer. Yeah, he's right; I guess I do make him nervous.

I place my hand on his shoulder, before I can think better of it, in an effort to calm him down. "Listen Edward, chill out for a second. It's really not a big deal. I don't give two shits what these people think or saw yesterday. Let them think what they want alright." I'm not sure where my bravado is coming from, but I realize that I really mean what I just said. I don't know that I'm ready to be his friend yet, but who cares if people saw us talking.

He takes my hand in his giving it a squeeze and giving me another smile that reaches all the way up past his eyes onto his crinkled forehead. It's with that smile and that touch of the hand that I know that I need to find Kate and talk this shit out with her.

"Thanks Bella. Sorry about freaking out on you there for a second. So, I'll see you in English later?" I guess I forgot for a second that we were at school and that we actually have a class together.

This means I'll see him again before I have a chance to fill Kate in on everything. I should've called her last night. In fact, I'm wondering why she didn't call me with a thousand questions after church. Hmm. She must really be preoccupied with Garrett. Oh well, I'm happy for her.

I realize that he's still standing there, holding my hand, waiting for me to respond. I pull my hand away quickly, really not caring if I hurt his feelings. I just want to get away from him for a second. I feel weird and a little flush even.

"Um, yeah, sorry about that Edward. Yes, I'll see you in English." I don't give him a chance to say anymore, I dart off to my locker to get my books for my first class of the day. As I'm doing so though, I feel eyes all over me and hear whispers as I walk by.

My name hasn't been on these people's lips in a long time and to be honest, I didn't like it then and I really hate it now. You'd never know that we're adults or nearly adults, by the way everyone acts around her. Oh well, you learn by example and their parents are worse gossip mongers than they are. It's no wonder they are chatting me up and tossing around rumors left and right.

I'm sure by the end of the day the story will be that I'm pregnant with Edward's baby or better yet, I've been screwing around with Edward's dad and he just found out about it and he's pissed. I laugh at that thought and slam my locker door, keeping my head down with each step closer I take to my first period class.

I've gotten good at avoiding over the years, avoiding eye contact, avoiding rumors, avoiding people in general. I just have to keep it up for a few more months and these people will be gone and hopefully out of my life for good. So, why does that thought all of a sudden sadden me when I factor Edward into that group as well?

Shit! I need to find Kate pronto. Maybe I can catch after this class. I'm in over my head here, that's for damn sure. Stupid Edward Cullen messing with my head.

**A/N: So she might be warming up a little bit. One thing's for sure, this isn't going to be a wam bam, they are together and in love right from the start kind of fic. I like a slow burn.**

**Oh and I promise, this will have more football in it. Much more. I mean we've only gotten the first game of the season under our belt. **

**Sorry for the long A/N just wanted to clear some things up.**

**Thanks so much for reading guys! **


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to the brilliant Stephenie Meyer.**

**Please know that I appreciate your alerts, faves, and reviews so much. **

**Chipping Away**

**Chapter 10**

I couldn't stop the smile on my face. She let me hold her hand, well at least for a second anyway, but it happened. I know I'm slowly but surely chipping away at her armor. But, why am I acting like a girl over this. _Did I really just get excited about holding a girls hand?_ _What am I, five?_ I'm so inexperienced here and don't know how to move forward.

She's on my mind all morning though and I couldn't care less about our upcoming history assignment. I'm just thinking about the next time I see Bella and what I want to say next to take another chip away. It's dangerous how much I'm thinking about her. I have to focus on my classes and my grades in order to stick with my plan of getting as far away from here as possible. This immediately makes me wonder what Bella's plans are after we graduate. Hell yeah, that's one more thing I can talk to her about.

I irritatingly tap my pencil against the desk as I stare blankly ahead as Mrs. Smith drones on and on about the history of the world. I'm that far gone that I don't even know what we are talking about exactly. It isn't until Alice, jabs me in the side with her disgusting chewed up pink pen, that I realize I sound like the little drummer boy. Yeah, I can see how that is distracting, but then again, so is Alice and not in a good way. She's glaring and also trying to flutter her too made up lashes at me. I ignore her and turn my head back towards the front of the room.

I look at the clock above the teacher's head to see what time it is. Thank goodness, only five more minutes of this stuff. I'm ready for lunch and not because I'm a growing boy and need my protein. I'm dying to see Bella again. I know I'll have to reel it in a bit, because the guys will be giving me shit about not focusing. I'll focus when I get on that field though, I always do.

Five minutes later the bell finally rings and I dart out of my seat, slinging my backpack over my shoulder in the process. I feel what can only be Alice's nails on my arm, scratching me as I try to hurry out. I turn around giving her a, what the fuck, look before turning back around and rushing out of the room. I'm slightly pissed now. I mean when will she get a damn clue that I'm not interested in her?

I think it's time to have a talk with Jasper and find out what in the hell is really going on with him and Alice. That shits not right. A woman is not a possession, no, but still shouldn't you have a little respect for your partner and not constantly screw around behind their back? Yeah, Alice didn't get that memo and I wonder why Jasper puts up with that shit.

I quickly dispel thoughts of Alice and Jasper when I see her, the newfound object of my obsession. That's what she is too, my obsession, because since Friday night I haven't been able to get her out of my thoughts. She looks adorable today in her understated way. She's wearing a simple green plaid shirt and jeans, and that same black leather jacket that gives her that tough girl exterior of hers.

I'm beginning to think that the jacket shields more than just the chill in the air; it's her way of keeping others away too. She wants people to think she's a badass chick that you should steer clear of, but I'm not everyone else. It's not going to keep me away.

I stand there in the middle of the hallway a beat too long and she looks up to catch me staring at her. Damn it to hell, I turn bright red again. She unnerves me completely. I should turn my head away and place my things in my locker, but I just can't. And wait a damn minute; did she just give me a half smile? I'll take that. I want to go up and talk to her, but like a skittish kitten, she turns away from me and towards the cafeteria, before I get the chance. Oh well, I'm not giving up on talking to her again today, but for now, that small smile, will be my small victory.

I walk to my locker and quickly toss my bag in and head to the cafeteria to join the guys at our table. It's a loud cacophony of gossip and laughter, due to being pent of for hours in the classroom. When walking to my table, I hear lots of murmurs of Edward and Bella being tossed around.

Oh yes, the rumor mill is in full force today after our chats at church and this morning in the parking lot. There's no telling what all they are saying about us now and how much it has grown into the absurd at this point. I don't really give two shits what other people think they know about Bella and me. The only thing I do care about is if all of this gossip is hurting Bella in some way. I would never want that, but something tells me she's not one to care what others think. Well, actually she told me so this morning.

I scan the room, while waiting in line for my tray and spot her sitting at her usual table with Kate and a few others. I can't believe I've known her basically my whole life, gone to school with her since kindergarten and I've not really paid much attention to her and those around her. I keep my eyes on her table and feel a bubble of hot rage course through my body when I see him, with his long black greasy hair and glasses that are too big for his scrawny face and frame. Freaking Jacob Black is sitting right beside her, eyes filled with lust, watching her every single move and it pisses me off.

Why does he get to sit next to her? She doesn't even seem fazed by his closeness, which means she's completely comfortable with him. I'm not sure why all of a sudden I feel threatened by the likes of Jacob. I mean he's not any competition in the looks department, but the fact that he's sitting beside her and now that I think about it, has been sitting beside her like that for years now, burns me up with jealousy.

I want to know her the way he does. I want her to be at ease around me the way she is with him. And then a thought hits me, _what if she's dating him?_ I mean I've never paid much attention before and maybe that's why she keeps shutting me out. I'm not conceited or a huge dick about my status in school, but I know I'm not horribly unattractive either and obviously I'm more attractive than that tool. Maybe they're just friends.

My creepy stalker stare is so strong, that I freaking jump when I feel Jasper shove into me to get me to move up in line.

"You alright there Cullen? What's got you staring so hard over there?" He looks toward Kate and Bella's table and continues, "or should I say, who are you staring at so hard?" I try to turn my head and face him, shaking my head in the process.

"She's pretty, has a nice set of tits too, but you know, Alice would be pissed if she ever heard me say that." Suddenly I'm no longer angry at Jake. I am however, about to kill Jasper for looking at and talking about my girl in such away. I have to be careful though, because if I act like his words affect me, he'll jump all over this and make it a bigger deal than it is.

Jasper's still staring at her and I'm tryihg my hardest to look everywhere but their table.

"Sorry man, I don't know who you're talking about. I was just lost in a daze, thinking about the game this Friday. It's never too early to get focused and prepared." I hope he buys it and lets it go.

For some reason I feel the need to protect Bella from people like Jasper and the other guys on the team. They might taint her somehow and I can't have that. Besides, she's mine; she just doesn't know it yet.

We both grab our tray and start putting various lumps of greens and browns on our plate. I should've packed some leftovers, this shit is disgusting. Jasper follows behind me with an equal look of disgust on his face and I'm thankful that he's now on to something else and not my over attention to Bella and her assets. Although he was right about that, she does have a nice set, but I see more than that from her and I want more than a physical relationship with her.

I grab my fork and am about to head to our table, when I hear Jasper commenting on our food again. "How in the hell do they expect us to eat this shit? We're growing boys. We can't win them titles and championships if they feed us this crusty and lumpy shit." We both laugh and make our way to our table.

When we sit down I notice someone is missing from our group of jocks and I have a feeling I know where he is too. I try to nonchalantly look around for him and bingo, sitting across from my Bella, is none other than Garrett. Lucky fucker gets to sit at their table. All in due time Cullen, all in due time.

I turn back around and grab my milk, giving the cartoon a good shake before opening it and taking a gulp. I almost choke when I hear laughter that rivals that of an angelic choir. Okay, maybe not so much, but still, it makes me take a pause and turn to look and see where it's coming from. Of course it's coming from Bella. _I guess Jakey is so funny._ Well good for him.

Then I see that Garrett is laughing as well, fucking traitor. I turn my head back around, before the guys can give me any shit over it and notice that a girl has finally caught my attention. I know Mike would be all over her if he knew that I was interested in her. He's just like that, wants what everyone else has and all. He's the male version of Alice and I have to wonder why they aren't together. Jasper's a nice guy and they just don't make any sense together. She obviously has something over him.

The guys are cutting up and acting out as usual and I join in here and there, but the jealousy that Jacob has brought about, never falters and I can't wait to get on that football field and work this new aggression out. I also need to talk to my mom and see what she thinks about all of this. She's giving me great advice so far, so why stray from her now.

The bell rings, the day wears on and before I know it, it's time for football practice. Freaking finally! I suit up in our practice gear and hit the field. We start with our typical stretches and move on to sprints, warming our bodies up, so we don't have any pre-game injuries. Each player is vital to this team and our winning season and we don't need some petty injury to happen because our bodies weren't properly prepared.

Along with the jealousy, I'm also carrying around a lot of frustration today as well. I never got the chance to talk to her again. We have a class together, sure, but the teacher decided to give a full on lecture for the whole period today, leaving no room for idle chatter. Bella also didn't get to class until right when the bell rang and left in a flash as well.

If I didn't know better, I'd think she was avoiding me. But why? Maybe she really is with Jacob and is feeling guilty for even talking to me. Maybe I should back off, but first I need to find out if it's true and I know just who to ask too. That's all going to have to wait, because it's time to work this shit out on the field and focus on my first true love, football.

**A/N: So, we have a jealous Edward. Hee Hee, Hee, this is gonna be fun. **

**Thanks so much for reading guys! **


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to the brilliant Stephenie Meyer.**

**I appreciate your alerts, faves, and reviews so much. You guys are the best ever!**

**Chapter 11**

I find Kate immediately after first period. I need to pick her boy minded brain for a moment. Edward just confused the hell out of me this morning and yesterday for that matter. As I'm walking down the hallway, I notice eyes all over me and whispers of my name, tangled with Edward's in a web hot juicy gossip, as I go on my now sluggish path, to find my best friend.

This is exactly what I didn't want for my high school experience. I've been the gossip of this town enough in my middle school years. I just want to keep to myself now and it looks like, thanks to Edward, I'm no longer going to be getting the silent treatment from my fellow classmates. Shit, this sucks!

When I finally see the familiar long blonde hair of my closest friend, I sigh in relief. I hope she'll know what I should do, as I'm sure she's heard numerous rumors by now. It being nearly second period and all, there's no way she couldn't have.

I approach her from behind and must've scared the shit out of her, because she nearly jumped out of her purple sweater. "Hey, sorry to scare you, but I need to talk to you. Now please." Yes, it was a desperate, please get me out of here and help me out with this plea, but I didn't care. That's what best friends were for, right?

She turns around, raising her eyebrow at me, as if to say, you need to spill.

She's right, I do and I want to, right now. "Well, hello to you too best friend. Seems I've missed out on Forks most popular couple somehow. Mind filling me in on what's going on with you and our famous quarterback?"

Why did everything have to be about football in this town?

Couldn't he just be Edward, not Edward, Brilliant's fantastic quarterback?

I give her a look of my own, begging her not to start this shit with me. She knows me better than this, better than the overly exaggerated stories she's heard by now.

"Come on now Kate, you know it's not like that. I need you right now. Can you follow me to our place?" She knows exactly where I'm talking about.

It's the place we go whenever we have something big to share or need to talk in private or even to just get away from the annoying voices of this school.

She grabs my arm and starts pulling me behind her. I'm so glad, that nothing further needs to be said. She knows I wouldn't suggest our place unless it was important.

She doesn't turn around, just continues to talk to me over her shoulder. "Ah Shit B! Something really is going on, isn't it?" I didn't know how to answer that, which is why I need her help.

She looks at me over her shoulder, while still hauling me to our spot. "Um, I don't know. That's why I need to talk to you. I don't know what's going on here, really." I'm a rambling mess, by the time we finally make it to our secret spot behind the gym.

She finally stops tugging me forward and turns to face me, giving me a look of pity or maybe concern, in the process. "Okay, okay, start from the beginning. What happened at church yesterday? I mean, you know we all saw you guys talking." Of course I know that, and if I didn't know then, I would by now from all of the not so silent whispers going on around me.

I suddenly find my electric blue chipped nail polish very interesting, as I pick it and think of how to answer her question. "Well, it actually started before church." Kate looks at me with big wide eyes, waiting for me to continue.

"I uh—I ran into him at the sporting goods store on Saturday and he helped me find something for Charlie and then carried it out to my truck for me. He was all blushing and awkward and it made me feel awkward and flushed in return." I look up from my attack on my nail bed, to see Kate grinning at me. What the hell?

"Save that grin Kate, I'm not finished." She has the decency to remove it from her face as I continue to tell her all about what happened at church, both conversations, and how I thought he was making fun of me. I tell her how I think it's possible that he's in cahoots with Alice and her crew.

She sneers at the mention of Alice and I can't help but smile. "Listen B, I really don't think he would even associate with the likes of Alice and the other Whoreleaders. He's just not like that or into sluts for that matter. From what Garrett tells me and what I've witnessed from him all of these years, he actually seems like a really great guy." I look away from her again as she's telling me this.

For some reason, her effort of reassurance is doing the opposite. I don't feel reassured, I feel nervous and prickly now and I don't know what that means.

I suck it up and look at her as I finally admit to the both of us that maybe she's right. "Yeah, I think I'm starting to see that now. I'm not sold on the idea of a friendship or anything with Edward yet, but I don't think he's out to get me like I did." Kate looks at me curiously now. She knows there's more and I might as well spill it all now.

"Well, he called me after church yesterday. I thought it was you actually. Thanks by the way for not calling and checking on me after the church incident." She knows I'm teasing her. I couldn't resist throwing that in there for humors sake.

"Yeah, sorry about that," she giggles. That giggle said it all too, she was a smitten kitten over Garrett.

I laugh right along with her. "No, you're not, so don't even lie girl." We continue laughing for a minute and it's nice to break the tension that this morning has already brought.

"Anyway, so he called and apologized for his behavior at church and tried to convince me that he wasn't playing games with me and would never do anything like that. I'm not saying I totally believe him." Kate gives me a stern look and I look back down at my nails once again, the polish is now demolished from my nervous picking.

"What? I'm not saying that I think he's out to hurt me, but you have to admit that it's a little odd, that we've known each other our whole lives and now, senior year, he wants to get to know me." I have her there and I know it.

She leans up against the gym's brick wall and thinks over what to say for a moment. "Yeah, but I guess the same could be said for Garrett and me. I mean we've never really talked much before, but for some reason, something just changed this year. It made us see each other in a different light I guess." That makes since I guess, but I still can't help but be leery.

We stand there and talk for a few minutes longer, knowing that we're already late for class, so it doesn't really matter at this point. It's our senior year and they are just ready to get us out of here, which means, seniors don't get in trouble for being tardy. It's sad, but true.

I tell her a little more about what happened this morning when I got to school. How he hollered at me once again as soon as I stepped out of my truck. I also confess to the flutters and regret it once I do. I don't know why either.

Kate's my best friend and I trust her with my life, but this is out of my comfort zone and so foreign to me. It's like by me admitting that, I'm admitting to a lot more and allowing feelings that I didn't know were possible to surface. It honestly it scares the shit out of me and I don't have time to feel this way.

She doesn't dwell on it, but I can tell by her smile that she's got ideas running through her head. I'm just thankful she doesn't voice them. We turn the conversation over to her and Garrett for a moment and just as I expected she's all in like with him, deep heavy like and a little lust too.

A few minutes later, we decide we really do need to get to class and we take our time getting there. I'm in no rush to sit through another boring class, although I do have plenty to think about today, so maybe it'll go by quickly.

It thankfully does and so does the next one, before I know it, it's time for lunch. I admit that I'm nervous, because I know I'll see Edward in here and I haven't seen him since before school this morning. I didn't even see him in the halls between classes, which makes me wonder if he's avoiding me. I talk myself out of that thought as soon as it enters. I mean, why do I care anyway? I don't.

I find Kate already holding our place in line and see Jacob and Garrett standing with her. Jacob looks awkward and out of place next to the two of them. I can tell he's uncomfortable, so I waste no time going over there and chatting him up as they are lost in their googly eye fest. If I didn't love Kate so much, I'd be giving her a hard time about it, but it's nice to see her so happy with someone.

I stand with my hand on my hip, talking to Jacob. He's adorable in that little brother kind of way. He's a year younger than me and has the cutest little black rimmed glasses. I often feel the need to stick up for him against the bullies. He's smaller than most guys and he's extremely insecure about it. I'll never let anyone say a cruel word about him in my presence or out of it for that matter.

We grab our food and once we're sitting in our basically assigned seats, Jacob continues telling me all about this chemistry project he's been working on in class, but I get sidetracked by eyes so crisp, they could only be described as Spring Green. However, they don't look cheerful when they are looking my way right now.

Jacob and I are laughing about how much trouble Mike's been having mixing the chemicals in class. He's making me laugh so hard when he tells me how, just this morning, Mike made some sort of concoction, that when the teacher came over to help him out, it somehow caught her hair on fire and made her curse out loud in class. This got Kate and Garrett laughing too, so when my eyes land on his and I see that look from him, one that's slightly pissy, I sober up quickly and turn my back to him and focus back on Jacob.

What began as a fun lunch is now ending with me feeling unsure about myself and aggravated that I'm letting someone make me feel this way. Why is he mad at me and giving me the stink eye? I didn't do anything. I just sat there and laughed with my friends at lunch. Didn't he do the same with his? Ugh! Boys are so stupid and confusing.

I'm late for my next class, which just so happens to be the class I share with Edward. I had to talk to Kate first and explain what just happened. She reassures me that it was probably nothing and he might not have even been looking at It could've been someone behind me. I don't really believe her, but accept it anyway. I make it to class right as the tardy bell is ringing and take my seat immediately.

All through class, I'm dissecting every single interaction I've had with Edward since Friday night. I'm also trying desperately not to look at him. When I finally do look up, I see that there are only two minutes until the bell rings. I start packing away my things, because I know one thing is for sure, I don't want to talk to Edward right now. My mind is a giant messy mud puddle. It seems it's been this way since our interaction on Saturday. I'm really frightened that he seems to have this much control over my thoughts already.

Now I just need to decide if I want to let him in. Thankfully the day is nearly over though and I'll have all night to talk it over with Kate. Hopefully, she's not sick of talking about him already. I know it gets annoying when all a girl wants to do is talk about the same guy and the same situation over and over again, but I've never done it before and by damn I need to tonight.

I find Kate after school and ask if she wants to come over so we can talk about boys. I never thought those words would leave my mouth and I hate that I'm turning into such a girl over this shit. Kate loves it though and lets out this girly squeal that I make her promise to never do again.

* * *

><p>Kate left earlier and really we talked more about her and Garrett and their weekend, then we did my current situation with Edward. It was fine though, she hasn't had the chance to gush much about him yet, so I happily listened as she told me every single detail of their new relationship so far. Yes, they are already boyfriend and girlfriend. They made it official right before he headed up to the football field for practice after school.<p>

She was on cloud nine and I let her spend hours talking to me about how sweet and perfect he is. Thankfully my dad wasn't here for her for it, because I don't' think he could handle this much girl talk.

Daddy's working the late shift tonight, but I fix him some dinner anyway. Nothing fancy, just some spaghetti, but it's better than a frozen pizza.

As I'm cleaning up the kitchen after putting my dad's food away, I can't wipe the smile off of my face. I'm absolutely thrilled for Kate and her happiness makes me giddy as well. I'm wiping down the stove top, which got messy while the meat was cooking, when the phone rings. I set the rag down and run to answer the phone.

"Hey Kate. Calling to tell me what a wonderful kisser Garrett is, again." I giggle into the phone again, because she really did tell me about ten times how amazing it was to kiss and be kissed by Garrett.

My giggle gets caught in my throat when a deep husky voice responds. "No, I was calling to tell you what a wonderful kisser I am. Wanna give it a try sometime?"

I drop the phone as I think, Oh my shit! I'm in trouble.

**A/N: Thought, you might want the rest of the conversation in EPOV… or is it even Edward on the phone? Lol.**

**Thanks so much for reading guys! Mwah!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to the brilliant Stephenie Meyer.**

**I appreciate your alerts, faves, and reviews so much. You guys are the best ever!**

**Practice, Phone Call and Progression**

**Chapter 12**

I'm mid sprint, almost to the fifty yard line, during my warm up, when he starts in on me. I've been waiting for this all day. I knew Newton would run his mouth at some point today and I'm just surprised that it's taken him this long.

"So Cullen, what's up with you and Swan? You hit that this weekend or something?" I give him a growl in return and continue my running. He doesn't relent though.

"No, you obviously didn't hit it or you wouldn't be this cranky. Hmm… is that the problem Cullen, did she say no to Mr. Big Bad Ass Quarterback?" I've never been a violent person, ever. When my dad left, I was angry, but not so much that I wanted to hit something or someone.

There's something about Newton though, and the sour words spewing from his mouth that make me want to punch the ever living shit out of him. I try to take my anger out on my run and push myself harder and faster. The sweat is now, literally dripping off of me and rolling down from my hairline and blurring my vision with a stinging pain of salt and water. The burning drives me further and I see that Newton is right beside me, pushing just as hard. I'm not sure why he's trying to compete with me as this is just the warm up. We aren't even scrimmaging yet. I can only imagine how intense that's going to be in a few moments if we're on opposing teams.

I barely beat him to the finish line and only a few moments later the coach is blowing the whistle for actual practice to begin. He divides us up into teams and I'm actually pumped that Mike's on the opposing one. This should be fun.

I rub my hands together in anticipation and put all of my gear and helmet back on. I run over to the sideline and guzzle down some water before taking my place on the field.

When I get in line, I notice Newton's right in front of me and I can't wait to take him down, even though I'm normally only on offense, I'll be making an exception today. He can talk shit all he wants to, but when he starts talking shit about my girl, that's when I have a problem.

It hits me then, what I just thought and how I just classified Bella. I'm not sure when I became so possessive over her, but I know my mother would disapprove of such thoughts. She doesn't belong to me and even if she were my girlfriend, I still wouldn't own her. I shake my head to rid these thoughts as I hear Newton running his mouth again and just like that, my new possessive side is back.

Newton leans down in front of me, face mask to face mask and continues to make snide comments. "So, if you aren't banging her, mind if I give her a go. I bet she'd be a real hellcat in the sack. I bet that sassy mouth of hers would be good at sucking things too, big hard things, like what I'm packing." I'm trying so fucking hard to ignore his taunts, but he just won't give up.

I know if I say something, it'll just encourage him more and while his taunts are one thing, it'd be a whole other thing if I gave into him. He might resort to making an actual move on her or saying these crass things to her face. While, Bella's not some poor little defenseless girl, I still don't want him running his mouth to her. She's a lady and _I_ want to treat her as such. I just need her to let me in and allow me to do so.

Practice continues and Newton perseveres in his perverseness. I finally snap and although I'm the quarterback, I don't give a shit and I tackle him. I give him just what he wanted though, because we both end up in a heap of shifting shoulder pads, our helmets somehow lost in the scuffle. I hear the coach blowing his whistle and yelling at us to get up, but I just continue.

The vulgarity over Bella and the vile things he wants to do to her keep pouring from his mouth along with the blood that I have beaten out of him. I laugh when I see him cringe before my next hit and that just causes him to say something that was the final straw for me.

"Better watch it Cullen, she'll be mine before the week is over, because you're too much of a pussy to make an actual move. It's cute, that little hand holding thing you tried to do this morning, but it'll be my name she's screaming Friday night after the game.

Somehow I believe his threats and not that he could bring her pleasure, because I've seen him in the locker room and heard the rumors of his lack of skills in the bedroom. I'm afraid that he'll force himself on Bella. He's just backwards enough to do something like that. It'll be over my dead body too, before I allow that to happen.

I have to pick up the pace with Bella, he's right about that, but I'll never, ever do the things to Bella in the way he's describing.

I keep hitting his face over and over and my hand should be throbbing, but my anger is making me numb all over it. I'm sure that won't be the case for long. I feel someone pulling me away and I want to hit them as well and then I hear Garrett's voice shouting at me to ease up and that he's not worth it.

I realize what a complete ass I've just made of myself and that I might've just gotten myself benched for this week's game. I certainly can't afford that. I have too many scouts out this year and I need to be at my best. How can I be at my best if I'm benched with a swollen hand?

I can't.

My mom is going to be pissed when she finds out and I hate that I've let her down like this. This is not the kind of man she's raised and I know that.

Full of disgust and self loathing, I don't even wait for the coach to dismiss me to the locker room, I head there instantly and gather my stuff and head to Sally. A shower will have to wait. I know as soon as I enter that door, my mom will be both worried and disappointed in my actions and it makes me sick at my stomach to know that I'm going to be the cause of it. She's had enough shit in her life and now I'm adding to it.

I place my black cowboy hat in its rightful place on my head, climb into Sally and blast my radio to some old school Collective Soul. It's fitting that the song is "Run," as it seems I certainly do have a long way to run, if I'm letting some stupid high school punk get to me like that. But, it's not okay for him to say those things about Bella or any other girl for that matter. I don't know why someone hasn't beaten the shit out of him before me. He's certainly done and said his fair share of douchy things.

Before I know it, I'm pulling up in the driveway and Mom meets me out on the front porch. The look of confusion and concern, marring her perfectly sweet face only make the knife twist deeper in my stomach as I know I'm going to have to tell her what just happened.

I climb out of my truck and she runs to me as soon as she sees my swollen face. I guess Newton got a few good hits in as well. It doesn't hurt anyway, at least not as much as the look that my mother is now giving me. This fucking sucks!

She's checking my wounds over, before she gives me a lecture. All I can do is stand there and let her. But, she ushers me inside, into the kitchen and pours me a glass of sweet tea first. She's always a caretaker, regardless of the situation or how she's feeling.

"So, kiddo, mind telling me why your right eye is swelling and you're home early from practice?" I refuse to bull shit her. She deserves my honesty.

That doesn't mean I can look her in the eye though. I take a seat at the table and watch the condensation on my cold glass. "Well, um—I kinda got in a fight with Mike Newton."

She huffs and takes a seat across from me. "Yeah I can see that, you wanna tell me what it is that he said or did that made you act so foolish?" _Yeah, no not really Mom, but I guess I will anyway._ I sigh and began rehashing this afternoon's festivities.

Just as I predicted, she's angry with me, well not angry, upset yes, wish I would've just ignored him, yeah that too. She shocks me though, when she also tells me she's proud of me for sticking up for Bella.

She then encourages me to maybe pick up my pace, just as I was pondering doing the same thing early. If only for the sake of keeping her safe from the likes of Newton and other boys that are not practiced in the art of being a southern gentleman.

Mom gives me a side hug, as she can tell I'm a little sore and then tells me to head up stairs and hit the shower. "I'm on it coach. Thanks for the pep talk." I can't resist teasing her, because at times she is like my coach, my life coach anyway.

I grab some clean clothes and hop into the shower, thinking of Bella and what I'm going to say to her when I call her. There is no doubt in my mind that I'm calling her tonight. I'm not fumbling and stuttering around anymore. I'm so afraid that Newton will get to her before I can and that she might be fooled by him somehow. I want to kick myself with that thought, because Bella seems so much smarter than to fall for the likes and lies of Mike. She's known him just as long as I have and I'm sure she's heard the same stories as the rest of the school has.

I quickly complete my shower routine, just ready to hear her voice once again. I can't believe I've got it this bad already over her. It's crazy really, but it is what it is and I'm just going with this feeling.

I dry off and throw on my trusty gray sweats and my blue Brilliant High Football T-shirt and head to my room. I grab my phone and sit on my bed, trying to rehearse what I'm going to say to her. Then I decide to just wing it and dial her number.

With each ring, I grow more and more nervous. I don't have a clue what I'm gonna say to her or how she's going to respond to my phone call. When she answers though, all coherent thought is blown out the window and suddenly I'm a horny high school boy.

It's her voice, it has to be and the word kiss coming out of her mouth. That's the only logical conclusion that I can come up with for the words that spew from my mouth seconds later. I'm not sure where I got the gumption to say that to her. I'm not an expert kisser, but I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't' mind practicing with Bella. I guess my subconscious took over and said the things my polite side wouldn't normally say. I know I should reel this or make a joke out of it, but it's out there now.

She knows that I want to kiss her and I don't want to take the words back. So, I just sit and wait for her reaction. The longer I wait, the more I think that I should take it back. Tell her I was just teasing her and then change the subject.

I hear her curse though and I can't help but chuckle a little bit. She's so damn cute and I kinda just want to talk to her all night now. I realize that neither of us has said anything for about two minutes so, I clear my throat and try again.

"Um—I know I should apologize for that and it was extremely forward of me, but Bella, I really mean it. Not in a sleazy way, but well, yeah, anyway." And yeah, I'm blushing again and feel like a complete tool now. I wish she would say something to make this situation less awkward.

I roll to my side and take a deep breathe. "Shit, Bella. I'm sorry. Okay, just forget I said that. No, wait, don't really. Fuck, I suck at this." Then, I hear that beautiful sound again, her girly laugh and it warms me up hotter than that shower did a few minutes ago.

"Edward, it's okay. I mean, I get it. I mean, I appreciate it. Shit, I suck at this too." It was my turn to chuckle. It seems our fumbling and stuttering broke the ice for us.

"Why don't we start over?"

She hums in agreement and I begin again. "Hey Bella, how was school today?"

Yes, it's cheesy, but I'll take what I can get from her. I'll be any kind of cheese she wants, American, Cheddar, Mozzarella, and even some spicy Pepper Jack. Oh how'd I love to be her Pepper Jack cheese right now. We could be all hot and spicy and give Sally a steamy show.

Fuck! I'm getting ahead of myself now and I'm acting like freaking Mike Newton with thoughts like that.

She giggles again and I swear I just want her to do that over and over again. "It was pretty good, though I do have to ask why you were giving me the evil eye today at lunch." Oh shit! She saw that and she thought I was mad at her. I could never be mad at her.

I pick at my sheets and slide the fabric back and forth between my fingers as I think about how much I want to reveal about what was wrong with me at lunch. I don't want to scare her away.

Hell, if I didn't scare her off with my opening line about what a fantastic kisser I am and wanting to show her, then surely I won't scare her off with this admission.

"Well, I promise it wasn't toward you Bella. I'm sorry if you felt that way." She lets out a relieved breath and I continue. "It's just that, well I guess before I say anything else; I need to ask you something." I hear her gulp and the last thing I want is for her to be nervous.

"Okay, sure," she responds.

I laugh again at her cute nervousness. "Don't be nervous. I'm the one that should be nervous about what I'm about to ask. I just want to know if—um—if, well, are you and Jacob Black together?" There I said it. I feel better now. That is until I hear her cackling laughter, at me.

I sit up straight in the bed, wondering what's so funny about what I just said. After a minute of deep belly laughing, she sobers up enough to answer. "Oh gah! I'm sorry, but that was hilarious. You thought me and Jake? Oh my." She continues to laugh at my expense. I don't find it funny, however.

"Well, you were sitting next to him today and I guess every day for that matter and you just seemed really happy around him. I guess...well I guess I'm kinda jealous of that. I want to make you laugh like that Bella. Will you let me?"

There, I put myself out there, now it's up to her to decide what she wants.

"First, let me just say that Jake and I are nothing but friends and only ever been such. He's like my little brother and I just want to protect him. As for lunch today, he was telling us a hilarious story about Mike and a chemistry experiment gone wrong." I let out a sigh of relief, as she continues to tell me all about what the idiot, Mike, did today.

I'm laughing my ass off and just really enjoying talking to her so much so, that I don't even hear my mom enter the room. I feel her shake my foot and I look up into her face that is shining back at me as bright as the sun. She looks so happy and I know it's because I'm happy right now. My happiness means the world to her and I'm glad that I put that smile on her face tonight.

I'm even more excited that this amazing girl is still on the phone with me and is the cause of my own cheesy grin.

I ask Bella to hold on for a second so I can see what my mom needs. "Yes, may I help you?" I offer her a shit eating grin and she returns it.

"Why yes, I'd love it if my gorgeous son would join me for dinner in about ten minutes." I love this woman.

I shake my head at her silliness and respond, "I'd be delighted ma'am." She laughs and heads out the door, closing it behind her as she goes. I'll no doubt be getting the third degree at dinner, but she won't have to pressure me too hard for information. I'll be all too happy to share it with her.

I lay back down for a moment as I continue my conversation with Bella. "Sorry about that. My mom just wants me to come down for supper in a minute."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Do you need to go?" Oh no, I certainly do not and so I tell her so.

"No worries, I'd much rather talk to you for a few more minutes. Anyway, I was kinda wondering if you wanted to you know, go out some time." There's a long pause before she answers, which does nothing to alleviate my nerves. Girls think men hold all of the power, shit! I'm putty in her hands and she doesn't even know it.

I sit up once again from nervous energy and wait for her to respond. "Look Edward, I'm going to be honest with you, okay." I want her to be honest. I nod my head, but realize she can't see me.

"Okay, please do." I sound like a moron. _Please do_. Ugh! I'm a total tool shed.

"I like you Edward and I'm a little scared of that. I'm scared of what that means, scared of you and what you could do to me. I just, well- I really don't want to get hurt."

She likes me! Okay, I need to settle down and remember that I'm walking around with a penis and not a vagina, so I need to act like it. I need to focus on the other part she said. "I understand that you're scared. I really do, but Bella, I don't ever, ever want to hurt you. And, I really, really like you too. In fact, I haven't been able to get you out of my head, since this weekend."

I hear that giggle again, so I continue. "And to be honest, I'm scared too Bella. What I do know is that I really want the chance to get to know you better and show you how much I care for you. Will you give me that chance Bella?"

This is it. She could say yes and it could be the start of something wonderful or she could say no and well, I don't even want to think about what it means and what could happen if she says no.

"So, here's the deal Edward. How about we start out slow, as friends? You know, take some time to really get to know one another and we'll just see what happens from there."

I'll admit that I'm a little disappointed, especially when my early thoughts of kissing and spicing things up in Sally rear their ugly head again, but if this is what she's offering, then I'll take it.

I grin into the phone as I answer her. "Sounds good to me, friend." We both chuckle over that and the cheese is back in full force again. I'm going with American cheese for now, as she's the all American girl.

"Alright, I guess I need to let you go, so you can go eat." It sounds as if she's a little sad and reluctant to let me go and I fist pump over that. I'm sad too. I could talk to her all night, but I don't want to ruin the moment and I really do need to go eat with my mom.

"Okay, well it's been nice talking to you Bella. I can't wait to get to know you better."

She responds immediately with a confident, "yeah, you too Edward." And before I completely lose my nerve, I throw one last crazy question out there.

"So, uh friend. Would it be acceptable for one friend to pick up another friend for school in the morning? Say, I don't know, around 7:30ish?"

I hear her gasp and I guess my question caught her off guard; maybe it was a little too forward even. Shit! I hope I didn't blow it, before it even began.

Her answer shocks me though. "Um sure. So, old red and I will be at your house at 7:30 in the morning. Don't be late."

Wait… what in the hell just happened here? I'm the guy and it's my duty to pick the girl up.

"Oh no, no, no, friend. Sally and I will be at your place at 7:30 in the morning." Once again, she's laughing at me.

"Edward, who in the hell is Sally?" I'm glad she doesn't sound jealous, but now I feel a little embarrassed about admitting that I named my truck Sally.

"Um Sally is the grand chariot of a truck that will be picking you up for school in the morning. 7:30 Bella, and don't be late." I laugh out loud as she jokingly huffs at me in faux annoyance.

"Oh gah! You named your truck Sally? Well, will Sally be jealous that you're picking up another girl tomorrow?" Seriously, I am so easily going to fall in love with this girl. She gives as good as she gets.

"HarHarHar! I'll just have a nice chat with her on the way over and tell her to be nice to my new friend."

We both burst out laughing for a few minutes, before settling down and telling each other goodbye.

I walk downstairs and don't even try to hide my grin from my mother. And now the interrogation will begin. It doesn't matter though, because tomorrow morning, I'll be picking up the most beautiful girl in Brilliant and nothing can burst my happy Bella bubble.

**A/N: So, it was Edward on the phone. He he! Hope you enjoyed their conversation. We'll see how long this "friend" thing lasts. **

**Thanks so much for reading all! **

**Oh and if you've read some of my tweets or other author's notes, only BFF and Hard Hats will be pulled this Friday. I'll be finishing this one and Borderline.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to the brilliant Stephenie Meyer.**

**I appreciate your alerts, faves, and reviews so much. You guys are the best ever!**

**She Talks to Angels**

**Chapter 13**

I admit I'm giddy as all get-out when I get off the phone with Edward. In fact, I'm still smiling and even humming to myself when my dad gets home an hour later. I rush to the kitchen and reheat his food for him. I know I'm probably going to get the third degree for my overly anxious and slightly bubbly behavior, but I really don't care.

I mean, yeah, I'm still cautious of Edward, which comes from years of being the town gossip and also him never seeking out actual contact or friendship with me before. But, honestly, I kind of just don't care at the moment. It's sort of nice to feel like a girl my age for once, all lighthearted and carefree and yes, even giddy over a boy.

I hear Daddy coming in moments later, hanging up his coat and taking off his shoes, as I'm lost in thoughts of my phone conversation. Edward was, is, very sweet. It's strange how comfortable it actually was talking to him. Maybe it's because we've known each other our whole lives or maybe it's just a meant to be sort of thing.

I halt, mid scoop of the spaghetti onto the plate with that thought. Meant to be? Really Bella? I need to hold up there a little bit. I'm really not sure where that thought came from.

Meant to be? What did my subconscious mean by that? Meant to be friends? I could handle that, but more. Well, I'm not so sure about that. I'm not sure that I'm looking for anything more than friends. Besides, I already told him that's all I want out of this. That's all I'm offering. It's all I _can_ offer to be honest.

I nearly drop the plate when I hear my dad's voice. "Hey kiddo, what's for supper tonight? It smells good whatever it is." He takes a nice big whiff of the marinara and pasta filled air, before sitting down on his favorite stool at the bar. I snap back into focus and set the plate in front of him. I quickly pour him a tall glass of sweet tea and grab a fork and napkin for him as well. I like to spoil him in little ways, the same as he does for me.

I realize a moment too late that my permagrin is still etched on my face. I try to wipe it away, but just like a darn permanent marker used on a dry erase board, it just won't come off.

I try to leave the room, before Dad can say something, even though I know it's rude. I just don't know how I'm going to answer him.

"Not so fast kiddo. Mind telling me what's brought about that beautiful smile that's been missing around here for a while?"

Then I feel guilty, that I haven't been happy and smiling in years. I used to be such a happy-go- lucky type of person, but it's been a bit closer to the emo side as of late.

_I'll have to change that._

I stop dead in my tracks and take a seat right next him, praying we can get this over quickly and he won't give me too hard of a time over this. He continues to chew his food and slightly slurp his spaghetti like a three year old little boy. I chuckle a little at him, while trying to think of what to say.

I drum my nails on the counter again as I begin. "Well, nothing really, it's just that Edward called again tonight. No big deal. I'm tired actually and think I'm gonna go to bed now. Goodnight Daddy." I try so hard to escape quickly, even rushing out those words, but my dad is relentless and I know I'll have to give him more than that.

He puts his fork down and gently grabs my arm before I can escape in embarrassment and yeah, a little excitement too.

"Slow down there, Missy. You can't just throw that out there and then not expect your dear old Dad to have anything to say about it. Have a seat." I do, because he's right. Plus, I really would like to hear his thoughts on what I should do now.

I let out a loud humph as I take my seat once again on the hard wooden stool and begin to give him the slightly edited version of the day's event and a little of our phone conversation. I make sure to tell him that Edward's picking me up for school in the morning too.

"But, it's just as friends, Daddy."

He gives me a smirk before responding, "Sure it is sweetheart, sure it is."

I'm not sure what he means by that, but I don't like what he's implying here. Edward and I can only ever be friends. I'm sure he has plans after high school, like everyone else, that don't involve staying here in Brilliant.

I let out a sigh in typical teenage annoyance as I pat him on the shoulder and head up to my room for the night. I have a lot to think over and I kinda just want to bask in my earlier excitement.

This reminds me that I need to call Kate and fill her in. She'll kill me if she finds out about Edward and me at the same time as the rest of the school, when we pull up in his truck together. No, not just his truck, his Sally. I giggle at the thought. He is just too cute.

Freaking A! I'm so screwed here. I'm already thinking his pet name for his truck is cute. Why do I feel like this is not going to end well for me?

I make it to my room and change into my pajamas, before lying down on the bed and dialing Kate's number. It only rings once, before she picks it up and I start in immediately replaying word for word of my phone call from Edward.

She's gushing and squealing right along with me and it's actually a lot of fun to talk to her about boys. I feel my age for once.

As I'm lying there gabbing away, a slight panic washes over me. I have no clue what I'm supposed to wear tomorrow. I mean normally I'd wear a simple fitted concert T, jeans and my leather jacket. But, do I need to dress up a little more now? Maybe put a little more time into my usual morning routine and my physical appearance?

I ask Kate what I should do and wear and she laughs her ass off at me. I don't find this at all funny and I tell her so.

"Why don't you just help me figure this shit out K? I mean I know we're just friends, but still. Gah! Should I wear makeup or something?" I freak at the thought.

I don't have the slightest clue about how to apply makeup. This in turn makes me instantly sad as I start to miss my mother once again. I feel robbed of the relationship we could've had, should've had and the simple mother daughter bonding rituals of how to put on makeup.

I try not to let the sadness inflict on my voice. The last thing I need is for Kate to start pitying me over the phone. Instead, I focus on Edward and what he said at the beginning of our phone conversation. I think about what it would be like to kiss him.

I tell Kate I'll let her go, because I'm really not paying attention to what she's saying any longer. I'm lost in Edward and his lips and what his kisses would taste like.

I hang up the phone and turn off my light, then crawl back into my bed and to my slightly lustful thoughts of Edward. Would his kisses be sweet and gentle or rough and demanding? The way he spoke at first about showing me what a wonderful kisser he was, I would go with the latter. Then again, the things he said during the rest of our conversations, made me believe he'd be the former.

And oh, I bet the boy could really kiss. I mean, not that I was an expert. I kissed one boy in my lifetime and it was back during a rare attempt at trying to fit in after my mom passed. It was a spin the bottle type of kiss and I sort of freaked out when Jasper Whitlock slipped me the tongue. Hmm… maybe that's why Alice hates me now.

Well, she can have him. I never wanted to be near him again after that. It was kind of gross the way his tongue was literally cleaning my teeth and it felt like he was eating me alive. _Yeah, Alice can definitely have him_.

I roll over on my side, still not ready to go to sleep and still thinking about Edward's words and maybe his kisses too. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to maybe try kissing him, but then again, that would go against my only friends rule that I had firmly in place.

I growl into my pillow in frustration and try to fall asleep and let my mind drift away from Edward and on to more boring subjects like history.

It obviously did the trick, because I wake up in the morning, surprisingly refreshed, but with a slight flutter in my stomach again. Oh these Edward Cullen nerves will be the death of me.

I climb out of bed, with a little more pep in my step than normal and begin to get ready. I decide to just stick with my normal jean, T and jacket, no makeup. I like me this way and I'll never change who I am for a guy, never. I don't think he'd want me to anyway.

I'm munching on a strawberry Pop Tart when I hear the sound of his engine. Dad's here this morning, reading the paper on his bar stool and gives me a knowing look when I start nervously fluttering around the room, waiting for Edward to knock on the door.

And just like the true southern gentlemen that he is, a moment later he's knocking on the door and greeting my father, who just so happened to beat me to the door this morning. He's eating this shit up too.

I look at Edward from under my Dad's shoulder as I try to bypass him and just slip out without a big introduction of the two that clearly already know each other. It's then that I notice the dark circle around his eye and his slightly swollen lip.

"What on earth happened to you Edward? Are you alright? Who did this to you?" I know I'm not giving him a chance to answer, but I'm slightly freaked out that anyone would ever want to hurt Edward. He's just one of those nice guys, or always seemed to be anyway.

I try to check out his bruising, without touching, though my fingers are aching to run under his eyes and make sure he's alright

Edward looks down at me with kind affection, before rehashing what happened between him and Mike. And just like that, my Daddy loves Edward. Why wouldn't he? He was defending his daughter's honor after all. I'll admit that I might've swooned a little too.

My dad still has to do his rite of passage and try and put the fear of God in him, well sort of anyway.

Edward tries to smooth things over with why he's actually here, although we all already know by now.

"Mr. Swan, I don't know if Bella told you, but I'm driving her to school this morning. I mean if that's alright with you, sir." Oh gah! This boy is just too cute for words and I'm sure Daddy is loving this a little too much.

My dad just opens the screen wider to let Edward enter, before speaking to him. "Is that so Edward, well, let me ask you a few questions before you take my baby girl anywhere." And here we go, I know he's joking, but I'm sort of dying over here and need him to stop right now.

"Dad," I say as I step between them and try to usher Edward right back out the door. "Is this really necessary? I mean you've known Edward since birth. I think you know that he's a good guy, plus he's sporting a nice shiner and a busted lip, because he stood up for me." He huffs at me, like I just ruined all his fun and I feel just a little bad about it.

Edward and I are now outside and just as the screen door is slamming, I hear Dad say, "Be careful with her, she's all I've got left." It was faint and I'm not sure if he meant for us to really hear, but it broke my heart and reminded me that once again that all this could be is just a friend thing. I had a responsibility to Charlie and a promise I made to my mom that I'd always be here to take care of him in her absence.

I'm now feeling gloomy, as Edward opens the door for me. It brings a momentary smile to my face and I try my best not to ruin this moment between us. A few seconds later, he's joining me in the loud old truck as he fires her up and reverses out the driveway, seatbelt firmly in place as well.

I can't help but smile at him as his shining bright green's meet my basic brown. I'm holding onto the oh shit bar as we tumble down the old dirt road.

"So, this is Sally? She seems nice enough. Did you have your little talk with her this morning about the jealousy issue?" I giggle a little as I remember this part of our conversation last night. He chuckles too and it's nice and jolly, infectious even.

"Ha ha! Yes, I actually did tell her to be on her best behavior, because I had a beautiful new friend that would be riding with us this morning. She said she'd be nice by the way." We start giggling again and once it dies down, he turns up the radio and I realize it's one of my favorite songs.

"I love this old song," he said. I can't help but smile as it's something else we have in common.

He starts singing it lightly under his breath and I try to lean a little closer to hear him.

"_Yeah, she gives a smile when the pain comes. The pain gonna make everything alright. She says she talks to angels_." I can't help but join in at this point as his voice has risen and mine is joining in a somewhat harmonic melody.

I'm really getting into it, when he looks over at me and sings the next few words, "She wears a cross around her neck." He reaches over and fingers my necklace.

Suddenly I know he's not just singing the song, but he's singing about me. This song is me and the angel is my mom.

I always wear this cross around my neck. It's nothing special, just a simple sterling silver cross that Daddy gave to me after Momma passed, reminding me that I'd see her again someday in heaven and that she's always watching over me.

I wonder if she's watching over me now. I wonder if she can see how sad and lonely I've been and how scared I am to be in this truck with this cute boy right at this very moment.

I feel my eyes well up and I will the tears away. Maybe, just maybe mom called in some favors and I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be and with exactly who I'm supposed to be with at this moment in my life.

Something about this song and this moment awakens something within my soul and makes me decide that it's time. It's time to open up and let someone else in. I just hope I won't get hurt again.

Edward is silent beside me and focusing on the road. I know I've ruined the moment and probably scared him with my silent tears. I know I need to fix this situation pronto, so I do.

I take a deep breath and a slight leap of faith as I reach over and grab his hand in mine. He turns to me and smiles and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world, to be riding with him. In this beat up old Ford, holding his slightly calloused hand from throwing the football one too many times and lifting weights as well. I'm lucky because this sweet and wonderful country boy, likes me, wants to spend time with me, came and picked me up for school.

I give his hand a good squeeze and he brings our joined hands up to his lips, the same lips I haven't been able to get off of my mind, and gives my hand the sweetest kiss. Yes, he will most certainly be a sweet and gentle kisser and now I'm dying to feel those lips against my own.

He looks away from the road for a moment and into my eyes as he gently lays our hands back in his lap. That one little look said it all; he's dying to feel my lips on his as well.

_Whew! It's suddenly becoming too warm in old Sally._

I don't' have too much time to worry about that though, because what seems like only seconds later, we're pulling up to the school.

He squeezes my hand once more before asking, "You ready?" I'm not sure what I should be ready for, but hopefully with him by my side and his hand in mine, I'm ready to face this day.

But, maybe I should be more concerned, because as soon as I step out of the truck, with Edward holding my hand and easing me down, I catch Mike Newton glaring at us and a chill runs through me.

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Who knows, maybe some sweet kisses are on the horizon or maybe more drama. We shall see. **

**Thanks as always for reading. I heart you all hard. **

**Oh, I almost forgot, in case any of you were wondering, no I don't own the song, "She Talks to Angels." Yeah, that's the Black Crowes. Anyway….**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to the brilliant Stephenie Meyer.**

**I appreciate your alerts, faves, and reviews so much. You guys are the best ever!**

**I'm A Creep**

**Chapter 14**

I help Bella out of Sally, being extra careful with her as I do. I don't want her to trip and fall or anything. That's when I feel it. I can literally feel his creepy stare on Bella and me. I know he's going to start some shit over this today. I know today will be a very telling and trying day for Bella and me and our possible relationship.

Once I can tell that her feet are both firmly planted on the ground, by seeing her black rain boots with stars on them on the asphalt, I turn around to face him. I will not cower down to him. He's nothing, but a second string nobody here. Though, I've never treated him as such or looked down on anybody, that's about to change if he doesn't turn his creeper eyes away from my Bella.

I don't know why I'm suddenly this possessive jerk, but I am and I feel like a freaking dog peeing on her and marking my territory. Well, I won't literally pee on her of course, but he needs to back off.

I grab Bella's hand in mine, not even asking her if she wants me to, I just do so, then slowly lead us in Mike's direction. I'm setting him straight right now.

"Listen Mike, you mind taking your eyes off of us, please." I was trying to keep my cool and not come off as a total jerk in front of Bella.

I have to be careful too or I'll get benched for the next game or even the season. Hell, I might be already, since I just left practice like that last night. I never let anyone get to me like Mike did yesterday. I need to nip this in the bud and quick, before I lose everything I've worked so hard for.

I stand firm in front of him, towering over him a foot or so, I try to nonchalantly place Bella behind me as I do so. I don't want her in the middle of this. And now, I feel like a complete ass, for acting this way in front of her and for putting her in this situation. I should've waited until practice to confront him.

I take a quick look around and once again, I've placed the three of us at the center of attention and gossip. Maybe I should just leave Bella alone. I'll only bring her down it seems and she doesn't need drama. She's had enough and I know that.

But, then she squeezes my hand a little tighter, letting me know she's here with me and with that, I'm just gonna be a selfish bastard and enjoy every minute she allows me to be with her. I squeeze her hand back as Mike begins to lean forward and snarl at me.

"Listen Cullen, I wasn't looking at you. I was looking at that fine little ass behind you."

He glances behind me, shifting his eyes up and down, before asking, "How's it going Bella? Wanna help me with my English homework this evening."

Oh no he fucking did not. This guy has some balls for sure and if he wants to keep them, he better not try anything with my girl.

I should trust her more though and realize she can handle herself, because just as I'm about to lose my temper on him again, Bella chimes in.

"Listen Mike, I'm really not interested in doing homework or anything else with you, ever." I'm speechless and thinking she's done as I start to slowly pull her away towards the school building.

She stops and slightly pulls back from me, while still holding my hand. She gives him one last zinger before we go.

"Oh and widdle Mikey, if you harass me one more time or try to start shit with Cullen. She leans closer to him and whispers, "Well, let's just say I still remember the time I saw you making out with Alice Brandon's mom. Now, I know that wouldn't bother you if it got out," She tells him with new cockiness and I'm now salivating over this girl. I turn to face her full on now waiting for her to finish the sentence.

"But, I also heard her tell you to keep it quiet or you wouldn't be getting that full ride to Auburn in the fall."

He pales at her words and I'm stunned by her little admission over Mike and Mrs. Brandon. We all knew that Mike had been accepted to Auburn and he was bragging that he got a full ride, though he failed to mention how. None of us here at Brilliant ever get full rides, unless your lasts name's Brandon or you're the Valedictorian or something.

She turns us around, swinging our joined hands as we go, a sign for all to see that clearly we're something. Maybe we aren't boyfriend and girlfriend, but there is something going on between us.

I walk with Bella to her locker and try to help carry her books, but she shoos me away. "Look Edward, I'm not inept or one of those girls that likes guys doing things for them, that they can so clearly do for themselves, okay. Besides, we're just friends, right?"

I try to think of something to say. I try not to be a little hurt by her words. I mean my momma raised me to always treat a lady like a lady and do those small things for her. I wish she'd just let me do it, help her out a little. I can't help but feel like that wall that was starting to slowly come down last night, even this morning, is now firmly intact again.

I look down at her and offer her an apologetic smile. "Look I'm sorry Bella; it's just been drilled into me to be polite." She's the one offering an apologetic smile and maybe that wall hasn't gone back up completely. I'll just have to keep chipping away at it and find little ways to make her smile and learn to trust me.

"I'm sorry Edward that was rude of me. It's just that I've never really had a guy that cared or offer to do that for me before."

I'm mentally fist pumping, because this is such a score for me. I get to show her and teach her how she should be treated.

I give her a smirk as I say, "Well, Bella, you're in luck, because I've never done this for a girl before either. Now, would you please let me feel like a man and allow me to carry your bag?"

She rolls her eyes at me as I try to reach for her backpack. She holds her hand out to stop me though. "Now wait a minute Edward. Do friends really carry each other backpacks?" She's giving me the widest grin I've ever seen.

Why do I feel scared about where she's going with this? I take a big gulp before responding. "Um-ye-yeah, they do. Why?"

She reaches for my bag then as if to prove her point and this girl got me good. "Well, then friend, I guess that means, if you carry my bag, I have to carry your big ol' gym bag."

She knows I'll never let her lug that heavy thing around. I decide to let her have her way, just this once. I'm going to find a way to spoil her somehow though.

"Argh! You are so infuriating Bella. Fine, you can carry your own bag, for now." I say with a chuckle.

She giggles in response and surprises me by grabbing my hand again. I walk her to her class and tell her I'll see her later. It's a little awkward, because I want to ask her to sit with me, or better yet, ask if I can sit with her at lunch, away from the loud and crude football crew. I don't though, just offer a smile and head to my own class.

Lunch gets here all too quickly and I've still not made a decision about what to do about this seating arrangement. Will she think it too forward of me to just go and sit down with her and her friends? Will she feel offended or like I'm embarrassed of her if I don't offer to let her sit with me and my crew?

I've somehow made it to the cafeteria, while being lost in my thoughts. I stand in line to get my tray, trying to casually goof off with the guys. As we are about to walk out and towards our table, I'm thankfully saved from making this tough decision, when Garrett hollers at me and pats the seat next to him that just so happens to be right in front of Bella. My ears turn a little hot when Bella looks my why with her big brown eyes. My goodness, this girl is beautiful.

I start to make my way towards their table and what I'm now claiming as my seat, when I hear Jasper from behind me.

"Where ya heading, Cullen?" Crap! How do I answer this? I don't want to embarrass Bella and make it seem like it's a bigger deal than what it is, yet.

I think quickly on my feet for a response. "Ah, you know man, just heading over to chat with Garrett about something." I know he's not buying, but I just hope that Bella didn't hear and think that I'm ashamed to sit by her. I mean, I know everyone in school has seen what's been going on between us. I just don't want to draw any more attention to us, to her.

Jasper hassles me a little more and I clutch my tray tighter. "You sure it doesn't have anything to do with a certain person that wears black rain boots with stars and a leather jacket?" And shit, my ears are burning even more. I don't like a lot of attention on me either.

I start to walk backwards, towards Bella's table as I say, "Well, she may have something to do with it." To my surprise he doesn't give me anymore shit over it, just gives me a happy knowing grin and waves me off.

I waste no time in walking over, placing my tray down and sliding into my seat in front of my pretty new friend. She gives me a shy smile in return.

The conversation begins to flow easily and we're all laughing and having a good time. Even with Jacob Black here, he's a pretty funny little dude, actually.

A thought hits me and I feel like such an ass for not thinking of it sooner. I lean forward trying to talk to only Bella.

"Hey Bella, I uh—I forgot to mention that I had practice after school today." I want to ask her to come and watch, but I'm not sure how she'll take that. Would it be too soon or too much on the friend level?

Kate overhears and chimes in though, "Oh, no problem, I can take you home Bella. I'm sure we have lots to talk about." She put a little extra emphasis on the lots and it made Bella give her a playful shove in return.

While I should feel thankful that she has a ride, if she wants it and won't have to wait forever on me to finish practice, I'm a little sad over it. I kind of like the idea of Bella being in the stands and watching me in my element.

Garrett must have the same idea; he's just braver and voices it. "Or, you too could just come and watch our practice and Cullen can still drive you home afterwards, Bella."

I totally want to guy hug Garrett right now. Instead, I give him a grateful smile and he offers a wink in return.

Bella and Kate have their heads together in quiet conversation. It's kinda cute, really. It seems I think everything she does is cute. I'm getting it bad, that's for sure.

Garrett and I are waiting on their response, when they both turn to us with poker faces on. Bella leans forward again in attempt at a private conversation. "Well, I'd really like too, but I'll have to call my dad first and make sure it's alright. He's early shift today and I'm usually home in time to cook supper for him."

I think this over for a minute and then nod my head at her. "What about this then, how about you tell him that we'll pick up a pizza on the way home? This way, you won't have to cook, but you can still have supper at about your normal time, because practice will be over by 6:00.

It's her turn to think it over for a minute. "Well, it sounds good to me, but I'll have to let you know for sure after school, okay?"

And why wouldn't it be okay, I'm the same way with my mom. I'll always ask her permission before I do anything. I like her even more now, because she's the same. We both have one parent and we both know they are the most important people in our lives and we want to respect them.

I pick up her hand and give a good squeeze. We seem to be getting good and comfortable at this hand holding thing. Is it wrong that I wish we could be more than friends sooner and I could live up to my comment on the phone last night, about showing her what a good kisser I am?

I shake my head to rid it of those thoughts and remind myself that I need to go turtle slow with her. I realize I've yet to respond and she's biting her lip in nervous anticipation for some reason. "Oh, yeah, that's totally cool. I respect that actually."

She gives me her new wide grin, that I'm going to now say is my grin, it's officially the Edward Cullen grin, reserved only for me.

"The bell rings and I look at her one more time before gathering my tray and trash and making my way out of the cafeteria. I try to grab hers as well, but she stops me before I can and I relent and let her carry her own. I'm not pushing my good luck. If she wants to carry her own tray, that's fine by me, just as long as I see her sweet face up in those stands this evening at practice.

I tell her I'll meet her by her locker after school and we both head off to our next class, offering excited, but slightly shy smiles as we go.

I can't wait for school to be over, so I can see her again.

**A/N: Next up we'll hear from Bella and how this friend thing is working out for her. Do you think she'll cave soon or is she already caving?**

**Thanks again so much for reading guys! **


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to the brilliant Stephenie Meyer.**

**I just want to apologize for rarely responding to reviews. Please know that I read and cherish each one, as well as the alerts and faves.  
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**Boys in Tight Pants**

**Chapter 15**

All throughout the day Edward and I are very flirty with each other. I can't resist holding his hand every chance I get. I know it's a dangerous thing today, because I've classified us as just friends and for now that's really all I want and really all I can offer.

Kate and I talk about it between classes and even the few classes we have together. She thinks I should just give up, wave the white flag and give in already. Part of me wants to, the part that finds his goofy grin and blush nothing short of adorable.

The way, he so desperately wants to respect me, but still stands up to Mike Newton. Yeah I had to feel his hand in mine after that and I'm not sure who needed the comfort more at that moment. We were both tense after our run in with Mike the creeper Newton.

I think he got the hint though, when I threatened him with my rare bit of black mail. It was just by accident that I saw them making out that day. Daddy sent me out late one night for some milk for our cereal for the next morning and I not only saw, but overheard a very private conversation going on between Mrs. Brandon and Mike.

He had her pushed up against his old truck. They thought they were hidden in the dim lighting, but they obviously aren't that bright and slick to pull off a rendezvous in the Harp's parking lot.

But, enough thinking about that disgusting Newton, I need to mentally prepare myself for seeing Edward again. Not only seeing him, but seeing him in his tight football pants. I need to focus on how to maintain an impassive face. I couldn't show him, Kate or any of the other guys, nor the Whorleaders that were sure to be hanging around practice this evening, how effected I was becoming by Edward.

I'm already reluctant to admit how comfortable and easy it was having him invade our lunch table today. I'm actually glad that Garrett called him over, because I never would've had the guts to do it and I didn't want to make him uncomfortable or put our newfound friendship on the spot by asking him to sit with us. I didn't want to read too much into this, whatever it is that's going on between us.

I snap out of my thoughts and finish putting my books into my locker and grabbing what I'll need for homework tonight. Maybe I'll have time to work on it during Edward's practice tonight. I slam my locker door shut and almost run into that darn brick wall of muscle again, that could only belong to him. _Yeah, maybe homework will have to wait._

I smile up at him, shy like and unsure of myself, but he's having none of that. He grabs my hand again, like it's the most natural thing in the world and starts leading us toward the football field.

I give myself a mental pep talk, not to overthink this and just see what happens. As we're walking, he's chatting with me about the rest of his day and I share mine as well. It's easy conversation, nothing strained or forced by any means and it scares me. I could so easily get my heartbroken by him, so, so easily. Pep talk be damned, I have to be smart about this and follow my head and not my heart.

My heart can't take any more pain and it would only lead to more if I give into anything more than friendship, because I know when he leaves next fall to chase after his dreams, my heart will go with him.

My heart will want to follow its owner, that's what he'd be if I gave into this teenage girl fantasy of falling in love with him. That's what would happen if I listen to my heart and not my head and I just can't. I just can't let that happen to me. I've already lost one person I loved, I can't lose two.

He must think I'm a super listener, because I've been silent for so long, lost in my fears and self-doubt. I actually have no idea what he's been talking about and I feel horrible about it.

He comes to a stop and it's only then that I scan my surroundings. It's one of those moments that you're standing somewhere and you have no idea how you got there.

We're standing in front of the athletic building and I know that I've got to release this hold I have on his hand, but I don't want to. When I do, I know that I'll be letting go of him and the possibility of more and it literally breaks my heart to do that. I squeeze his hand tighter and he flinches slightly.

"Easy there killer, I need that hand to throw with in a minute." I know he's teasing, but I can't help but feel bad.

"I'm sorry Edward," I say, staring at the pattern on his shirt.

He pulls my chin up again, always wanting me to look him dead in the eyes and I'm always too embarrassed to do so.

"Hey, I was just kidding Bella. You didn't hurt me, see." He wiggles his now free hand as if to prove his point and I can't help but feel like it's a wave goodbye.

I need to get myself together and stop acting like a bipolar mess. _Is this what boys do to girls?_ Make us feel crazy in the head, happy one minute, sad and unsure the next? Yeah, I'm not so sure I want to be involved in something like that.

Edward's staring right at me and I'm now staring at his hand, longing for it to be in its rightful place, laced with mine.

"Hey, Bella, what's wrong? I don't want to go in there with you looking this upset. Please tell me. Don't shut me out." He's so sweet and so earnest that I've got to give him something.

I look him in the eye, willing him to believe that I'm telling the truth and there is nothing more going on in my head. "It's nothing Edward, I just never want to hurt you is all."

I think he buys it, because he gives me that cocky smirk as he kisses me on the top of my head saying, "The only way you could hurt me is if you broke my heart."

Yeah, he just broke mine by saying that. He grabs my hand, squeezing it once more, leaving me speechless and overwhelmed once again, as he struts off to the locker room.

I snap out of it and head to the stands to find Kate.

Thankfully she's sitting by herself and away from the Whoreleaders, she's scanning her phone and I'm sure checking her Facebook page for the millionth time today. She's probably looking at all of the likes and happy comments on her current relationship status.

Why people get so into that I'll never know, but I can tell that simple little, "in a relationship with Garrett Davis," brings her more happiness then I've seen in a really long time.

"So, updating your status to, 'watching Garrett's football practice'?" I couldn't resist teasing her, but in doing so, scared her half to death.

I laughed loudly at the way she jumped, causing the Whoreleaders to look our way. Great! Just what I need, unwanted attention from the mean girls of our school.

Alice is glaring my way with a look more menacing then Mike's this morning. I just give her a big smile and wave right back. I want to blow her some kisses too, but at the last minute decide that might be just a tad too much.

"Girl, would you stop taunting them?" Kate pulls me down to sit beside her on the cool metal bleachers, effectively ending my fun.

We start giggling as I give her playful huff, but are cut short when we see the boys run on to the field. I look at Kate, because she lets out what can only be described as a moan, and she's biting her lip too.

"Um, hello Kate. Did you just hear yourself?"

She doesn't take her eyes off her object of lust. "Yes, I did and if you were looking down there at the field and not at me, you'd be enjoying a pretty spectacular view yourself."

I look down at the field, finding my new favorite number out there in his blue practice jersey and tight grey pants and then I understand and yes, I might've let a little moan out as well.

As if they could hear us, they both turned to look up at us, giving us matching goofy grins, before snapping out of it and focusing on their warm up drills.

I couldn't deny it any longer, boys in tight pants, no correction, Edward in tight pants is a sight to behold. I think I finally get what all of this football fuss is about. It's not about the sport; it's about watching these hot and sweaty guys being aggressive and basically beating the shit out of each other out there on that field.

I again start feeling bipolar as my mood switches to wanting more once again. Screw my head, my heart and maybe something else, is winning right now.

Kate looks over at me, giving me a knowing look and while it should piss me off, it doesn't. Then, I do something rare and unexpected of me, I give out the girliest giggle, because I can't deny that this is surprisingly fun and oh so fascinating to watch.

Maybe I won't be so reluctant to come with her to these Friday night games after watching this practice.

We continue to watch the boys practice and gush over their cuteness, still ignoring those hateful looks coming from Alice. I know she's just jealous, because Edward's been giving me attention lately and he's never shown her the time of day. I might be gloating a little bit over that, even though Edward and I are nothing more than friends, for right now anyway.

My heart is still winning over my head right now. My head has sit down on its own bleachers and focused on the pretty boy on the field wearing the number seventy nine jersey.

I notice that Edward gets in a few good tackles on Mike, even though he doesn't really play defense or from what I can tell anyway. I'm not completely clueless about sports; I do know the difference between offense and defense.

Kate and I are pretty quiet while they are practicing. It must take all of our attention and intense concentration on those tight pants, making it virtually impossible for us to keep up any kind of conversation.

A few hours later, they huddle up for their prayer and start to head for the showers. Kate and I make our way down to the field, catching up with Edward and Garrett before they run off.

"So, Bella, what'd ya think of football practice." Leave it to Garrett to put me on the spot.

I shuffle just a little closer to Edward, not caring that he's all sweaty and smelly. I might be marking my territory, even though he's not mine to mark. Yet, my heart says. He's not mine to mark yet.

And for now, I'm listening to my heart.

I look up at Edward and offer him a shy grin before I respond to Garrett. "Um, well it was pretty interesting and intense."

Yeah, that's the best I could do. I couldn't tell them about enjoying number seventy nine in his tight pants, nor about mine and Kate's intense concentration on them and not on the game itself.

They all laugh lightly at me and I can't help but join in. It's nice, feeling normal for once. Feeling my age and doing things girls my age do, but my head stands up from the bleachers and has to remind me to be cautious. My heart is playing defense though and firmly places my head back on the bench.

Edward smiles down at me as I turn to face him. "So, we're just gonna hit the showers and I'll be right out and we can go get that pizza I promised."

I can't believe I forgot to tell him this earlier. "Oh," I say as I place my hand on his arm, to halt him for a moment. "I forgot to tell you that obviously my dad said yes, I could stay after for your practice, but he also said not to worry about bringing anything home. He said he could just find something there, a Hungry Man dinner or something." I shrug as I tell him this and for some reason I'm nervous for his response.

He looks nervous too, as he says, "Oh, okay, well um—do you have to go right home or would you like to grab a bite to eat or something." His ears, though already pink from the heat of practice, turn a deeper shade of red as he asks.

"We could do a group thing or something."

He hollers at Garrett and Kate, who are in their own little bubble next to us.

"Hey you guys wanna grab some grub at the diner with us."

I know he's asking them for my sake, he doesn't want me to be uncomfortable and I can't help but think that it's incredibly sweet of him and my heart fists pumps as it just scored another point against my head.

Garrett looks to Kate who nods readily and it's a done deal.

Edward looks back at me with his boyish smile. "Alright then ladies, we'll meet y'all at the athletic building in ten.

We both grin at our boys as they head off to get cleaned up and I realize that I've not smiled this much in years and that's just another point for my heart.

**A/N: Thanks so much for reading!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to the brilliant Stephenie Meyer.**

**I appreciate your alerts, faves, and reviews so much. You guys are the best ever! Glad you are still enjoying this little fic. I kind of have soft spot for this chapter.  
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**Cheeseburgers and Paradise**

**Chapter 16**

I think I just took the quickest shower possible. I'm in a hurry to get back out there to Bella. This day has gone so much better than I expected it to and I have a feeling it's just going to get even better.

When I got to practice, I was a little distracted. I could tell Bella was struggling with something and not telling me. I saw the moment she closed up again and I just knew I was about to have to try to chip away again. We've come so far today, I feel like, but she's still unsure and still afraid to trust me. I get it, I really do, but I'll be glad when she finally lets her guard down and lets me in.

Judging by the way she was looking at me during practice, because I sure caught her staring a few times, I think another part of that wall crumbled. I'm shocked even more that she agreed to go and eat dinner with me tonight. I knew though that she'd be more comfortable if it was less date-ish, so I quickly asked Kate and Garrett and I was thankful that they agreed as well.

Garrett and I both were rushing through our showers; he's just as smitten with Kate as I am Bella. I'm hoping that the coach doesn't try to stop me and that he got it all out earlier before practice started.

Yeah, he chastised me a bit for my behavior and for not being a good role model last night as the team captain. He felt I was not conducting myself as a good captain should. He also told me that he would not condone violence on the field and if I wanted to keep my position on the team, then I need to get my shit together. I told him he wouldn't have any more trouble out of me and I know that I messed up. I also apologized for just leaving like that.

He let me off the hook only because I'm a good kid and have never done anything like this before. I also had to apologize to the whole team for my behavior.

I think he knew it was mainly Mike's fault, but he had to prove his point, so I had to suck it up and apologize instead of being benched for this Friday's game. It was a very fair trade in my opinion. I'm just glad he didn't make me apologize to Mike. I don't think I would've been able to do that.

Speaking of Mike, he was extremely quiet all throughout practice. I guess Bella really did put him in a place and shut him up. I can't help but laugh thinking about his face when she said that to him this morning.

I'm still laughing about it when I meet Garrett at the doors to the locker room and he gives me a curious look. I just shake it off, give him a pat on the shoulder and usher us out of the building and straight to our girls.

There she is, all shy like and adorable. Her brown hair slightly hiding her beautiful face. I walk over to her, drop my bag and take that piece of hair and tuck it behind her ear, revealing both of her piercing brown eyes. She's gorgeous and I'm a goner.

She gives me a sweet smile, before grabbing my hand. I grab my bag and we all make our way to our vehicles. I'll admit that I love the way her smaller hand fits in mine. It just feels right and complete.

When we get to Sally, I open the old creaking door for her and make sure she's safely inside before running around and hoping into the driver's seat. I'm all of a sudden nervous about tonight and what this means. I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't like to walk her to her doorstep and leave her with a sweet kiss tonight.

_Would it be too forward or too much too fast for her?_

I don't know and I sure don't want to screw up what's been a great day between us by rushing her into something she doesn't want or isn't ready for.

Slow, I have to be slow about this.

We get to the diner and Kate and Garrett pull up right beside us. We all walk in and make our way to a quiet little booth in the back. I love that I'm going to get to sit so close to Bella. I love that she's agreed to spend more time with me tonight and she seems to be enjoying herself too. She's smiled a lot today, more than I've ever seen her do before and it's nothing short of spectacular to see on her pretty face.

The waitress places our menus in front of us and we're all silent for a moment, perusing our options. I know what I'm getting, so there is really no need in looking. I wonder though, if Bella will be one of those girls that gets nervous and thinks she needs to order a salad or something to make me think she's a light eater. I'll never understand why girls do that.

I don't know why I would even think or worry about that though, it seems Bella's not like most girls as she orders the same as me, right down the strawberry milkshake and seasoned fries. Got to love a girl that's not afraid to eat a big greasy cheeseburger.

Garrett breaks the silence after the waitress walks off. "So, you girls coming to our away game this weekend? I know it's a few hours away, but it'd be nice to see you both up in the stands."

I nod my head in agreement and give Garrett a smirk in appreciation.

Bella looks to me to gauge my reaction before surprising me with her response. "Um-yeah, sounds good to me. Kate?" She turns to face her blonde friend and I'm waiting on baited breath for her answer. Not that I think she'll say no, because she's clearly in deep infatuation with my best friend, but still.

Kate looks at all of our questioning smiling faces, before a smile breaks out on her face. "Of course we'll be there guys. Wouldn't miss it. Plus a little road trip sounds fun. Doesn't it, B?"

We all look to Bella this time and she just grins and nods. "Oh yeah a little Salt-N-Peppa playing on the way with my best friend. Sounds like a good time to me."

I can't help but tease her a little bit. "So, us in football pants all hot and sweaty doesn't have anything to do with it? Just Kate and some girl rap music? I'm hurt." I grin down at her and she's all shinning eyes back at me.

She playfully shoves my arm and suddenly Kate and Garrett are no longer at our table, it seems we are in our own little bubble for a moment.

"Nope, that has nothing to do with it at all." I can tell she's kidding by the playful smile she's giving me. She's leaning a little closer and I can't help but lean as well.

We're broken apart a few minutes later when we hear the obnoxious voice of one Alice Cullen and her group of Whoreleaders entering the diner.

She makes her way to our table, sneering at my Bella in the process. This will not do.

"Hey Edward, great practice out there today." She's offering a flirtatious smile and I just want to barf on her. She just doesn't do it for me at all.

I need to get her away from our table and quick, she's ruined such a sweet moment between Bella and I and I can tell she's making my girl uncomfortable.

"Uh-yeah, thanks."

Thankfully the waitress comes and breaks up the awkward moment, placing our cheeseburgers, fries and milkshakes in front of us.

"Sorry Alice," I said, while reaching for the ketchup with one hand and clutching Bella's with the other. "We're kind of busy here, so if you wouldn't mind…" I left it at that. My momma taught me never to be rude, especially to women, but I find it hard to do around Alice.

She stood there for a minute and we tried to ignore her. I turned my body as much as I could toward Bella. Trying to shower her with attention. I grab one of my fries, dip it in ketchup and place it at Bella's lips. She's startles for a second and slowly opens her mouth to let it in.

She may or may not have licked my finger in the process and I may or may not have had to discreetly adjust myself.

A moment later we hear a huff as Alice storms off to sit with her cronies. Yeah, somehow I forgot she was standing there. Hmm… I can't imagine why.

I look to Bella and she's smiling back at me.

I think she might've enjoyed that a little too much and it makes me happy to see her just a smidge jealous over me. She has nothing to worry about though. Alice Brandon could never hold a candle to her, never.

We finish eating and goofing off with each other. It's really one of the best nights I've ever had and I'm reluctant for it to end.

I know though, after we've been sitting there for an hour laughing and talking, that I need to get her home. I'm sure she has homework and I don't want her dad to worry. Plus I know that my mom is probably beside herself right now. She's going to drill me as soon as I come in; wanting to here all about how today went with Bella. I can't wait to tell her either.

Garrett and I pay, without too much complaint from Bella and Kate. Though, Bella did try to convince me to let her at least pay for her part. Not a chance.

I grab her hand and help her out of the booth, keeping her tucked into my side until we get to Sally again. We say goodbye to Kate and Garrett and hop into my old truck.

I'm a bit sad about our day being over. I wish we could spend more time together, but I know we both have other priorities and it is a school night.

The drive is filled with simple getting to know you conversations. I want to ask so much. I want to delve deeper and even ask her plans after graduation, but something holds me back. Something tells me now is not the time for heavier conversations and something tells me I'm not ready to know what her plans are, because I know they will be different from mine.

I squeeze her hand tighter at the thought and she surprises me again by bringing our hands up and kissing them. It's sweet and tender and makes me want to do things that are not so sweet and tender to her, just from the feel of her soft lips.

I want to kiss her so badly it almost hurts. Well, it does hurt in places. We're just about to her house and I've gone quiet again, trying to rationalize whether or not it'd be smart to kiss her, whether she's ready for it or not.

She seems nervous too though, because she's just as silent, stealing glances at me before she looks away and out the window.

I pull into her drive a few moments later and put it in park. We talk for a minute about meaningless things before she reaches for the handle to get out. I stop her and run out to open it for her, helping her down once again from Sally.

I take her hand in mine and walk her to her door. My hands are sweaty and I know she can feel them. I want to pull away and wipe them on my pants or something, but I don't want to draw any more attention to them.

We reach her doorstep and my heart is literally beating out of my chest.

_It's too soon, _my head says. 

_She'll run away_.

But my heart and another part want more.

But, does she?

I shake my head as she reaches for the doorknob. I stop her, pulling her closer to me and envelope her in a hug. She reaches her arms around me and squeezes me tight. I'm lost in her, in this moment. I don't want to leave her and I just want to feel her soft lips pressed to mine for just a second.

I can do this, I shouldn't but I really want to. I pull away, just slightly, to look at her face. She looks happy, but nervous.

Is she scared of this? Of me?

I should just stop this. I should just give her another good squeeze and let her walk into her house. I need to think about her, not me and what I want.

I look into her eyes and they look slightly afraid, but also almost pleading. But what for? For me to kiss her or for me not to rush this?

I don't' have too much time to think about it, because she leans a little closer to me. I feel her breath on my face.

She surprises me then when her sweet soft lips just barely graze mine. I'm lost. I'm hers and this is the best feeling I've ever felt. I pull her closer and press my lips more firmly to hers cupping her face as I do. I'm cautious though, not wanting to push too hard too fast.

She's kissing me back and it's sweet and tender. I'm trying my hardest to keep it that way too. I'm not sure how long we kiss, but I know that I don't want to stop.

She places a few soft pecks on my lips before looking into my eyes once again. She's back to being shy, but now I know better. She's the brave one here, not me. She did what I wanted, but couldn't do and I'm so thankful she did.

I'm smiling back at her, the happiest I've ever been. My smile so wide it literally hurts my face.

"So," Yeah, that's all my brain would allow me to say.

"So," she giggles.

"That was nice, well more than nice. That was, well that was... Wow! Thank you." Yeah, that's better.

She grins wide up at me. "Yeah, I think wow was a nice way of putting it." She gets shy on me again and looks down at the doorstep.

I pull her eyes up to mine once again. "Hey, don't do that. I want to see that pretty smile of yours."

She nods and licks her lips. I lick mine too and lean in to offer one last gentle kiss and then pull away, reluctantly.

"Well, I guess I should go in now. Charlie's probably wondering what I'm doing out here." She giggles again and it goes straight to my heart. I'm falling fast for her.

I pick up her hand, and kiss it before pulling away and walking backwards. Her hands on the doorknob and I'm walking to my truck, keeping my eyes on her.

"So, I'll see you tomorrow? Sally and I will be here bright and early to pick you up."

She nods and smiles before waving and walking into her house.

The smile on my face doesn't leave the whole ride home as I relive the feel of her lips on mine.

Before I reach my drive a text comes through and I'm excited to see my phone lit up with her name.

_ You were right..._

I stare at it perplexed. _What am I right about?_ I don't' have to wait long for the answer though.

_You're a fantastic kisser!_

I fist pump and can't help but think about whether or not she'll let me steal a kiss before school in the morning.

**A/N I really hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I'm nervous about it.**

**Thanks so much for reading! **


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to the brilliant Stephenie Meyer.**

**I appreciate your alerts, faves, and reviews so much. You guys are the best ever!**

**Just a Kiss Goodnight**

**Chapter 17**

I float up to my room, literally on cloud nine, yes literally. I think Charlie said goodnight, but I can't be sure. I'm in a bubble and I'm not ready for anyone to burst that just yet. I open my door to my room and flop down on my bed with a dreamy sigh.

Tonight was nothing short of perfect, though I'd be lying if I said I didn't shock myself by what I did out there just a few short moments ago. Oh my word, I kissed Edward Cullen. I kissed the quarterback of Brilliant. This is too crazy for even my brain to process.

I touch my lips reliving the moment I pressed my lips to his soft ones. I never knew a boys lips could be so soft. Jasper's, though back in middle school, were chapped but slippery. I cringe at the horror of that first kiss account.

I lay back on my pillows and am just about to get lost in my day dream of this wonderful night, when an idea hits me. His words of being a great kisser sneak into my brain and I can't resist teasing and even encouraging him a little bit.

I grab my phone and type out a quick text to him. My grin is so wide as I clutch my phone tightly to my chest and wait for his response. I'm goofy and giggly and all together girly right now. I wouldn't trade this feeling for anything though.

He keeps me waiting for a good five minutes before he responds. I'm going to chalk it up to safe driving and not wanting to chance texting while driving. That thought makes me smile impossibly wider. He's adorable, simply adorable.

As my phone vibrates in my hands I dart up into a sitting position and click open the text. I squeal in delight and humor at his cuteness. I realize I need to tone it down a bit before Charlie comes up here and starts wondering what's going on. I love my dad, but I'm not ready to have _that_ conversation yet.

I read the text again and giggle more.

_I think I was wrong, you're the great kisser and it seems I could learn a few things from you. My lips are ready for more practice when yours are. –E_

My face heats up and feelings flood me that I've never really felt before. It's new and it's lovely and I never want it to go away. I can just picture his red hued ears as he typed this out to me.

I try to think of another witty response, but he beats me to it by calling.

I answer immediately with a smile in my voice.

"Hello, Edward."

"Bella, Hey, listen I just want to tell you that, well actually, I want to thank you for being the brave one tonight. Thank you for sharing that with me and spending time with me tonight. I had a blast."

And he's sweet too. I want to keep him. I realize I haven't answered him, when I hear his nervous chuckle over the phone.

"Oh, Sorry about that," I giggle. Yes, giggle, seems all I can do is giggle and sigh like the lovesick or likesick teenager I am now.

"I had a really great time tonight too Edward. I'm sorry if I was too forward, but to me, well it just felt right. You know?" Now, I doubt myself. Maybe I should've let him do that when he was ready to. I feel so lost on how to handle these situations and feelings.

He's quick to let me know otherwise though.

"What? You silly girl. Did you not just read my text and hear what I just said. I'm glad you kissed me. Thrilled actually! I'm sorry that I got too caught up in my head and didn't do it myself. I wanted to all night, really. I was just afraid it'd be too soon for you."

Too soon, too soon? Well maybe it was, but what do I know about these things and what constitutes standard first kiss time protocol.

"Honestly, Bella, I just don't want to scare you away. You just seem so-oh, I don't know, scared I guess. I just really, really like you."

I really, really like him too. He's right though, I'm terrified by all of this. I've created this monster of a wall around me and he's trying to get over it or hell maybe even crumble it all together. It's scary, to let him in. That doesn't mean I don't want to though. I just don't know how to, completely.

"Edward, I uh- I, well, you're right. I am scared of this and how to do this. I'm not your typical girly girl that has crushes, goes on dates and kisses boys, okay. I don't know how to do normal. I really don't. But, I know that I like you and I had a really good time tonight with you as well."

There, I said it. I can't believe I told him how I feel, but I did and it felt freeing, actually.

I can literally hear the smile in his voice as he answers me. "Would it make you feel better if I told you that I'm scared too and I'm not your typical guy and don't do any of those things either. This was a first for me too. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want there to be a second though."

I love that thought. Loved it. I want a second with him too. I lay back on my pillows all dreamy sighing girl again as I clutch the phone tighter to my ear, subconsciously trying to feel closer to him in some way.

My heart warming at his words and by the sound of his voice, I'm finding comfort and excitement at the same time.

I voice my appreciation to him, "I'd love a second too. I really would."

"Really?" He asks as if there was any doubt after tonight that I wasn't feeling something for him.

"Yeah, of course really." I play with a loose string on my comforter, trying to rid myself of this nervous energy.

"Awesome! This time though, um, well could it just be you and me?" He sounds so sheepish and he has no reason to be.

"I'd actually prefer it that way."

"Yeah, me too. I mean it might get awkward if Kate and Garrett are around while my lips are getting some practice from yours."

And this time, I'm blushing, all over, from his words and insinuations. I think I choke on air or something, because I can't speak after that.

"Bella, calm down, I'm only kidding. Well kind of. I mean I'm not gonna lie, I do hope we get to have some more practice. I love practice. They say practice makes perfect after all." His rambling is cute and effectively calms me down.

I realize though, that it's getting late and I still have homework to do. And as if on cue, my body reacts and I let out an embarrassingly loud yawn.

I hear Edward chuckle and I'm quick to apologize for my rudeness.

"No need to apologize sweet B, it's getting late. I'll see you in the morning bright and early. I promise no harassment from Sally too."

I giggle again and tell him goodnight and he whispers the same.

I hang up and I'm still giddy, giddy as all get out actually. Even though my body is tired in every way, I'm still keyed up, which is a good thing, because I still have a ton of Trig problems to work on.

-FNL-

I hear the loud engine of Sally as I'm coming down the stairs. I grab a pop tart and then think about it and grab two. I'm not sure if Edward's eaten and I'd hate to be rude and not have something to share with him.

Charlie gives me a questioning look as I grab my book bag and sling it over my shoulder. I give him a look of my own that lets him know that I'll happily clue him into to everything when I get home.

"Tonight over dinner, Dad. I promise." I give him a kiss on the cheek and head towards the door.

It's just about shut when I hear him say, "I'm gonna hold you to that kiddo." I can hear his laughter from the front porch.

I'm in for a long night for sure.

Edward greets me on the porch with my smile and a kiss on the cheek, which my new pervy brain starts thinking about our other kiss that we just shared here on this same porch last night.

I see his ears grow pink and I know he's remembering the same thing. His voice is huskier as he says, "Come on, Sally's waiting." He grabs my hand and my bag as we head towards his truck.

Once again, Mr. Chivalrous opens my door and helps me in. I'm beginning to really like this trait. It feels good to be taken care of for once.

He climbs in as well and turns down the music that was blaring. It was another classic rock love song. I'm beginning to think Mr. Cullen here is a sap. I grin at the thought.

He catches my grin and then clasps my hand with his, then gives me a sweet smile of his own. This guy gives me butterflies and I feel like they are about to carry me away from all of their fluttering.

We chat about everything and as we're pulling up to school he asks me about Friday night.

"So, um I know that we can't go out Friday night, because of the game. You are still coming right?" He's nervous and I just smile wider and nod my head yes, that I'll be there.

"Anyway, well I was wondering if you would um—if you would wear this. He reaches for his bag and unzips it, pulling out what looks to be an extra practice jersey, which proudly displays my new favorite number as well as his name across the back."

I gasp in surprise. I mean, I like him sure, but wearing his number, to his game, that's away. Well, that's like putting a bullseye on me. I'd be a walking target for Alice and her Whoreleaders for sure, not to mention the girls from the opposing team. I'm not so ignorant that I don't know that Edward's fairly famous in this small region of the state. He's that good at football.

Nausea settles into my belly as I think about that. _He's that good_. Of course he's that good. Everyone knows about him, he has scouts I'm sure. This just reiterates how little I know about Edward and his plans. I'm sure he's getting out of here though. He'd be foolish not to. My eyes open wide as I realize how whimsical I've been about all of this.

My head stands up and claps, as I've finally seen what it's been trying to show me all along. Edward will be leaving very, very soon. There will be no room for me in his future and I've just been kidding myself, well, since yesterday anyway, that this could ever be anything more than maybe a friendship.

I look up to him and he can see the tears forming in my eyes. He doesn't reach to wipe them away though. He just looks as crushed as I feel.

He takes the jersey and throws it back into his bag. He doesn't look at me again as he climbs out of his truck. He sticks to his manners though and comes around to help me out once again.

I let him, allowing myself to enjoy what could be my final sweet moment with him. If I let myself get any closer to him this year, I'll be the one with the broken heart. Honestly, it's been broken enough in my lifetime. I don't know that I could handle it shattering completely if I let myself get close, only to lose him in a few months.

Tears are pouring down my face and he just holds me to him, as tightly as possible. I cling to him and hold him just the same.

"Don't do this Sweet B. Don't do this. I can see it on your face. I can see that you're pulling away before we even begin. Talk to me. Please!" His voice breaks as if he's near tears as well.

I reach for his door handle, wanting to get back inside the safety net that is Sally and shield us from the prying eyes of our classmates for just a moment.

He catches on and helps me inside and climbs back in as well, pulling me close to him.

"Sweet B, will you…will you go somewhere with me today? Forget school for a little bit, please." He's desperate and so am I. We need to talk that much is certain.

I nod and he kisses my temple and slides back over, putting Sally in reverse and driving us away from the school.

I'm trying desperately to put my walls back up, so that when we do talk, I can do so without breaking down. I'll be strong when I tell him that this, us, can't happen.

I'll be strong.

**A/N: Yeah, I had no idea that this is where this chapter was going. Um, yeah, that's all I can say. Oh and trust me and Edward, please. **

**I'm blaming this chapter on Bnjwl. If you aren't reading her fic Metal Point, well you're missing out. It's breaking my heart in the most beautiful way. Love this story, but it sure is angsty.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to the brilliant Stephenie Meyer.**

**I appreciate your alerts, faves, and reviews so much. You guys are the best ever!**

**Don't You Want to Stay**

**Chapter 18**

I know what she's doing and I knew it the second that the look formed on her face. The look that said she was scared and unsure. The look that told me that the wall was back up with an extra layer of bricks covering it entirely. I have my work cut out for me, but I'm not letting her run from this, from us. Last night was one of the best of my life and I really thought Bella was coming around.

I'm really not sure what happened between the drive to school and me asking her to wear my jersey Friday night, but I feel like kicking myself for even bringing it up now. I chance a glance over at her and she is stiff and practically glued to the window and as far away from me as possible. It hurts my heart and I hate that I've made her feel this way, that I've made her close up once again and get lost in her head instead of talking to me.

That's why I'm driving us to my favorite spot, a little place out in the woods that my dad and I found while out hiking behind my house one day, back when he was still my hero. I shake my head to rid it of thoughts of the bastard and continue focusing on how I can get Bella back to talking and wanting to be with me.

She was so brave last night and now, because of my stupid damn jersey that I pushed on her way too soon, she's back to shutting me out. I'm gonna get her back though. I'll just have to figure out how to woo her. I've never wooed before, but there's a first time for everything.

A few moments later, we are pulling up to my house. I can tell she's nervous, as she quickly darts her eyes in my direction. It's then that it clicks, what she thinks my intentions are. I should know by now that she's still untrusting and unsure, no matter what she says and does.

I grab her hand and she thankfully doesn't pull away. I place a kiss on it and look her straight in the eyes. "Trust me, Sweet B. I wanna take you to my favorite spot, so we can talk. I've never shown anyone this place, but you're… well you're special and I trust you implicitly."

She offers a placating smile and makes her way to get out. I let her this time, not wanting to push her too far or make her uncomfortable by opening her door for her again. Plus, I think we both could use a few extra seconds in our thoughts.

I make my way to meet her in front of Sally and take her hand once more.

"It's not too far out here, but it'd probably be better if you hold my hand. I'm afraid I might need your help if I trip and fall." I chuckle and tease, trying to lighten the situation and she offers me a real smile this time, though it doesn't quite reach her eyes.

We walk for a few minutes, letting the sounds of the forest be our cadence in our impending misery. Well, I hope it won't be in misery, but I know this is going to be a difficult battle with her. Trying to get her to open up, let me in and let me stay there, to trust me with her heart.

As we get closer to the spot, my palms start sweating and it's not from the Alabama heat either. I'm nervous as all get out about how to approach this and how to make her see I'm for real and I'm crazy about her.

She's surer on her feet than I gave her credit for and sure enough, she's helping me as I stumble along through the thick forest of pine trees. She even laughs a few times and it's music to my ears. If only I could keep her in a light mood.

Moments later, we arrive at the spot, a clear cut area out in the middle of nowhere with mother nature made chairs of stumps and tumbled over logs to sit on, the flowers are pretty much died off this time of year due to the hot summer we had.

I let her pull away for minute as she walks around, inspecting our surroundings. It's nothing special to most I'm sure, but to me, it's a spot created by God just for me and my thoughts. Now, it's for me and Bella.

I go and sit on my trusty stump and start pulling on some of the dead grass and ripping it to shreds in nervous anticipation. Her silence is killing me, but I know she'll speak when she's ready. I'll not scare her again today.

She stops a few moments later and looks at me with tears in her eyes. That's all it takes and I'm on my feet and walking towards her, intent on wiping away those tears. I'll happily be the one to wipe every single tear from her face from now until eternity, if she'll let me.

Even though we're young, so freaking you, something tells me that she's different, she's special, and I just know deep down in my soul that there will never be another quite like her. There will never be another that will make my heart react the way it does whenever she's around or when I'm thinking about her. She's suddenly become everything to me and that should be scary as hell for a guy my age, but right now in this moment, staring into her sad eyes, it's just…right.

I kiss her temple and she cries harder. "Sweet B, please talk to me. Tell me what happened back there at school. If it's about the jersey, I'll burn it so you'll never have to look at it again." And I would, I'd have a bonfire right here in our spot and watch it burn to ashes if it'd make her happy.

I hold her close and let her cry on my old faded plaid shirt, caressing her hair and her back in the process. I want to be everything for her. I just don't know how to make her see that. I don't know how to get her to stop pushing me away.

She sniffles a few more times then slowly pulls back and looks up at me with her red rimmed eyes. "Edward, I just can't. I mean we can't. I don't know how to do this and your leaving and-"

She starts the torrential downpour again and I try to shush her as I hold her to me. I'm also trying to make sense of what she just said. What does she mean by I'm leaving?

"Shh… Bella, what are you talking about sweet girl? I'm not going anywhere."

She just shakes her head against my shoulder. "No, not now, but you will. Everyone will leave me soon enough and chase after their dreams."

I don't even know where this is coming from. Then, suddenly I feel so foolish as it all begins to click. Why didn't I think about this before and factor in that our time could be limited?

"Sweet B, maybe we should talk about this then. If this is really bothering you." She pulls back again and I pull her with me towards a fallen log and plop down. I'd like to pull her down on my lap, so I could continue to hold her, but I think that would be a little forward of me.

"Okay, so tell me what's really going on, Bella. I want to know what's got you so upset."

She slides away from me a little bit and that stings, I'm not gonna lie. She fidgets with her fingers, looking anywhere but at me. "So, yeah I mean I know that you are awesome at football, hell, everyone in several counties over knows that. I know that you'll get an amazing scholarship to play football somewhere and I'm sure you have dreams to get as far away from Brilliant as possible."

I nod my head, but realize she's not looking at me. "Um-yeah, there are scouts coming to my games this year, but I don't have anywhere definite in mind. The plan has always been to get out of here though. Hell, I thought everyone wanted to do that after they graduate."

This just makes her cry harder and I'm so confused. I mean, doesn't she have the same plans? Maybe we could apply to some of the same schools or schools that are within driving distance of each other anyway.

I'm so not sure how to handle her breakdown right now. It's really becoming obvious how ill prepared I am to handle girls and their emotions at all. I mean, I don't know what I've said that's made her so upset or what I can say to make it better. So, I just sit there and let her cry, wanting to hold her, but feeling like she wouldn't welcome that right now. I just sit like a knot on a log instead.

She finally looks at me and wipes her tears away and my heart feels as if it's breaking seeing her this way. I never want to make her cry or upset her like this.

"I'm sorry, I'm such a mess. I just- well, you're wrong Edward." This confuses me and she can tell.

"You're wrong. Not everyone will be leaving or wants to leave this town. I'm not leaving Edward. My life is here, in Brilliant and it always will be."

I'm not buying this. I don't' think she'd be this upset over this if a part of her didn't want to fulfill her dreams outside of this town as well.

"Bella, forgive me for saying this, but I call bullshit." I know that wasn't the most thoughtful thing to say right now, but maybe she needs a dose of reality, harsh reality even.

Just as I expect, she gets defensive and stands up and starts pacing around the small clear cut forest.

She's no longer crying at least, all I see now is anger. I think anger could lead to passion though, so I just let her stew. I'm not going to pacify her this time. She needs to deal with this, whatever this is, that's making her so upset.

"You don't know shit, Edward. You hardly even know me. We had one fun night in all of the years that we've known each other, one night. That doesn't constitute you being able to judge or label me as you'd like."

Oh, she's fuming now and I'm just going to sit here and take it. I'm not losing her over this. I'm just not.

I sit still on the log and lock eyes with her. "Why don't you tell me what this is really about. Why you're really upset, Bella."

I don't' expect her to open up. I expect that I've pushed her too far and she's going to close up and run. She surprises me though.

She storms her way back over to me and stops dead in front of me. Her finger is wagging in my face as she says, "Because I made a promise Edward. I made a promise to my mother before she died that I'd stay here, that I'd always take care of my dad, because she wouldn't be here to do it. So, I have to stay. I have to stay in this godforsaken town and give up my dreams and my plans and be a permanent caretaker to the one person that has never abandoned me. I owe it to him, well to both of them actually."

I don't know what to say. I don't even know how to process all that she's just told me. I'm for once speechless at the worst moment in my life to be so.

She mistakes my quietness for something else and storms off. I know not to be an idiot twice and I chase after her. She's just made it to the edge of the opening when I lightly grab her by the arm and turn her around, pulling her into the tightest embrace imaginable and once again she sinks into me.

Seconds later though, she's pounding on my chest. "It's not fair! It's not freaking fair, Edward!" I let her beat me up, acting as her own punching bag and let her get out all of her hurt, frustration and sadness. I'm taking them from her in the only way I know possible.

She gives up and slumps down onto me and I lower us to the cool ground, never relinquishing my grip on her.

"Oh, Sweet B. I'm so sorry, sweet girl. I'm so sorry." And I am. No one our age should have this much burden and responsibility placed on their shoulders. I wish I knew how to make her see that she's not responsible to Charlie and she damn sure shouldn't have to give up her dreams. I don't think that's what her mother meant.

I don't know how to make her see this, to understand this, but I know someone that will. Someone that always helps me and someone that could be just what she needs right now.

"Sweet B, can I ask you again to trust me?" I want to take you one more place today, okay?" She gives me a halfhearted nod and I kiss her forehead once more, praying that this person will be the one to get through to her.

**A/N: Thanks so much for reading. There probably won't be an update next week, because I'll be on spring break with my family. I'll try though.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to the brilliant Stephenie Meyer.**

**I appreciate your alerts, faves, and reviews so much. You guys are the best ever!**

**A Mother's Love**

**Chapter 19**

I broke down and told Edward my fears. I was so upset and so angry. I couldn't hold it in any longer. 

_What did he do?_

He took it and he held me, comforted me even. Now, now he wants me to trust him and of course I do. If a man is going to sit by and hold you why you are haunted by your demons. If a man will rock you and kiss you as you cry on his shoulder, then why wouldn't I trust him?

He starts to lead us away from his sanctuary and I pray that he'll bring me back here one day before he leaves. I know it's inevitable that he'll leave. I know it and I'm past the point of caring and fighting him. He has my heart now in just this short time, he already owns it. He's going to break into a million pieces when he leaves, but I'll deal with it. I've dealt with pain and loss far greater than that. At least he'll still be somewhere living his life like he should and following his dreams. I care about him enough to want that for him and not hold him back.

So, when the time comes for him to leave and me to be left behind, I'll let him go with a hug and a kiss and a smile on my face just for him. I'm not foolish to think that he'll come back to me. I know that the chances of us staying together are slim to none, but for now I can hold his hand and enjoy his kisses and the comfort he brings. And when I'm older, I can look back on it and smile for the good things we had and the feelings that he brought about that I'm not sure any other man will ever be able to replace.

He holds my hand tightly in his, but I have a sudden urge to stop him. I'm not sure where we're going, but I know that our alone time is about to be up and I just need another minute with him, without interruptions.

I tug on his hand and stop walking. He notices right away and turns and gives me a curious look. I just smile a real smile at him and he walks over to me immediately and holds me in his arms. I grasp him so tightly in my own, enjoying his boy smell and the softness of his hair as it lightly tickles my nose and face.

He pulls back and looks at me with awe and wonder. No boy has ever looked at me like that before. Like I'm special and maybe to him I am. I'm starting to believe that anyway. He slowly inches toward my face and I let him, holding still and do as he will with me.

He kisses each of my swollen eyes, my forehead, my cheeks and so lightly my lips. I again become the aggressive one and plant mine more firmly to his. I don't deserve his kindness, but I'm too greedy to care right now. I'm going to take and take and take until he tells me to stop.

He's kissing me with abandon and it's so different from last time. Maybe he realizes our time is short too and he's taking all he can from me as well. I let him.

His tongue slides along my lips, seeking entrance and I happily oblige, letting him caress his with my own in a tender dance of passion.

His arms are now sliding up and down my hips and I don't even flinch as they find their way to my butt. I might've moaned even, enjoying his lips and tongue too much to worry if this is too much too soon. I just grip his hair in my hands as he grips my behind tighter.

Moments later we pull apart panting, resting our foreheads against each other and offer sheepish smiles. There was nothing sheepish about what we just did though. He places a few more soft pecks against my lips, smiling as he does and my smile must be matching.

I'm feeling lighter, but I know the future will always be looming over us. He grabs my hand once again looking straight into my eyes as he says, "That was amazing. Every kiss with you is amazing, Sweet B." I grin at him in return, but the worry is slowly making its way back.

"I can see you, you know. You can't hide your fears and worry from me. It's written all over your beautiful face. Can you trust me that it's all gonna be alright?" I nod, but deep down my fears are still there. I trust him, but I don't think it'll all be alright in the end. How can it?

He tugs my hand in his, placing a sweet kiss on it as he starts to pull me along through the forest once again. "Come on, like I said, I know someone that I think can help us."

It only takes us a few short moments before we are staring at the back of his house. Our fortress of solitude in the quiet forest gone and our future looming ahead of us.

We make our way to the front of his house and it dawns on me where we're going and just exactly _who_ I'm about to meet. I've seen her thousands of times before over the years and carried on polite conversations with her, but this is different. I'm meeting her as a broken girl in deep _like _with her son. _Will she judge me or think different of me now?_

I'm suddenly scared for a whole other reason. Edward turns and notices my hesitance and stops just outside the front door. "What is it Sweet B?"

How do I tell him that I'm now afraid to officially meet his mother as his… as his… as his whatever we are. That just brings on all new worries, because I don't even know what we are.

He pulls my chin up to make direct eye contact with his. "Wanna tell me what's causing the furrow in that brow of yours right now?" I shake my head no, because I'm being such a girl right now and don't know how to deal with these new insecure thoughts and feelings.

What do I want Edward to be? My boyfriend… my friend… my friend with benefits? Definitely no to the last one. I do want him to be my friend and he is, but he's more now. I don't go around kissing guys, ever, so maybe he is my boyfriend. That word scares the mess out of me though.

I really don't want to have the relationship talk right before I meet his mom either. That's a little too much for one day, I think.

He stares at me a minute longer and sighs as he opens the door and ushers us in. The house smells like a home with its fresh baked bread smell and some sort of sweet desert wafting through the house. It brings me to tears once more, because I ache for my mom. I miss the sweet smells that she brought to our house. I miss making brownies with her and licking the spoon. That was always my favorite part.

Edward wipes away my tears and I hate that I was so lost in my own head, that I didn't even hear him turn around and face me. I really don't know how I can make it through this meeting of the mother. Why did he bring me here and why does he think she'll be able to help? It hurts so much, too much and I just want to turn and run out the door and never come back.

I look up at Edward, really look at him and I know that I can't. I know that I told him I would trust him and I do. I need to do this, he's been so kind. I can meet his mom and hear what they both have to say. I can be brave.

I offer a timid smile and let him lead me into the sweet smelling kitchen. As we approach, I see Esme, standing over the stove, looking at the timer. Clearly she's lost in her head and wasn't expecting anyone to be home for hours. We're still supposed to be in school and I haven't the slightest idea how late in the day it is.

She turns around after Edward clears his throat and startles her. He chuckles and I can't help but grin. Esme removes her hand from her heart and giggles at her son, before turning serious, once she realizes that we are both standing there in her kitchen when we should be sitting in a classroom.

"Hey guys, mind telling me what you're doing here in the middle of the day?" She gives a kind smile my way and I can't help but feel comforted in her presence.

_What is it about these two?_ It's like they have some sort of voodoo calming magic over me.

I smile back at her and then quickly dart my eyes away from her curious gaze. Edward wraps his arm around my waist and answers his mother. "Mom, I'd like you to meet my girlfriend, Bella."

I'm not sure what's said after that, because I'm too busy focusing on the word girlfriend. I'm his girlfriend. Edward Cullen, quarterback of Brilliant High School football team's girlfriend. Did I want to be his girlfriend? Did I like the sound of it? I tossed it around in my head for a minute and even tried out, "this is my boyfriend, Edward."

Yeah, I think I do like the sound of it. Yes, it's terrifying, because I've never been someone's girlfriend before, but I'm excited that I'm Edward's and that he's my first boyfriend.

I look over at him and give him that special smile reserved just for him. I feel all warm and fuzzy inside and it's not unpleasant in the least. Edward is all flushed as well, I can tell by the pinkness of his ears. He really is adorable.

I zone back in on the conversation and hear him retelling some of the things we spoke about in the forest. I at once feel panicked. It's not that I care for her knowing exactly, but what will she think of me now? Will she think I'm just a big baby?

She breaks through my panic as she says. "Edward, why don't you go check out the shower? It was acting up this morning and I was hoping you could look at it this evening, but since you're here early, you might as well look at it now."

He quickly looks to me with panic and then to his mom. Whatever he saw there must have convinced him, I'd be fine, because he places another kiss on my temple and walks out of the room. Leaving me alone with my boyfriend's mother for the first time.

She must see the slight fear in my eyes, because she wraps her arm around my shoulder, cautiously as if to gauge my reaction. I don't flinch, though I want to. It's too motherly and my heart is once again aching at the memory of my mother doing this countless times before.

"Oh Bella, it's okay you know. It's okay to be sad and be scared." I look at her with tears in my eyes, wondering how she can know how I'm feeling.

She ushers us to the small round wooden table in the center of the room. "Did Edward tell you that I lost my mother when I was in high school?" I shake my head as the tears fall freely down my face.

"Well, I didn't figure he did. Anyway, yes, I did and it was horrible. I never thought I'd get over the pain and anger of losing her."

I chance a glance up at her, because I've felt that way for so long. She offers an empathetic smile and continues. "Like I said, I was so angry at her for leaving me and my father. Not that it was her fault of course. It was a heart attack that took her. She was as healthy as a horse and we just couldn't understand why it happened."

She wrings her hands as she tells the story and I keep my eyes focused on the salt and pepper shaker, letting her get through her story, knowing I might have to share mine as well.

"So, after she died, I knew what my role was. I was old enough to know that I had to be the one to take care of my dad. He just all but gave up after she passed and I think maybe I did the same thing. I had dreams, big dreams of going to college and becoming a teacher. I loved children, but after she passed-" She pauses and sighs and I look up into her eyes for a moment, seeing the sadness and regret behind her forest greens.

"After she passed, you just couldn't leave him, could you?" I finished for her. She knew who I was talking about and I knew all too well what really happened now.

She wiped away her one lone tear and nodded. "So, you see Bella, I think I understand what's going on with you, more than you know and can I be honest with you?"

I just nod for her to continue, focusing on her sweet face. "Don't do it. Don't give up on your dreams. As a mother now, I can honestly say that I would never wish that for my child. Never. I don't think your mother and even more so, your father would ever wish that for you."

She's right of course, but she doesn't know one thing, one key thing.

"Yes, but I made a promise to her that day she slipped away. I promised her that I would always take care of him. It's my job you see and I can't- I can't break that promise." I'm snotting and sobbing all over myself as I feel a gentle hand on my shoulder and a soft tissue being placed in front of me.

I wipe my face and let the tears fall and then I'm being enveloped in the soft warm arms that only a mother can provide and I greedily take what comfort I can from them. Her sweet smell, so much like my mother's that I literally ache from head to toe in mourning over my long since passed mother.

Esme coos and shushes me as she gently rocks us back and forth in a soothing manner. I've forgotten how tired I get from crying my eyes out, but I'm suddenly exhausted as she pulls away to help wipe away the last remaining tears from my red splotchy face.

"Now listen Bella, I think maybe it's time to talk to your dad about this. Does he know about the promise?" I shake my head no.

"Well then, maybe he should. He probably expects that you'll be leaving in the fall just like the rest of the kids in the neighborhood. Imagine how heartbroken he'd be if he knew that you weren't even considering college, and all because of him. Do you think he'd want that for you, Bella?"

And the truth is I don't know. I don't know what he wants for me, because I've never had to give it any thought. But, I also don't know if I can break that promise to my mother.

I'm silent and she lets me be, she obviously understands more than I ever thought possible.

"You look exhausted honey, why don't you go on up to Edward's room and lay down for bit. I can call your dad and let him know you're here if you want."

I nod once again, feeling like a bobble head from all of the nodding I've been doing, but I'm too tired and choked up to speak.

I stand up to head towards his room, but I have no idea where it is.

"It's right down that way dear." I say thank you and start to turn from the room only to stop in my tracks second later when I hear her voice again.

"Oh and Bella dear..." I turn to face her. "Don't end up like me. Promises are sometimes made to be broken and I- Well I don't think that's what she meant when she made you promise to take care of your dad. Just, please think about it honey."

I choke up again as turn and walk away toward the safety of Edward's room. I just hope his comforting smell will envelope me and soothe me enough to fall asleep.

I open the door and I'm shocked to see him lying on his bed, a ball of nerves as if waiting on me. He takes in my red tear stained face and glassy eyes, then pats the bed beside him. I waste no time, crawling in and finding solace in his arms as he wraps them around me and places me delicately against his warm chest.

He hums a sweet tune and what feels like seconds later, I'm fast asleep.

**A/N: Thanks for reading. I was a little nervous about getting the emotions right in this chapter. I hope you guys enjoy it.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to S. Meyer.**

**A/N: Hey all! Let me first apologize for the long wait for this update. I started a new job a month ago and took a summer course. I finally found some free time and couldn't wait to get back to this story. Hope you enjoy it.**

**My Boy**

**Chapter 20**

I awake what feels like hours later to the sweet smells of fresh baked chocolate chip cookies mixed with the delicious boy scent that is all Edward. I'm all warm and snuggly under his thick red and tan plaid comforter and strong arms that spend hours a day throwing a football and lifting weights, are wrapped comfortably around me, cocooning me in a safe and homey embrace.

That's how I feel here with Edward, his mom and the smell of sweet chocolate morsels combined with rich butter. My mouth starts watering just thinking about the gooey delicious treat. I might have been drooling too, though that could be attributed to the nice long nap I took.

I wipe my mouth before he wakes up, making sure I don't have any wet sleep residue on my face. I'm all clear though as the back of my hand rubs against my face and comes back dry. I'm thankful I haven't embarrassed myself further today by slobbering all over Edward and his pillow in my little nap coma.

I feel him shift behind me and I roll over snuggling close to him once more, eyes facing his waiting for them to open and realization to dawn on him that we just slept together… in a sense. It was perfect too, all twisted legs and close bodies melding as one safe bubble under the thick down comforter of plaid and golden sheets.

I watch silently as his long lashes flutter once, twice and then open to meet my observing gaze. He smiles that beautiful boyish smile of his that makes me all fluttering and gooey on the inside, kind of like those chocolate chip cookies I smell coming from the kitchen.

I don't know what I expect him to say or do when he awoke, but it certainly isn't this. "Mmm…mmm is that homemade cookies I smell?"

I hit him playfully with the pillow I pulled from under my head, before rolling my eyes at him in mock annoyance. Of all of the things he could have said when he opened his eyes and saw me there in his arms, he talks about cookies. Yeah, he's a total boy for sure, food first, everything else second.

I laugh at the thought of my boy's silly thoughts and words. Then I freeze and let out an audible gasp. Did I just think _my boy_?

Edward's grin morphs into a frown of concern as he sees the quick change in my playful demeanor. "Bella, what's wrong? I was just kidding about the cookies. I mean kind of. I mean, you know I'm excited to wake up to your beautiful face staring back at me, right?"

I can't worry about his word fumbling at the moment; I'm having a minor freak out or maybe an epiphany of sorts. Yeah, that's more like it. My subconscious must be smarter than I, if she realizes that Edward is my boy. _My Edward._ The thought scared me just a few days ago, heck even just a few hours ago, I was pushing him away in the school parking lot at the thought of laying any sort of claim to Edward Cullen, but now, after this day we've had together. After he took me here to his home and to chat with his mom, comforted me as I cried, wiped away my tears and made me feel like I'm the only girl in his world aside from his mama, well that-changed things.

My look of shock changes quickly to one of elation and Edward's changes to confusion right in front of me. Our emotions are running amuck today and would even give a person with a mood disorder a headache.

Edward stares at me a few seconds longer as he brushes some wayward hair from my face, oh so delicately. "Mind telling me what just happened here Sweet B? One minute you look terrified and the next, you're smiling like you just got the last of my mama's famous cookies in there."

He smiles so sweetly at me, always so patient with me and allowing me to work through my feelings, never running from me, like he might ought to.

I grab his hand that is now cradling my face in reverence and give his palm a kiss. His twinkling green eyes and his oh so handsome smirk cover his face and just reiterate my feelings for him.

I take his hand and place it in between us and give it a good squeeze. "Well, I was just thinking about you and today and everything that we've been through in the past few days and my subconscious chose that moment to let two words slip through my mind that caught me slightly off-guard."

I cast my eyes from his for a moment, suddenly embarrassed by his too intense gaze and what he might think of my next words.

He won't have it though, because he gently lifts my eyes back to his and I continue. "Anyway, well its silly really… well maybe not silly. Okay, not silly at all, but well—in my head, I called you…my boy.

He's smiling brighter than a full moon on a dark night, so I feel encouraged to continue. I can do this. I can open up to this beautiful boy in front of me and let him know that he's mine… well for now anyway. We'll worry about the leaving part later, much, much later.

"So, I might've freaked a little at first, because I've never felt like laying claim to someone or calling them mine. Possession over a person has never really interested me, but with you, well, let's just say my head and my heart might be in agreement for once and they are both telling me that…"

As I'm about to lay all of my cards out there for him to either pick up and compile a full house or discard into a mess for someone else to clean up, he whispers so quietly, his face suddenly right in front of mine and I can smell his sleep sweet breath as I'm sure he can smell my own and it just makes sense, his breath and mine being one. Us, being an us, but I let him speak up and voice his thoughts before I continue.

"What Sweet B? What we're they telling you?" He's so close, so so close and I just want to lightly push my lips to his, until he pushes back not so lightly and lose myself in him and his sweet sweet kisses. But, I need to get this out first.

I take a deep breath, pulling in more of his sleepy breath as I do. "They are telling me to take your stupid blue jersey, and wear it to your ball game on Friday night, letting all of Brilliant and the opposing team know that you, Mr. Cullen, are now my boy."

He kisses me then, all hard and full of excitement. He nips at my bottom lip with his teeth and I whimper. This kiss is so different from our other two. It makes me feel different too, like all loosy goosy and wanton even, but if kissing my boy like this is wrong, then heaven help me, I don't ever want to be right.

As our tongues slow and our lips pull apart gasping for air, we smile silly puppy love smiles at each other. Edward catches his breath first and says, "So, does this mean you're officially my girl now?"

Yes, I gush and goo internally at the sound of _my girl_ falling from his just kissed lips. Then I hear Edward humming a tune and I can't help but let my little giggles become full-fledged chuckles as I recognize the tune to "My Girl," and just like that we have a song too.

Our little laughter love fest is broken up as Esme knocks on the door and slowly opens it. She's all bright mom smiles and happiness as she sees our forlorn feelings from earlier have long since passed and are replaced by cheeky grins and warm chuckles.

This turned out to be a pretty great day and a few minutes later as we are sitting around their small round dining table eating warm cookies and cold milk, it just got even better.

All too soon with chocolate gooey warm bellies and matching summer sun smiles, Edward is taking me home and then trepidation kicks in again with each gravely rock we get closer to my house down my old dirt road. I know it's time to have a talk with my dad. I know I need to open up to him and tell him my future plans based on the promise I made to my mom. I'm sure Esme is right and that he'll be disappointed and upset that I would even think about staying behind, but I still have a breaking heart at the thought of going against my mother's dying wish for me to fulfill.

I stare out the window as my hands pull from Edward's so I can wring them in nervous energy. He doesn't pout or put up a fuss. He just somehow understands that I need this; I need to be lost in my head. I need to be able to stare out the window watching the pine trees and dirt road rush past me as I think of a way to talk to my dad. It's a conversation I never wanted to have, but now know that I need to, have to even.

Edward pulls into my drive and puts Sally in park, turns to me and pulls me close to him in the old bucket seat. I try to offer a smile, but know that it's more of a grimace.

He places a kiss on my forehead and breathes me in. "I know you're scared Bella and confused even, but it's going to be alright. You know your daddy loves you and only wants the best for you."

I nod and sniffle a little as I cling to his old flannel shirt, seeking just an ounce of comfort from him to take in with me for my impending conversation of possible doom and gloom.

He pulls me back just an inch and places his chocolate chip flavored lips to mine. We don't linger, just seek enough affection from the other to make it through the rest of the evening.

His worried eyes meet my once more and I kiss his cheek, then climb out as I say, "I'll be alright, Edward, but thank you for everything today."

He smiles my sweet boy smile. "Well that's what I do for my girl." I giggle and am so, so thankful for his ability to make me forget about everything, even if just for a second.

I wave bye and head inside to have a nice long overdue chat with my daddy. I take one last breath and push my way through the old wooden door.

I notice his work boots right by the door and smile, knowing that he's home already and probably waiting on me to cook supper, because he'd burn the whole house down if he even attempted to. I remember those early years after mom passed when he'd serve burnt dinner after burnt dinner, before he just gave up and started getting takeout or frozen pizzas for us. It's a good thing I enjoyed cooking and took an interest to it in my tweenage years. He was thankful too, I'm sure.

I look in the living room and notice he's not in his favorite old brown recliner, lost in a book. It's a little odd, but maybe he's in the shower or something, though I don't hear the water running. I don't panic, I'm sure he's here somewhere.

I start hollering his name as I walk from room to room and the worry rises as he doesn't respond. I go upstairs and yell his name and still no answer.

_No, big deal, Bella. He's probably out in the garage organizing again or something._

I quickly make my way out there and see that he's not out here either. I try to will myself not to panic. I try to rationalize everything before I allow myself to freak out. Okay, so his work boots are by the door, but he has an extra pair, so that doesn't mean a thing. His truck is parked right outside next to mine. He should've been home by now, but maybe something happened at the mine today and he had to work a little later. It's happened before, though he usually calls. And his truck being home doesn't necessarily mean anything. He catches a ride with Harry from time to time.

With that thought, I decide to give Harry a call to see what's going one, but before I can reach the first step to head inside the house, I see Harry's old black and red two toned Ford pulling up. I squint my eyes to the setting sun, looking to see if I can see that unmistakable mustache of his and disappointment and fear consume me as I notice that there is no passenger with Harry.

My eyes start filling with tears, before his truck is even in park. I know something isn't right. I just freaking know it. Harry wouldn't be here this time of day and with that expression on his face if he was just coming for a visit with Dad. No, something is most definitely wrong here.

I start shaking my head as Harry approaches me and I sink to the first wooden step and let my tears take over. Harry rushes toward me and reaches out to hold me. He's practically a second father to me anyway, and that horrific look on his face of pure devastation is enough to send me over the edge.

He chokes up as he tries to get the words out to tell me what happened, all the while rocking me in his arms and attempting to shush my caterwauling.

"Shh… shh… It's alright Bella. It's alright. There was-" He pauses as he thickly swallows and holds back his own tears. "an accident at the mine today."

That's the last thing I hear as my vision goes spotty with tiny black dots and relief in the form of darkness takes over my mind, as my body's coping mechanism takes over for me.

**A/N: So yeah, there's that. Hope you'll stick with me to find out the fate of Charlie.**

**Thanks so much for reading guys. It really means so much to me to know that you guys enjoy these characters as much as I do. I'll try to update in a week or less. **

**Happy Independence Day to those that celebrate! **


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to S. Meyer.**

**Thanks for all of the reviews you guys! You all totally blew me away with your support. Some of you cracked me up with your wishing for Charlie's demise. I get it, I do. **

**Let's see what happened…**

**Living on a Prayer**

**Chapter 21**

Billy quickly helps me up and continues to hold me as I cry. I notice his weather and age worn face is brimming with unshed tears as well. I need him to hold it together though, for me. I need someone to be strong for me right now, as selfish as that sounds. I don't have it in me to be strong, not when I have no clue how my father is doing. I only know that he was in a mining accident. That's enough to send me into a panic though. It's enough for me to know that it could be fatal, most coal mining accidents are. I know the statistics and the outlook is probably not so good for my dad. I just need to see him though. I just need to hear from the doctor that he's going to be okay.

He has to be okay.

He just has too.

Billy opens the door and helps me inside. He reaches into the glove compartment and pulls out some yellow Wendy's napkins and offers them to me as a tissue substitute. I wipe my eyes, but the effort is futile, because the tears continue to fall. I just let them. They burn and blur my vision like pure gasoline. That thought only makes me cry harder, as I'm sure some sort of methane gas was the cause of the explosion.

Once Billy is in, he puts the truck in drive and hastily reverses down the old gravel drive. He reaches for my hand and I let him hold it, let him support me in the only way he can now, because he can't save my Daddy, as much as both of us might want him too and wish he could, he just can't. So, I squeeze his rough warm hand and pray to the only one that can fix him. The only one who can make this situation all better and let me keep my daddy, my only remaining parent.

When that thought hits, the tears fall harder and I'm on the verge of passing out, because I'm now hysterical and hyperventilating.

He's my only parent, he's all I've got in this whole world and I just can't lose him.

I just can't.

_Dear God, please, please don't take my daddy too. I need him, so freaking much. I need his warm smile and quiet mind. I need his big comforting arms and his just right words. I need his knowledge and guidance. I need his acceptance of me and my future. I just need him. Please God, please don't take him from me too._

_Please, I love you. _

_In your precious name I pray,_

_Amen_

After my short prayer, I settle a little, the tears still pour from my eyes, but I can breathe, I can think clearer now and I know it's time to ask for the details. I take a deep breath and prepare myself for the worst.

"So, what happened?" My voice is cracky and croaky like a bull frog as I try to speak through my tears.

Billy takes his eyes from the road and glances my way. His kind red rimmed hazel eyes do their best to soothe me, but I see the worry and fear behind them. I'm not naive enough to think my daddy will just walk away from this accident unscathed and get to go home with me tonight. I know it's going to be bad. I just need to know how bad. I need to prepare myself, if one can really prepare themselves for something like this.

Billy sighs and turns his eyes back on the road, knowing that he won't be able to look me in the eyes as he gives me the blow by blow of what happened at the mine today.

His voice is somber, emotionless as he begins to tell me. "It was the damn methane." His voice gets thick, his ability to stay numb, proving to be impossible.

_How can someone be numb though, when describing something horrific about their best friend?_

I swallow thickly and nod for him to continue. I knew that methane was the likely cause, it typically is. We've been fortunate that it's not happened sooner.

"Anyway, me and the other guys went up top for lunch, but you know Charlie, he just can't stop until he finishes something." He chuckles, but it's without enthusiasm.

I know all too well what he means though. Like father like daughter. I hate starting a project, unless I know I can finish it.

"He was the only one down there, working away. I was mid-bit in my turkey and cheese sandwich, making lame ass jokes with the guys, when we hear it." He stops and I look up to the man that is like my second father.

I know this is hard for him, possibly the hardest thing he's ever had to do. The tears are now flowing freely down his tanned face and he makes no effort to wipe them away.

I give him all of the time he needs, letting more tears fall from my own eyes as well, the salty smell mixing with the timeworn leather and tobacco smell of his old two toned truck.

He composes himself and continues and I hold on tight to his hand and the 'oh shit' handle above my head, trying to remember to breathe.

"They think it was a faulty light he was using. The cord must've been bad on it or something and it created a spark. Damn fool knew better than to go using that light. He damn well knew better."

We're both sad and angry at my dad and it's with my newfound anger that I cling to as we pull into the hospital parking lot and make our way inside. I dry the tears from my face with the back of my sleeve, and then feel the vibration in my pocket.

I ignore my phone, not having time to mess with Kate, or even Edward right now. I have to know that my daddy is alright and once I can see with my own eyes that he is, then-well then I'll thank God and give Daddy a tongue lashing for being so foolish and not double checking all of his equipment beforehand. That was a rooky mistake and my dad is anything but a rookie in the mining industry.

We ask nurse at the front station for information on Dad and she directs us to the family conference room. The room where they send families for the doctor to come in and deliver the bad news. The room where they put you when they don't want you to have a breakdown, screaming, hysterical crying fit in front of all of the other patients and families. The one tiny room that will close up on you when they tell you something horrible has happened to your loved one or even worse, that your loved one is no longer with us, that they did all they could do and they're sorry, so very sorry.

They never look very sorry, well at least not on TV they don't. I've never been in one of these rooms before. With my mother, we knew what to expect and we were right there by her bedside, holding her hand when she went peacefully to be with the Lord.

I've never understood that expression, well always thought it wasn't fair anyway. I mean, the Lord lets them go peacefully, but we the family, are forced to stay here on earth and live in hell for months and years and mourn the loss of our loved ones. Never fully recovering, never fully moving on, and never, ever forgetting them and the state they were in when they left this world…_peacefully_.

I'm on autopilot as the nurse ushers us into the tiny box of a room, with no window, no cheery curtains or bright paintings. Just a small room with a wooden desk and a few chairs and of course a small blue box of tissues placed in the middle of said desk. They don't try to sugarcoat this room. They know it would be of no use. They know it's the room of doom and gloom, so why try to put up a façade?

Billy is holding my hand as the nurse leaves and we take a seat on the lightly cushioned blue chairs. We don't speak, we barely breathe as we wait for the doctor to take his precious time and come in to tell us the news.

A short while later, the door opens and I stop breathing. I start shaking and I just don't think I'm strong enough to do this a second time. I really don't think I can.

I feel Billy caressing my hand and suddenly I freak out about that and pull it away. There are only two people, two men that I want comfort from and neither are here. One for all I know could be lying dead in this hospital as we speak and the other, well- he doesn't even have a clue what's going on and I just can't deal with this right now. I really need my daddy. I really need to hear him tell me he's fine and that this is all a joke. I need him here to tease me about boys or one boy in particular. I need him to be okay.

I pull my knees to my chest and focus on breathing in and out in order to get through what the doctor is about to tell us.

He walks in with his white coat and red tie, carrying what I'm sure is my dad's file under his arm. His sandy blonde hair and light blue eyes, try their best to seem kind and compassionate, but I know this is just another case to him, just another nobody that got sent to his hospital for him to work on. I bet he doesn't even know his name without looking at his file. I hate doctors, their godlike complexes infuriate me and their mock compassion makes me want to punch them in the face.

I do my breathing exercising again that I learned in years of therapy when I was a younger child. They call it a coping skill, but I just see it as a calm- the crap –down-now –Bella- before- you -get -kicked out-of- the- hospital- without-answers, skill.

He takes his seat and opens his mouth, "Ms. Swan I presume."

_He needs to stop presuming and just resume with the information about my father._

I nod my head and bite my tongue in an effort to keep my composure.

He grabs a tissue from the box and offers it to me before he continues. This only heightens my fears, but I take it and start shredding it with my fingers.

"Ms. Swan, your father as you know was in a horrific explosion out at the mine today."

I try not to roll my eyes at him. I wish he would just spit it out already.

I sit up in my seat and cut him off. "Listen, doctor, just tell me is he- is he alive?"

I couldn't say dead, I could not allow those words to slip through my tightly pressed lips, so I chose the lesser of the two evils.

I see Billy lean up in his seat as well, as we wait on baited breath for the doctor to give us a freaking answer.

He leans forward as well and steeples his fingers under his chin. "Yes," He simply says and I let out an audible sigh of relief and let the tears fall once again.

He's alive and for now, for just this second anyway, that's enough.

I wipe away a tear and the doctor offers me another tissue. I don't ask for his name, because I really don't care. My father is alive and everything else is secondary and of non-importance in this moment.

I sniffle and compose myself enough to ask another question. "Can we see him?"

The doctor runs his hand through his hair as he leans back in his big black leather chair. "In just a moment Ms. Swan, but I must warn you, that his injuries are severe and his status is still very much critical. He is stable at the moment."

He's alive, but critical, so I'm not in the clear. I could still be an orphan. But for now, I send up another prayer of thanks and one more plea for God to let me keep him, for now, for forever if possible, because if I'm not nor can be my Daddy's little girl, then who am I and who will I be? I don't even want to contemplate that thought. I just want to see my daddy, that's all I want, to hold his hand and sweep his dark brown hair from his face. To see his silly mustache twitch from trying to hold back a grin at my goofy antics.

I hold up my hand to get the doctor to stop from going into the details. There will be time for that later, now I need to get to my daddy. He needs me and I need him.

"Can, you tell me or Harry all of that later, please. Right now I just want to see him."

He nods his head and makes his way to stand up and usher us out of the room and down the long hallway of patient rooms to door number 203. He stops and tries to warn us once more what to expect and that he's hardly recognizable. He reminds us to keep it quiet to let him rest, let his body try to heal and that he will give us ten minutes with him.

We both nod and I mouth a silent 'thank you' to the doctor as he makes his way out of the room. I turn to face my hero and try to stay strong for him as I scan him from head to toe. His face is black and marred with dirt, coal and ash. His body looks to be severally burned. He looks as if he is one giant white cast and my whole body shivers and aches as I look at the man lying in this bed and trying to find one part of him that is reminiscent of the strong man I know as my father.

This is too much. Nothing, not one thing, could've prepared me for seeing my dad look so frail, so broken, lying in this bed. The only sure way I know it's him is the dark brown mustache on his gas burned face.

I rush to him, trying to find a place to touch that won't possibly hurt him. "Oh Daddy!" I sob. I hold his bandaged hand, my touch feather light, not wanting to hurt his burns. I just look at him and cry, praying for strength to get through this, to be strong for him, in the way he was strong for me when Mama died.

Billy is all but forgotten as he stands stoically by the window and gives me time to be with my father. I know he's concerned for both of us and trying to be strong. I know Daddy would appreciate him taking care of me today.

All too soon the nurse comes in and ushers us out of the room. It's all I can do to tear myself away from him, to leave him lying there without a loved one. I know that he doesn't even know I'm there and I know that he needs his rest and that is the only reason, I allow Billy to lead me from the room. That's as far as I'll go. I won't be leaving this hospital without my dad.

Once we're back in the waiting room and I sit down on the hard floral couch, my phone vibrates again. I pull it out, knowing that I need to let Kate and Edward know what's going on. I'd be surprised if they haven't already heard, it being a small town and all and as they say, good and bad news travels fast.

"I see that I have two new text messages, both from Edward.

_Hey my girl. Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you and really enjoyed our day today. Can't wait to see you wearing my jersey Friday night. _

_XO- E_

If I didn't feel so emotionally drained right now and so shaken by these last few hours, I might've smiled, but all I can do is flip to the next message instead.

_Hey Sweet B, it's been a few hours and I haven't heard from you. You okay? Getting worried._

_XO- E_

It's clear in that moment that if I can't have one of my guys right now, holding me, I can sure have the other. I call Edward, knowing that I need him here with me, need his comfort; need his hugs and reassurance that this will all be okay.

I hit dial on my phone and wait for him to pick up. It rings only once before his soothing voice answers.

"Hey My Girl, I've been worried. What's going on?" And I lose it, right there on that old ratty floral couch with other families hovering nearby. I cry and beg him to come to me.

"I need you Edward."

I can hear the panic in his voice as he responds, "Where are you?" He doesn't waste time asking what's wrong, he just knows that I need him now, knows that he can ask questions later.

I cry louder into phone and hope that he can understand my choppy words as I tell him I'm at the hospital and make out the words 'my dad and accident.' I just need him to know that it's not me, ease his worry a little bit anyway, though mine is still very much elevated and will continue to be until Charlie goes from critical to just okay. I can deal with just okay, just okay means he'll survive, critical means there is still a chance he won't pull through this and I can't even fathom that.

I hear his deep panic breathes on the other end as he tries to control it and be strong for me. "Okay, Sweet B, I'll be there in five minutes. I'm coming… I'm here for you- always."

I just nod, knowing he can't see me and choke out a thank you before hanging up and clutching my knees to my chest once more as I rock myself and try to hold it together as best I can. Trying not to garner any more worried and empathetic glances my way from the other families suffering in this waiting room as well.

I just hope Edward gets here soon.

**A/N: Thanks so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It was pretty tough to write, having lost my own father (for all intents and purposes) a few years ago to heart failure. I was by his side and I assure you it is anything but peaceful watching a loved one go. If you've been through it, then my thoughts, prayers and hugs go out to you.**

**Until next time…**


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to S. Meyer.**

**Hold Me**

**Chapter 22**

Edward walks through the door less than ten minutes later and rushes to me. He scoops me up in his football strong arms and kisses my forehead over and over, telling me _he's here and it's all going to be okay. _

I want to believe him, I really do, but he didn't just see the strongest man I know lying broken, burned and in a coma like state in that hospital bed. As the pictures drift through my head of the sight of my daddy, just moments ago, fresh warm salty tears spill down my face and I don't even care that I'm causing a scene with my loud sobs.

I clutch on to Edward impossibly tighter and enjoy the softness of his well-worn, Brilliant High football t-shirt. He holds me and rocks me and that combined with his comforting arms and smell, soothe me enough to calm down and begin breathing normally once more. I pull back and offer a weak smile of thanks.

"Thank you for coming so quickly, Edward," I choke out as he finds a box of tissues on the old wooden table beside us. He takes one and dabs at the tears still rolling down my face, then takes my tear stained face in his big warm hands and kisses my forehead once more.

"Where else would I be, Sweet B?" His simple words are so sweet and sincere, that I find myself turning away from the intensity of his stare and he honesty of his words.

I like him, a lot, but my dad is possibly dying just a few feet away and I can't take Edward's perfect words and sugary sweet kindness right now. That's what my head says anyway, but my heart is selfish and just clings to him tighter as I bury my face in his chest and let silent tears fall.

A short while later, I hear the squeaking of tennis shoes approaching on the blue and white tiled floor and look up to find Esme standing over us with a sad smile on her pretty face.

"I'm sorry kiddos; I got here as soon as I could." She holds her arms out and whether they were intended for me or Edward, I don't care. Her words are all it takes and I leap into her arms. I guess I just need this. I need a parent's love, a hug that only a mother can offer in delicate arms that know just how to cradle you so perfectly.

Esme smells like warm apple pie and hard work and I cling to her like she's my second skin. She brushes my hair back over and over and says nothing as I tear stain her blue Wal-Mart smock. I feel a few of her tears fall as well, but I couldn't care less. She's exactly what I need in this moment I'm thankful to Edward for sharing her with me.

I snot and sniffle a while longer, before I feel strong and calm enough to sit up on my own. I wipe my face with another tissue and clutch Edward's hand tighter as I look to my left at Esme and begin telling her the afternoon's events and my dad's status. Edward sits to my right and rubs his sports rough calloused hands so gently against my own as if he could rub his strength right into me. I greedily take all that he gives me and then some as I recount the sight of my daddy to Esme.

Esme dabs her own eyes a few times with her slender fingers, then reaches for my left hand as we continue to wait. More and more people and co-workers of my dad's come into our private room, hoping to hear any bit of good news. I smile sadly at them, pathetically actually and get irrationally angry. Angry that he's the one lying in this hospital ICU fighting for his life and they are standing here in front of me with their pitying smiles and well wishes, knowing that after their polite twenty minutes, they can go home to their wives and kids and hot measl placed on the table. Daddy though, may never get to walk out of this hospital again; hell he might not even make it through the night.

I must've squeezed Edward's hand too tightly because he begins his soothing rubbing on my hands once more and pulls me closer to his warm body as I practically go into the fetal position when he pulls me into his lap seconds later. It still doesn't feel close enough. I don't feel strong enough to make it through this, to sit in this hospital worrying about my dad and whether I will lose my only remaining parent, my hero and my best friend tonight.

Life just isn't fair and although I know it's wrong, I can't help but be irrationally angry at God for allowing this to happen to me, for possibly taking my dad away so soon after he took my mother. I need him, I need him to pull through this and open up his same chocolate brown eyes as mine and smile through that thick moustache of his. More than anything I just want his warm arms around me, hugging me and comforting me as he's done time and time again through my life. But he's not, and it's time that I am strong for him, starting right this minute.

While I'm lost in my head and gaining my inner strength, I realize that it's visiting hours again. A few of his co-worker's including Harry are standing around, but I couldn't care less, I'll be selfish here and be taking all of the visitation time. They can just wait on Harry or me to relay his status when we come out.

I stand up, wipe my puffy red eyes once more, squeeze Edward's hand to tell him that I'm okay, or I will be, then I grab Harry's offered hand and follow him back to see my dad. Harry asks me if I'm okay before we walk in and I don't yet trust my voice to respond, so I just nod as we approach the door to his room. It's half open and the tears well up yet again as I see his near lifeless body in front of me. He looks worse, if that's possible, but I won't allow myself to cry while I'm back here, in case he can her me or sense that I'm here. I will be strong, stoic even.

Harry sits in the chair and allows me to have this time with my father. I know he's here for my support and I'm thankful for his fatherly concern.

I stand right next to my dad's bed and grab his bandaged burned hand in mine as gently as possible, and wishing that I had healing powers and could take away his burns and brokenness.

I open my mouth to speak and swallow down the choking tears before starting again. "Daddy, it's me, Bella. I don't know if you can hear me, but you were in a pretty bad accident at the mine today. I could yell at you for being so foolish, but I'll save that for when you wake up." I chuckle humorlessly and shift closer to him to speak quietly in his ear, attempting to have a private conversation with him.

"Daddy, I need you to wake up. I need you to come back to me. I love you so much, so freaking much and I just can't lose you too, daddy. I know you probably want to follow the light or whatever you may be seeing right now, but don't." I shift closer still and try to brush back the little bit of brown hair that is peeking out of his bandaged head.

"Please for me, I need you here. Tell mom that she can have you later, but I need you now. Tell her that I'll keep my promise, I'll watch over you and protect you, take care of you just like I told her I would. I'll stay in Brilliant forever if you'll just come back to me daddy, please, please."

I just beg and beg and can't control the tears as they fall down my face. They are dropping on him too. I wipe my tears off of his face and pull back a tiny bit, it's then I feel the faintest of squeezes on my hand that is holding his.

I gasp and tell Harry what I just felt and then continue to talk to my dad. I know he can hear me, somehow, through his unconscious state; he's still here with me, loving me and comforting me.

Harry walks over and stands over his best friend and holds his other hand, hoping for his own sign of comfort as well. However, the time ticks on and our time is growing shorter with him, visitation hours are almost over and we both look over my dad's broken body with sad smiles and accept that for now that little squeeze is all we are going to get.

I gently kiss his bandaged face and beg one last time for him to pull through and come back to me. As I pull away from my last remaining parent, I tell him I love him and walk on legs of lead out of his room, already anticipating the next time I can come back and see him hoping there will be a dramatic turn of events and he'll be sitting up in bed, wide awake and joking around with me once more.

I close the door and walk to the doors separating the ICU patients from the outside world and waiting room, when I hear the sound that makes my blood run cold and shatters my fragile little world.

I turn, to see where the shrill alarm is coming from as I hear the nurses' frantically screaming "Code Blue!"

I know, I just know which room and more importantly which patient is coding. I know he's leaving me. I just know it.

I collapse on the cold tile floor, giving up all hope on my life and my future. I come to quickly and smell the musky tobacco smell that is my dad's friend, as he gently shakes me awake. I look up and see tears in his eyes and I know that this is real, not just a nightmare, but my real life one in which my dad just coded a few doors down.

I stand up on the weakest of legs and attempt to walk-run down to my dad's room, that is now filling up with white coats and blue scrubs of doctors and nurses. I hear loud shouts of impatient people and the shock, shock shocking of the defibrillator on my dad's chest, attempting to shock life back into him.

I try to crawl and claw my way into this room, but a blue scrubbed nurse with a sorrow-filled face stands in my way and big paw like arms wrap around my waist and pull me away from the heartbreaking sight in front of me of my dad's open burned chest covered by life shocking paddles and frantic nurses and doctors repeatedly shouting, "again!" as they attempt to bring my daddy back from heaven and mama and here on this earth to me, back to his little girl. And I feel so little, so tiny and weak as Harry carries me out of the ICU and back to the hell on earth that is the waiting room.

Edward rushes to me immediately and pulls me from Harry's arms to his own and cradles me on the old hospital couch once more. As I claw at Edward, trying to practically climb inside of him, taking all of his warmth and comfort I can get, but still not being enough, I hear Harry informing Edward and Esme what we just witnessed.

I lose it once more and black out. My mind realizing I can take no more pain, that I'm physically and mentally not strong enough to handle this.

All the while thinking…_ If he's gone, then who will be here to take care of me? _

**A/N: You guys are the reason I keep writing. Thank you for not giving up on me as the updates get slower and slower. Just know, I'm not giving up on this story. I promise.**

**Thanks so much for reading!**


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to S. Meyer.**

**You Can't Let Go Now Daddy**

**Chapter 23**

When I come to and open my eyes to the black dots and stars of fuzzy vision and even fuzzier memories that my brain is conjuring up of the events I just partook in seemingly moments ago. It hits me and sits in the pit of my stomach like an overly sopped up biscuit full of thick chocolate gravy, my dad is in there, his chest being pounded on by doctors and tools.

_Is he still alive? Is he going to come back to me?_

Part of me feels it, the feeling of absolute complete doom and maybe a small twinge of acceptance that I'm not near ready to admit yet. I feel it heavy in my bones and heart… he's gone. My daddy is gone. I don't even need the nurse or doctor to come out and confirm it. I can feel it from the inside out. I can't breathe. I can't freaking catch a morsel of air.

I'm suffocating.

I feel hands on me. I feel being rocked as I go to an infant state of mind and all I want is a soft warm blanket of comfort that only my parents can provide.

"Why?"

I don't even realize that I've voiced this out loud, but a soft soothing voice confirms it when they respond, "I don't know honey, I just don't know why bad things happen to such good people."

I know that voice and though it's not even close to the voice I want to hear right now, it still holds the motherly comfort and cadence that I obviously so desperately need at this moment. I feel her pets and her coos of support and reassurance. Her warm hands feel soothing against my ice cold skin.

It's always so cold in hospitals. I remember that much from all of the time we spent in one with my mother when she was sick and fighting for her life. It's still that way today when I'm sitting here with chattering teeth waiting to have it confirmed that my dad has joined her in heaven today.

I know he was telling me goodbye now, not don't worry baby girl, I'm coming back to you. No, it was him saying, _goodbye baby, I'm going to join my sweetheart in heaven_. He was letting me go, telling me goodbye. And suddenly I'm angry at him, at my mother and even at God. Why do they all get to be together again and I'm stuck here without both of them, freezing and mourning and stagnate in my young life?

How dare he leave me alone?

How dare God take him too?

And how dare my mom be so selfish as to get to have him too… to take my only remaining parent from me.

I'm shaking and sobbing in violent anger and sadness as the soft footsteps of the covered bootied feet of the doctor plays on me ears. I don't look at his face. I don't want to see that same pity on his face that I saw when my mom passed. I don't want to freaking see it.

_Screw this!_

I dart up out of Edward and Esme's embrace and start to run. I'm stopped just a few short feet later and pulled into the strong arms of my father's best friend. The doctor slowly approaches us and quietly asks us to follow him. That's the last place I want to go. I don't want to follow him back toward the death that I know is behind those doors. Not even one single part of me wants to follow him, but I do, only because Billy is practically carrying my weight with him with each heavy step we take.

I don't look behind me at Edward and Esme's sorrowful faces. I bury my face in Billy's chest and let him hold me as we begrudgingly follow the doctor. Once we get to the small office that we met in earlier when we first arrived, he shuts the door behind him, pulls his glasses from his face, and takes a seat. He looks flustered as if he too would rather be anywhere but here. Yeah, you and me both doc.

Before he speaks, he rubs his hands over his tired face, the wrinkle and worry lines etched on his lightly tanned skin, stick out more prominently as well the greying sides of his hair, obviously this job has taken its toll on the man. Suddenly I have empathy for him too. It can't be easy to have these talks with his patient's loved ones time and time again.

He clears his throat and I focus on his tired face once more.

"Ms. Swan, I never know how to deliver this kind of information to family members and loved ones. No matter what I say, regardless of how empathetic or professional I deliver this message, it doesn't matter. It will never provide the family any kind of comfort or peace."

He takes another breath as I release a loud sob.

"As I informed you earlier Ms. Swan, your father suffered greatly, his injures extensive and critical. We did all we could, but his heart just gave out. We attempted to revive him, but it appeared our efforts were rendered fruitless. I'm sorry Ms. Swan. I'm truly and regretfully so sorry, that your father did not make it."

I look up at this man. This man that truly did attempt to save my father's life and I see how genuine he is about this all. He is sorry, he did try everything in his power to save him, but sometimes God has other plans. Sometimes it's just people's time to go. I hate that thought and that saying, but it rings true now.

The doctor has tears forming in his tired blue eyes and for some reason I find myself wanting to comfort him as well. I shake my head though and remember that I can't even comfort myself right now. I'm still sobbing hysterically into Billy's side as he remains seemingly stoic beside me as he too just found out that his childhood best friend is no longer on this earth.

He'll never be able to call him up to shoot the shit. He'll never be able to give him a hard time about being anything but athletic and tease him about his affinity for his beloved books. They'll never be able to joke about all of the mischief that got into while growing up.

I hug Billy with every bit of strength I have in me. He's hurting too. Maybe not as much as I am, but still he's lost a loved one as well. But, then again, I think selfishly, what happens now? No, more coming home and chatting with my daddy about books. No more cooking dinners for him or laughing at his pathetic attempts at cooking dinner for me. No more hugs or laughs. No more encouragement and it'll be okay baby; things will always work out just how they are meant to. No more poetic words of wisdom that only my daddy could give. No more daddy…period.

I can't do this. I just cannot do this again. How does someone get past losing both parents? Why am I here in this world without them both? Why?

I feel Billy extend his hand to the doctor and thank him. He wipes his eyes as well and I know the dam is about to break for him. He's been strong, so incredibly strong for me today, but he's losing it too.

He picks me up again and helps me walk out to the waiting room. I see that messy bronze hair through my blurred vision as he comes and envelopes me once again. I hear Edward, Billy and Esme exchange words, though I'm not sure what they are saying, something about where I'll be staying tonight, I'm sure.

I lose it again at that thought. I can't go home to my house. I can't go home to a place that my daddy will no longer be. To a home where his scent surrounds every ounce of air in that place. Not tonight, I just can't.

"I just can't!" It burst from my lips and I have no way to stop it, or a desire too. I voiced my pain and fears and they know. They just know what I mean.

Esme hugs me again on the side that Edward is not clinging too. She tells me that I don't have too. That she's here and that she'll help me through this.

"You're coming home with us tonight, Bella. We've got you sweetheart. We've got you." If only for a second, if only for tonight, I believe her. I let them carry me and take care of me, because I can't take care of myself and I have no one else to take care of me.

We arrive at Edward's house a short while later and I'm drained, mentally and physically. Edward's got me tucked in safely to his chest and I hear him and his mother whispering over my head.

"Get her up to your bed Edward, the poor thing is dead on her feet and you better not leave her side all night. She needs you Edward. She's going to need as much strength as you can give her, so you need to rest too. Now off to bed you two."

I don't have the energy or the will to argue with her about sleeping with Edward in the same bed all night. I don't' care how it looks and she realizes that I need him with me all night. I need his arms and his heart, his smell and his strong arms if I'm ever going to make it through this nightmare.

She kisses us both on the top of the head and Edward escorts us to his room. He places me on the bed as carefully as possible and I whimper as he attempts to pull away.

"Shh… Sweet B, I'm not going anywhere. I'm just grabbing you some old sweats to sleep in. I nod and wipe my eyes as I watch him pilfer through his wooden drawers for a pair of Forks sweatpants and an old Forks High Football t-shirt.

He places them on the bed and then blushes again, as he motions his head toward the door. "I'll just step out for a second and let you get dressed."

A sob works its way out again. All modesty is forgotten, because I can't be alone right now. I don't want to be even for a few minutes.

He comes over, and soothes me as he plays with my hair and wipes away my tears.

"Please don't leave me Edward. Please!"

He just kisses my nose and begins to slowly place his hands at the bottom of my shirt. It's not sexual, not even in the slightest, so I lift my arms and allow him to remove my shirt from my body, leaving me only in my white lacy bra. I catch his eyes again, that seem to linger on my bra clad breast just a moment too long. He blushes seemingly all over and shakes his head to clear what I'm sure are impure thoughts. He's a teenage boy. I get it.

He picks up the Forks High t-shirt and just as gingerly places it over my body. He shifts to the edge of the bed and pulls me with him to a standing position. He then carefully unbuttons my pants and pulls them down my legs. I feel his rough warm hands on my skin and it's so comforting that I wish we could just sleep like this. Tangled up in each other's warmth, but now is not the time for that and he realizes that too. He picks up his sweatpants and quickly pulls them up my long pale legs that at this point feel like a baby colt's legs, all unsteady and wobbly.

Once the pants are in place, He places a gentle sweet kiss on my lips, pulls back his covers and places me down on the bed. I look over at him and this time it's my turn to blush as he quickly tries to discard his own jeans and leaving his body covered only in his blue plaid boxers and white t-shirt.

He quickly turns off the light and comes back and slides into bed beside me. He pulls me into his arms and begins to hum a familiar tune and I quickly fall to sleep, feeling safe and protected, if only for a moment.

I realize I'm dreaming, because it's so bright, too bright. I see _him,_ though and he looks so beautiful. I see a wispy shadow of a chestnut haired woman in the background and I know it's _her_ too. He's speaking to me and I can't make out what he's saying, so I listen harder.

I look harder too at the scene and notice that we're at our favorite thinking spot. A little piece by the creek close to our house. I feel the most peace and overwhelming joy I've ever felt as we sit there side by side staring at the glistening creek. It might possibly be the most beautiful and brightest day I've ever seen.

"Bella," He says and I turn my head to look at his handsome face, that's not marred by burns or covered with that white gauze from hours earlier.

"Daddy," I say right back to him and we both laugh. I look around and don't see her anymore. I guess she wanted to give us some time together.

Daddy sees me looking around. "She's just over there in that little meadow of flowers baby. You know how much she loved her flowers."

I smile, because I do know.

"Listen baby, we don't have long, but I just wanted to tell you that I'm alright and so is your mama." I nod, I don't feel the need to cry, and I still feel this overwhelming joy inside of me, like crying is forbidden here or something.

"I know it hurts right now, Bella. It's probably going to hurt for a long time. But, I need you to promise me that you'll take care of yourself baby."

I smile up at him and make yet another promise to one of my parents. Another promise that I'll have to keep. I just hope I'll be strong enough to do so once this elation and peace that this dream is bringing about wears off.

I mean I still have to live in a world where my parents no longer exist. I still have to figure out a way to take care of myself, a girl that's not yet an adult, but no longer a child. Can I do this? Can I really keep this promise of taking care of myself of being happy in this life without him, without them?

"Okay, daddy, I promise."

His image starts shaking and I know I'm losing him again.

"Tell mama that I love and miss her, will you daddy?" I ask him as he pulls me to him for what is surely the last hug I'll ever have from him again.

"She knows baby, she knows. She's been watching us every day and she's so incredibly proud of you baby. I'm proud of you too."

He kisses my forehead and I know this is it.

"I love you daddy, always and forever."

"I love you too, Bella. Always and forever baby girl."

"You can let go now daddy, you can let go."

I wake up sobbing. All of the joy and cheer that I felt seconds ago gone and left in its place is overwhelming sadness and loneliness.

-FNL-

And in the days that follow filled with planning his funeral, including picking out his casket, his suit, which I knew he'd grumble about. He hated getting all fancy schmancy. He just wanted his jeans and flannel shirts.

Entering our house for the first time is in a word, crippling. I fall to the floor and sobb. I make it to his favorite chair and bury my face in his soothing scent. I don't move for hours.

Edward is incredible though it all and Esme took on the motherly role to a T. I wouldn't have made it through the planning if it weren't for them and Billy. I stay with them after that. I just can't go back home yet. I will soon. I'll have to clean out his things and settle our affairs. I don't even know how much we owe on the house or anything. I'm not ready to deal with that yet, don't even know the first thing about how to deal with any of that. Billy reassures me he will take care of all of that.

The funeral is beautiful, if you can call it that. They made my dad look as close to his actual self as possible. The people from the community crowd in and offer their condolences. When the last person leaves our old church, I brush my hands down my only black dress I own and make my way to the front to say goodbye to my father one last time, before they bury him in the earth.

Edward's only a few feet away and thankfully has scarcely left my side through this whole mess. I know he's exhausted though, but he'll never admit it. He's been perfect, heaven sent actually and I'm sure my daddy and momma had a hand in that.

I put my hands on the deep cherry wood casket and talk to my daddy.

"Hey Daddy, you had a nice service and everyone showed out for you. I know you'd probably hate everyone making a fuss over you, but you deserve it." I choke on a sob once more.

"Oh daddy! Why can't you just wake up? Wake up, daddy!" I don't even realize that I'm clutching him by his jacket lapels, my face right up next to him, tears smudging the makeup they've put on his face until I feel two sets of arms pulling me off and away from him.

"Come on now Bella. Let's head on outside and get some fresh air." Billy has been a stand in father since, my daddy's passing. He knows just what to say and I know my dad would be proud of his best friend right now.

"I wipe my face and nod as I let him and Edward lead me outside.

The gravesite service goes quickly for which I'm thankful. As they lower him to the ground, I can watch no longer and turn to walk away from it all. I make it over to a shady grove of trees near the edge of the cemetery and throw up every little thing that's in me.

In that moment, I recall the dream from a few nights before and I don't know how I'm going to keep that promise to my daddy. I just don't know how I can take care of myself and be happy ever again. I want to be numb, to not feel so raw and bleeding. I'm an opened wound and I fear I'll break that promise to my daddy soon.

**A/N: So, things might be dark for a little bit longer. **

**Thanks for those that shared stories and hugs to you all that have experienced something similar to this Bella. **

**Thanks for reading and those of you that review.**


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to S. Meyer.**

**A/N: So, it's been almost a year since I've updated and I'm shocked that time has gone by that quickly. I apologize profusely to those of that are still reading this little story. I went back and read through this story, because it had been so long and I noticed a lot of errors on my part, in particular with Harry and Billy. I think I'm going to change it all to Harry, so forgive me for flopping their names around. I also noticed that at the beginning of the story Edward was number 7 and then I put him as 79. I'll change that too when I get some time. Sorry about that. There were other errors and typos that I hope to correct in time as well. **

**So, after that long A/N, I'm glad to have some new readers and I'm thankful for you faithful ones that may still be with me. I love this story and never intend to abandon it.**

**I Hurt Myself Today**

**Chapter 24**

The days following the funeral pass by in a haze of tears and painful reminders of just how alone I am. The school allows me to miss the rest of the week, for which I'm grateful as I fill it with moping, blank stares and attempts of comfort from Edward, his mother and Kate.

One thing I've never liked is to be coddled, even after mom's death, I didn't want people hugging on me or crying on my shoulder with tears of pity. People die every single day, so what if it just so happens that death took both of my parents before I'm even out of high school?

Death doesn't care, death is not prejudice and for sure doesn't coddle.

I thought for sure after that peaceful dream with Momma and Daddy in it, that I would feel more at peace as well, but that just hasn't been the case. I have practically moved into Edward's house, and for now his mother appears to be okay with us still sleeping in the same bed together. I think it's just more coddling on her part, but I'm not going to complain.

Though peace and comfort is hard to come by right now, I at least find some semblance of the two while I'm wrapped in Edward's arms at night. That is until the nightmares come, with them bringing a new unfamiliar experience that I'm beginning to understand as panic attacks. See, while I might not have to go to school for the rest of the week, Edward still does as well as Kate, which leaves me a multitude of free time on my hand, which is never a good thing for someone who just lost the most important person in their life.

Thursday night, after the funeral, I wake up from yet another nightmare of experiencing my father coding once again. My heart is literally aching in pain and I feel as if I can't catch my breath. I try my hardest not to make too much noise, as I know Edward has a big game tomorrow and hasn't slept much in the past few nights due to these same nightmares and my screaming and crying fits.

I ease out of his bed and as carefully as I can in the pitch dark room; feel my way to the door. The cold knob hits my warm hands and I twist it to open. I make my way down the darkened hallway toward the sanctuary of the living room, which is the furthest room away from the bedrooms in this house. Once there, I find the couch and continue trying to catch my breath and ease the pain. As I'm writhing in pain, in what is most assuredly a heart attack, as nothing has ever felt this intense and painful before, I hear the soft padding of feet on the old hardwood floors, making their way toward me. I must have gasped or whimpered too loud. It doesn't really matter though, because maybe I'm dying. Maybe God is showing his mercy on me and is going to take me quickly to join my family. I smile at that thought, the first smile in days.

Seconds later, my happy reuniting bubble is burst as Esme comes in, turns on the bright light and begins fussing over me as I attempt to breathe once more. I feel like an old hound dog panting on the porch on a hot summer day. I can't catch my breath for even a second. I hear Esme get up from the old brown leather couch and leave the room. I don't care. I just want to die, I really do.

Moments later, she's back with a cold rag on my head, which really does nothing to alleviate my aching chest and my ragged breathing.

"Bella, listen honey, you have to breathe, baby. In and out, in and out." She tries to mimic proper breathing and I just want to scream at her that I'm not having a baby and this is not Lamaze.

I'm dying of a heart attack. Can't she see that?

I glare at her and she gives me a sad smile in return. I immediately feel bad for my moment of anger toward her. She has been nothing but generous and loving toward me, understanding of my need for Edward these past few days. She doesn't deserve my attitude and misplaced anger, but it's still hard not to lash out at times.

I continue to struggle with breathing, but am able to get a few words out. "I think I'm dying…heart attack…can't breathe."

There comes that pitying look again, as she continues to wipe my forehead with the cool damp cloth.

"Oh sweetheart, I know it hurts, but you have to keep breathing. You have to keep living honey. Can you sit up?

I'm not sure why she thinks me sitting up will help, but I do, with her help. The room is spinning as out of control as my life is right now.

Esme holds me to steady me and then attempts to model deep calming breaths. This time I don't snap, I just attempt to do as she is and it seems to be working. My chest begins to ache a little less, my breathing slowly coming back to normal and the room begins to come back into a normal stilled view.

I begin sobbing immediately as she scoots closer and rocks me.

_Will this pain ever end? Will I always feel void, hollow and broken?_

I was just beginning to feel hope and happiness again in my life and then- well then Daddy had to go and be stupid and had to make my world crumble once more.

_Will I ever be able to get passed this? _

I just don't see how that's is going to be possible.

I continue to sob and Esme continues to coo and rock me. I allow her coddling, just this once. After this, I'm done with the coddling and the rocking and the sympathetic pats from everyone.

Esme pulls back and looks at me as she wipes my tears. "What happened honey?"

I pull out of her arms and sit back on the couch beside her, finding a crack in the old leather to poke at as I tell her about my reoccurring nightmare and then the aftershocks of my possible heart attack.

She brushes my hair back as she listens and doesn't chime in until she knows I've gotten everything out.

"Bella, dear, I think what you just experienced was a panic attack."

I look at her in confusion. I've heard of panic attacks before, but not much. I really think it was a heart attack. I mean how can something that stems from anxiety cause you to feel like you are dying?

I guess I voice this out loud and Esme tries to explain it to me further. She shares her experiences with them and even informs me that she still gets them from time to time and has even taken medication for her anxiety. The thought of having to take medication frightens me. I don't want to be ruled by medication.

I don't want a chemical in my body that regulates my feelings.

I can control them.

I am in control of me, not anyone or anything else.

And just like that, the anger is back. I try to be as polite as possible to Esme. I don't want to snap at her, she isn't forcing medication on me, and she was just telling me what she did to cope with it. I'm stronger than that though. I can beat this anxiety and panic.

I can.

I stand up, thank Esme for her help, comfort and the talk and head back to Edward's room, trying my hardest not to wake him up. I know he is disappointed that I won't be there tomorrow night to cheer him on, wearing his number seventy-nine jersey, but I'm just not ready to be around that many people. Maybe in a few weeks. Maybe when my world doesn't feel like it's shattering all around me and I feel more in control of my emotions. Or maybe I should just move in with Harry, like he offered and let Edward go. At this point, what kind of girlfriend can I really be to Edward? I'll just continue to bring him down, continue to keep him from the things and people he loves. He's worked too hard for me to ruin that all, because I'm selfish and need him here with me to hold me while I cry, to be my punching bag when I'm angry, to be my personal parent to remind me to eat, drink, shower, and rest.

I care about him too much to do that. With that thought though, I can't help but cry some more, which wakes him in turn.

"Sweet B? What's going on? Why are you standing all the way over there by the door? He gets out of bed and all but carries me back to his warm bed and welcoming arms.

I snuggle closer to him and try to find the words to explain what I'm feeling. To tell him that I think we should break up before we even really begin, that I should move out of here and let him do all of the wonderful things he's worked so hard to do and achieve. I start to tell him those things and the words get caught in my throat.

I can't tell him any of those things, because I'm selfish and dammit, I need him. I just freaking need him to breathe right now and to hold me together as I fall apart.

"What's got my girl so upset?" He holds me and kisses my forehead as he waits for me to answer.

"I just- I just really, really need you, Edward. I just need you so much."

I roll him to his back and begin kissing him with all that I have in me. Every ounce of hurt, frustration, anger, disappointment and fear. I kiss him with gratitude for being there for me through all of this and as I pull off his shirt and begin to lift mine over my head, I kiss him with passion.

He returns it with a hungry growl as he flops me on my back and settles between my legs, nothing separating us, but underwear and my sweatpants. He nips at my lips, then my neck, down to my breast and back up again. It feels amazing to feels something besides pain and anguish.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, something is screaming at me to stop, that this isn't right, not the right time, not the right moment, not the right emotions for this, but I ignore it as Edward begins twisting and pinching my nipples through my white lace bra.

It feels so good, too good to be wrong as I begin to lift my center to meet his hardened member. It takes him just a second to respond before he continues to meet me thrust for thrust.

We haven't kissed in days, he's just held me and offered tender kisses to my forehead and hugs of comfort, but now the fire is lit between us and I just need to know how this feeling ends.

Edward grunts and groans as quietly as he can, as his mother is still in the house. He lifts me up slightly as he begins to try and find the hook to my bra. I all too willing move up to give him access which he gladly takes and starts ravaging my neck.

Then, like a flash of lightening I start to see flickers of my dad once again on that hospital bed, lifeless and cold and I begin to sob silently. I try to push through and continue to claw and kiss all over Edward's chest and neck, but my silent tears begin to spill over onto his chest like a bucket of ice water and our crazy lust filled moment is over.

Edward pulls away from me and retreats to the farthest side of his bed and I clutch the sheets and comforter over my near naked body, sobbing uncontrollably now.

I'm sorry, Edward-I'm so, so sorry." As I sob and try to cover my eyes, I feel the bed move as he comes closer to me and pulls me into his arms and lies us down under the covers. He kisses my face and tears.

"Baby, why are you sorry? I should be apologizing to you. I feel like I just took advantage of you. I know that you aren't ready for that. I just lost myself in you. Please forgive me."

I want to laugh, because he is just too sweet and silly.

I attacked him not the other way around.

"It's my fault; I just wanted to feel something other than this all-consuming sadness. I just wanted to feel good and you; you make me feel good Edward." I sniffle through my apology and he gives a light chuckle as we sure seem to be quite the pair.

He pulls me closer and I snuggle into his chest as he hums the tune to "My Girl," and I fall into a dreamless sleep.

We awake to the obnoxious sound of his alarm clock announcing that it's time to get up for school. I just burrow further under the covers, as is my usual for this week. Now in the too bright light of day, the sadness has returned. I know Edward has to go back to school. I know that he, Esme, and Kate will all be away at the game tonight, which means the feelings of loneliness attack and I feel like I can't fight my way out of this darkness again.

Edward leaves me in the bed with yet another sweet kiss and a promise to call me later to check on me. I attempt to give him a watery smile and a good luck peck to his lips. I encourage him that I'll be okay on my own today and that I need some time alone anyway. He leaves, albeit reluctantly and a few moments later Esme pops in with her good-bye for the day as well. She reminds me to make myself at home and to call if I need anything at all, even to just cry into the phone with her. She gives me a hug and shuts Edward's door behind her.

The silence when they leave is worse than deafening. It's suffocating, just my grief.

I do manage to fall back to sleep for a few more hours and when I get up; I log onto Edward's computer in an effort to check out what Google has to say about this panic attack business. After reading over the information, I start to think that Esme is right, and that it was indeed a panic attack. This makes me feel like I might be having another one as my chest tightens at the thought and in remembrance of the night before. The walls start to close in once again and I feel as if no air is getting through to my lungs. I try to remember the breathing exercises Esme showed me, but they don't seem to be working.

Finally, the pain begins to ease and I can feel my lungs working once more. I sob again, hating my life and what it and I've become. Edward isn't here to comfort me this time.

_What am I going to do when these feelings attack of sadness or anxiety and I can't control it? _

Suddenly an idea hits me. I remember hearing some girls in the bathroom at school talking about cutting. I didn't pay much attention at the time, but I know that my good friend, Google, will have more information on it.

I pull up more information on it and read why and how it's done. I can remember the girls that did it, talking about how it made them feel numb from pain. That's all I want. I just want to feel numb for just a second. I want to replace this pain in my chest with something else.

I read about it for seemingly hours and try to figure out the best way to do it. I don't want to kill myself. I just don't want to feel this pain of losing my parents over and over again.

I run to Edward's bathroom and look for his razor. As I pick it up I contemplate whether I can do this or not. I put it back down and chicken out.

I go back to his room and lie down and try to sleep. Sleep won't find me, so I turn on the television hoping for some mindless entertainment, but nothing appears appealing.

I go back to the bathroom and pick up the razor again. I switch it from hand to hand trying to work up the courage to just do it. I think about where to cut, my upper thigh would be less likely to be seen by anyone, or maybe I should just stick to my wrist?

I place the blade to my thigh and chicken out once more, knowing that if Edward ever saw, he would be so disappointed in me and upset with himself for not being here to comfort me.

I go to the kitchen and try to make myself eat one of the many casseroles that have been sent over here, but it just all tastes like mush to me. I give up on eating and head back to Edward's bed.

Edward calls a little later to check on me and I try to make myself sound less miserable so he can go and concentrate on winning his game and impressing the scouts. He lets me go with a promise to call me when they are on the bus ride home.

Esme calls shortly after that to make sure I'm okay and that I don't need anything before she heads off to Edward's game. I reassure her that I'll be fine and that I'll see them when they get home.

A few hours pass and the pain is still there. Every single time I close my eyes, I picture my daddy in the casket or the hospital bed and I just continue to cry.

"I've had it!" I scream, though no one can hear me.

This time I'm determined as I make my way back to the bathroom and grab Edward's razor one more time. My tears begin to blur my vision and I'm not being as careful as I should. I'm not remembering where to cut and not to cut.

I pick up the razor and slice through my pale white skin of my wrist and as ribbons of bright red blood begin to seep from my body, the only pain I feel is the pain I inflicted. It's almost euphoric in the sense that the pain in my chest lessons and I feel almost weightless for a moment.

I watch as the satin red blood swirls with the now running water from the sink that I turn on to wash away my transgressions and pains. It turns the corner of my lip up a smidge as it looks like a candy cane as ribbons of crimson blood and white of the porcelain mix together and combine as they sink further and further down the drain.

Then panic sets in as I realize that the blood is not slowing and my vision is beginning to blur. All I can think before my head hits the cool tiled floor is, _I'm sorry Edward._

**A/N: Please know that I do not condone cutting, but it is a very real and popular issue with adolescents' today. I work with such in the mental health field daily and I plan to take proper care and caution when discussing this in the next few chapters. **

**Thank you as always for reading and please know that I am a HEA kind of girl.**


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